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Original poster

Strange primal confessions of motherhood.

109 replies

Alibab1 · 18/10/2020 20:27

I have noticed a couple of fairly primal, animalistic things I have done since having children and wondered if you can report similar?

When my children were very little babies / toddlers I could smell when they were tired. They gave off some kind of unmistakeable scent and I would catch myself sniffing their heads and then that informing me on their state of energy! It's not something I do now, nor do I notice that smell. Perhaps I was more intune back then. I recall it was an intense and pleasant, but definate smell of tiredness. And very accurate!

Also, and I still do this, a kiss on the forehead is a fairly accurate measure of fever. If they felt warm via this method I would then crack out a thermometer of course But the kiss itself seems to be my first stop and my lips being a better gauge for their temp than a hand...

Anyone else got similar primal confessions?

OP posts:
AWryGiraffe · 18/10/2020 22:09

I wanted to bite my daughter a lot, an urge to sink my teeth into her. Not in an aggressive way! Managed to not though.

She smells weird to me when she comes back from nursery. Like she's not mine 😂

TweeterandtheMonkeyman · 18/10/2020 22:09

I love this thread 😍
I still test the dc’s temps with my lips even though they’re pre-teens . And yes , the smell of a fever to me is a dry hot rubbery smell.
Omg , their morning breath smelt amazing until around age 7, a which point it became stinky like anyone else’s (maybe linked to losing their baby teeth??)
My youngest is now 10 but if I think about babies or animals in distress I still get that “let down “ feeling in my breasts Blush

JustDavesWife · 18/10/2020 22:13

I loved the smell of my kids bedrooms when I went in to get them in the mornings, it just smelt of baby sleep! Sometimes I would walk out and have to go back for one more sniff, i could smell it when I checked on them before I went bed as well! My 6 year old still vaguely has the sleep smell but my 12 year olds room just smells of boy!!

I also used to want to bite them, not to hurt them just to give them a little nibble 😂

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SchmooobyDoo · 18/10/2020 22:19

Wanting to feel my baby’s skin & body next to mine, as if we were burrowed away together. I’d feel the need to get away from her at times during the intense newborn days. That time sealed the bond though (fourth trimester) Cluster-feeding, colic, lack of sleep...
So, now... Lying with her cradled into me, breastfeeding lying down, sitting with her cheek touching mine, my face buried in her hair, my nose in her ear, cupping her little bum, clutching her hands or feet, resting a hand on her moving belly...

trunumber · 18/10/2020 22:34

I absolutely love this thread, it's so powerful and moving.

I had a c-section and the feeling as he was pulled from my body was absolutely primal, a desperate urge to sit up and take him in my arms, it felt like an actual rope yanking us back together

Lisa78Lemon · 18/10/2020 22:44

DS would wake every 45 minutes to the dot so I would instinctively look at him just before he woke up

spottygymbag · 19/10/2020 03:02

@firstimemamma same here- I knew without a doubt a) I was pregnant and b) it was a boy. I remember standing up from loading the dishwasher, looking out the window thinking "well that's that- baby boy is on the way!" We'd only just started trying but it was so definite (and correct on both counts).
With DS I couldn't stop smelling this one patch on his head in the first few weeks. I would even sniff his hats when he was asleep. A unique musky smell. As he's got older it's lessened but when he's going through a leap I gets really strong again. No one else can seem to smell it.
When he had his 6 week vaccinations he smelt 'wrong' for a few days. Likewise when he had formula on a couple of occasions. Really chemically. Even the blankets he was wrapped in over those times smelt of it but again no one else could smell it.

Lanvinsour · 19/10/2020 06:31

Loving this thread.
They are all still under 5, so if one of them is going to wake up in the night, I will wake up around 30seconds to 1 min before them. I will wonder why I have woken up and then I will realise because it will be evident they need me. Probably just supersonic hearing!

I can tell by looking/smelling all of them whether they are mentally or physically okay. I can tell from the kind of crying they do whether they are uniquely hurt (emotionally or physically) or run of the mill hurt (bumped head or sibling took their favourite toy.)

I also loved that immersive smelly ecosystem of breastfeeding and breast milk poo. My H used to not be able to stand the smell.

Timestoodstilll · 19/10/2020 06:56

In my thirties I went into primal overdrive to conceive. I didn't have a partner and looking back I was falling in love with fairly random men in my life solely because my body wanted to get pregnant. It was like I had lost control of my mind and was pushed about by a force of nature. The moment I held the positive indicator in my hand, my glowy feelings for their dad disappeared, I remember it clearly.

Now I still wake up when one specific child stirs in their sleep. It used to make sense when he slept next to me and breastfeed but not so much now he's almost a teenager and has a room on the other side of the house.

I also occasionally have a feeling of milk let-down around cute babies or animals.

