Strange primal confessions of motherhood.

[Alibab1]

I have noticed a couple of fairly primal, animalistic things I have done since having children and wondered if you can report similar?

When my children were very little babies / toddlers I could smell when they were tired. They gave off some kind of unmistakeable scent and I would catch myself sniffing their heads and then that informing me on their state of energy! It's not something I do now, nor do I notice that smell. Perhaps I was more intune back then. I recall it was an intense and pleasant, but definate smell of tiredness. And very accurate!

Also, and I still do this, a kiss on the forehead is a fairly accurate measure of fever. If they felt warm via this method I would then crack out a thermometer of course But the kiss itself seems to be my first stop and my lips being a better gauge for their temp than a hand...

Anyone else got similar primal confessions?

"This is a fascinating thread.
Sadly I can’t have children and I feel that I have missed a very base aspect of what it is to be a woman"

I'm childless by choice but weirdly I still feel connected to this experience. I've had pregnant friends where I felt the overwhelming urge to take stuff to her, food, soft furnishings, pyjamas, just.. stuff. I also remember a heavily pregnant friend coming to an exhibition in a group of other friends and not really being able to relax and feeling like I just wanted to part the crowds and take her somewhere protective and safe (even though she was totally utterly fine).

I also had the privilege of visiting a friend who was only 1 day post partum and who had had a very distressing labour. I was holding the baby and when her (totally amazing, thoroughly decent) husband came in the room I felt almost a sense of aggression, like if you hurt these two, I will kill you. It was only fleeting but it was there.

I can only assume that all women played a role in the primal ecosystem.

My youngest is now 10 but if I think about babies or animals in distress I still get that “let down “ feeling in my breasts

Yes! I wasn’t able to successfully breastfeed for longer than 48 hours with both of my babies, but I still get that let down feeling every now and then! It’s weird

I love this thread and did so many of these things. Will rub my lips on DD’s head for hours, I also can’t get her close enough to me. When I’m cuddling her I like her cheek to be on mine, arm wrapped around me, body close to me, legs around me like a koala. Like, I can’t get any closer. I also love kissing her chubby little cheek, I could do that for hours at a time.

I’m glad it’s not just me who feels mildly furious when someone else is holding their baby. Feels like MIL holds on to her for just that bit too long and I want to scream. Rage is doubled when I see her kissing DD’s little cheeks. Doesn’t she know they’re MY little cheeks???

When DD was first born I used to startle awake really dramatically, with my heart pounding, feeling like I was ready to fight off a tiger or something. Once DH took her into the next room to let me get some sleep and he dropped a cup of coffee (nowhere near her, she was fine) and I THREW myself out of bed the second I heard the noise and nearly tore out all my c section stitches.

I loved holding her and staring at her, once he had to gently remind me to go to the toilet and have something to eat because I was so wrapped up in it. She had really soft fuzzy down all over her back and I could have stroked it for hours.

When she moved into her own room at night I had to flick through photos of her on my phone before I fell asleep.

DC1 was born in the tub and when I lifted him up, the first thing I did was lick his head I can't explain it, it was a completely instinctive urge! Quite gross when I look back!!

I always expected the "newborn" smell that women talk about to be a kind of powdery lovely smell. But actually the true newborn smell in the days after birth before the first bath was an intense smell of my insides?? And I couldn't get enough of it. Hated when other people cuddled DD and she smelt of them instead, genuinely made me cry and feel angry with them for ruining her. Gutted that it went after her first bath.

A primal thing I had was when she was very distressed as a tiny baby, I used to strip off and put her on my boob to feed and she would fall asleep sprawled across my chest. I used to feel a palpable sense of intense relief when she would latch on and I could almost feel the relaxation flow through to her. I would also feel dizzy when she cried full pelt, and start to sweat. I could never do cry it out sleep training, I would pass out I think.

Fascinating thread. I used to have the strongest urge to lick the dc when they came back smelling of someone else’s perfume.

Also I can feel where my dc are like a compass pull. It’s stronger with ds than dd, but I can find them in a crowd or if they are in a shop with their df or gm, if I just stop searching and feel where they are.

I was quite startled when I started childminding to realise how intently I had to pay attention in the playground. And how foul other children’s poos smell

@firstimemamma

Oh god I thought I was insane until this thread! Thank you! Mumsnet is so brilliant sometimes.

This!

Yes to wanting to eat and bite them! Ds' mouth I want to eat, as weird as that sounds.

When ds was born he smelt absolutely amazing.

I also get the primal urge to protect, I feel the same @ReallySpicyCurry. I had sections too but would have done the same.

When ds was born I spent the first few days rubbing my lips and face over his head. I swear the vernix made my skin amazing for weeks afterwards! When he would fall asleep on my shoulder I'd move so I could breathe in his milky breath.

This is a throwback moment (my youngest is 24!) but I always knew when they were going to be sick, when they were toddler age. There was just a 'look' that they'd get, even if they didn't have tummy ache or feel ill, I could always tell by the way their mouths pulled.

I achieved supersonic speed with a bucket on those days.

@theluckiest

When both of mine were born it was the smell. A really primal smell.

It was bloody and meaty and utterly delicious. Sounds disgusting but the smell was unlike anything I'd experienced and I found it totally intoxicating.

I actually feel quite ill reading that!

Then again I couldn't wait to bath my newborn and get him cleaned up! I had it in my birth plan that I wanted the baby wiped down immediately after they were born.

Don't get me wrong, I am sentimental in some ways, but clearly this thread isn't for me!

I think the mouth thing is really interesting. Like you too get in touch with a little baby part that wants everything to go in your mouth. As a way of being able to relate to your baby maybe.

When my two were tiny babies I just loved to put their feet in my mouth! I also tested their temp with my lips on the forehead. Now they're adults (DD32 &DS23) I can smell when they're coming down with something. Strangely enough my DP says I smell different when I'm ill...

I remember the bloody meaty smell. Didn't wash my youngest for three days actually as I had surgery after birth and so didn't get home for three days. - he didn't look dirty as it all just sort of dried and rubbed off him. But he smelt quite placenta-y!

We had a nice bath together on day 3🤣 still have the photos.

After that he smelled of baby bath!

I still want to nibble DD. She's now three and when I suggest it says "No, don't eat me, I'm not food!"

For me it's wanting to smush dd2 as close as physically possible to me. It's a pain now she's a wriggly toddler, but when I'm holding her I feel the need to press my face against her. She's just so warm and smells so lovely. I love the sense of life, her warmth and heartbeat, that still feels like a part of me. I particularly love her cheeks and getting my face right in the crook of her neck.

DD1 is 5 now and I want to touch her all the time too. Just sit holding her hand, or stroking her hair, and when I check on her going to bed at night I can't resist a little snuggle too.

This is fascinating - I always thought I was an oddity but it seems I'm not alone!

DC1 was unplanned and I woke up the morning after he was conceived and just 'knew' I was pregnant - I was absolutely certain (and right!). He is taller than me now, but still smells strange when he's coming down with something.

DC2 is at home with me today (isolating) and asked me to stop nibbling his ears whilst he was watching Horrible Histories - tbh I wasn't even aware that I was doing it!

We they were tiny I can remember feeling utterly lost and so upset when other people were holding them, particularly people who I wasn't close to. My MIL used to try to take DC1 in to other rooms and I growled at her once, like an animal - I just couldn't help it!

I think the mouth thing is so that your breasts can make milk that is perfect for the baby's biome?

My baby was born through surrogacy but I still did many of these things, including the smelling fever and not wanting them to 'smell wrong' when someone else held them. I wonder how much of this is inside us women anyway, and the baby doesn't have to be birthed from your body to trigger it.

I used to touch my DDs forehead with my slightly open mouth, when she was a bit off/whiney/restless. I could sense/smell her being a bit sort of icky.

@Zaphodsotherhead

This is a throwback moment (my youngest is 24!) but I always knew when they were going to be sick, when they were toddler age. There was just a 'look' that they'd get, even if they didn't have tummy ache or feel ill, I could always tell by the way their mouths pulled.

I achieved supersonic speed with a bucket on those days.

I’m the same with my cat 🤗

@Hardbackwriter

I did have an amazing high after birth - I wouldn't say it was otherwise particularly a great birth but he was born at 10pm and I was buzzing all night - I didn't sleep a wink, which turned out to be an error later - with what felt like the most incredible drugs ever. I only had gas and air which is supposed to clear your body quickly so I don't think it was that. I have this photo that I absolutely treasure because I took it at 2am, a selfie of me holding DS, which I took because I felt like the most amazing lionness/goddess and wanted to preserve that for posterity. Looked at in the cold light of day, without a mad hormonal rush, I don't look like a goddess, I look like a very tired woman who had been in labour for 20 of the last 24 hours...

I also never relate to the posts about how people can't bear having visitors/their babies passed around because my instinct was exactly the opposite - I was desperate to show off DS, I would have stood on a street corner holding him aloft or put his picture on a billboard on the M25 if DH had let me. I remember walking through the hospital with DH carrying him in the car seat and being amazed that people were just walking past and not stopping to notice that the world's most incredible baby had just been born. Tbh he's two now and a little bit of me is still astonished when people don't comment on how cute and clever he is...

We took baby DS home from hospital yesterday and I couldn't believe a couple of people passed without stopping. This is such a lovely thread. I'm currently breathing him in (2 days old) after a feed and can't bear to put him down.

I can tell when DS is going to be ill, his smell is different.

When the community midwife came to take his heel prick I was so angry with her for making him cry, I was well aware she didn't hurt him to be nasty but I still really despised her for it, poor woman.