Original poster
Alibab1 · 19/10/2020 07:48

@Nenanena

Not quite the same kind of thing but when both of mine were under 18 months every time I would see a creature, either cute or conversely non-traditionally cute i would get this sort of 'rush' of feeling that would instantly make me think of my little one. Something about the helplessness in relation to me, coupled with non-verbal state. The only way I can describe it is as though the same bit of brain or hormones would fire.
YesI remember this. I used to get deeply upset about the state of the world and cruelty done to children and animals. More so than usual. Total empathy with them all. It was painful!
OP posts:
Original poster
Alibab1 · 19/10/2020 07:50

@Lanvinsour

Loving this thread. They are all still under 5, so if one of them is going to wake up in the night, I will wake up around 30seconds to 1 min before them. I will wonder why I have woken up and then I will realise because it will be evident they need me. Probably just supersonic hearing!

I can tell by looking/smelling all of them whether they are mentally or physically okay. I can tell from the kind of crying they do whether they are uniquely hurt (emotionally or physically) or run of the mill hurt (bumped head or sibling took their favourite toy.)

I also loved that immersive smelly ecosystem of breastfeeding and breast milk poo. My H used to not be able to stand the smell.

Yes the waking in the night and laying their patiently knowing that it was a mater of minutes before they woke and so no point trying to go back to sleep! No pattern to it either. Just amazing mother connection!
OP posts:
Original poster
Alibab1 · 19/10/2020 07:52

@AWryGiraffe

I wanted to bite my daughter a lot, an urge to sink my teeth into her. Not in an aggressive way! Managed to not though.

She smells weird to me when she comes back from nursery. Like she's not mine 😂

Oh god yeah, I absolutely wanted to consume my babies, never in a harmful way. Just overwhelming though.
OP posts:
Original poster
Alibab1 · 19/10/2020 07:55

[quote spottygymbag]@firstimemamma same here- I knew without a doubt a) I was pregnant and b) it was a boy. I remember standing up from loading the dishwasher, looking out the window thinking "well that's that- baby boy is on the way!" We'd only just started trying but it was so definite (and correct on both counts).
With DS I couldn't stop smelling this one patch on his head in the first few weeks. I would even sniff his hats when he was asleep. A unique musky smell. As he's got older it's lessened but when he's going through a leap I gets really strong again. No one else can seem to smell it.
When he had his 6 week vaccinations he smelt 'wrong' for a few days. Likewise when he had formula on a couple of occasions. Really chemically. Even the blankets he was wrapped in over those times smelt of it but again no one else could smell it.[/quote]
Yeahh!!!! With my first I was a doing a group meditation when I unexpectedly envisioned my baby leap into me like a lion - and I just knew. The next day I did the test and confirmed I was pregnant.
Was aware of her energy for years before she actually came.
Also pretty sure I felt the embryo implant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alibab1 · 19/10/2020 07:56

I think I may regret starting this thread - it's making me broody!

OP posts:
paintmywholehousepink · 19/10/2020 07:56

The smell of their baby milk breath & biscuity top of their heads.

Hearing them snuffle at night next to me made me relax & sleep. Why does that not happen when DH snores?!

Yes to being able to smell when they are ill.

😊

turnthebiglightoff · 19/10/2020 08:05

I nuzzle mine when he comes back from
Any kind of childcare because he doesn't smell like himself, so I nuzzle him so he smells like me Blush

ohidoliketobe · 19/10/2020 08:05

Yes to smelling when they're ill, can't explain it - they just don't smell right and then start showing symptoms within a couple of days
When my DS was handed to me I felt like I knew him. Again hard to explain, but like ah OK, so this is what you actually look like. I know you and you know me.

fee1234 · 19/10/2020 08:07

Love this thread

I have a 16 month old and a 3 month old. They have thin wispy hair at the back of their heads and I 'bite' it with my lips between my teeth and sort of nuzzle them. As if I'm a cat about to pick them up by the scruff lol.

Didn't wash my first born for a few days after he was born, his head still had some scabby blood and vermix over it. Covered with a hat for visitors but I used to stare and touch it in amazement that it was from inside me and a reminder of the birth.

Agree with the smell of their breath and forehead if they are ill!

I've also been chewing my 3 month olds finger nails off when they got too long.

SeriouslySeriously · 19/10/2020 08:09

I remember when my son was about two and started crying through the night. His dad got up and shushed him, a few minutes later he cried again.

This time I got up and I walked into his room and could feel that he was burning up from across the room. Sent his dad downstairs to get Calpol and once he was settled I went back to bed. I asked his dad why he didn't get Calpol the first time for his fever and he told he didn't realise as he hadn't touched him.

planningaheadtoday · 19/10/2020 08:10

I remember being irrationally angry with people if anything might hurt my newborn DS. Even feeling angry with an inconsiderate driver who's crime was to start his ignition when I was close to his car!

I wore him in a sling and pushed the pram in from of me so this stopped most of the people wanting to touch and take.

I also didn't bath DS for the first week and enjoyed 'our' smell. The visiting midwife was horrified and told me off then told MIL to bath him!

With my second I couldn't cope with not having skin to skin contact. By this time DS was 3 and at toddler group and when I arrived with my DD everyone wanted to hold or see her. I'd forgotten how I felt and the irrational anger and needing to protect my child surfaced.
Again I wore her, luckily she slept a lot.

Primal instincts are alive and well. It takes quite a bit of reasoning with yourself and using higher functioning. This is especially difficult if you are tired though. Probably why new mums get this.

Soubriquet · 19/10/2020 08:14

Mine are too old to remember any feelings like this.

The only thing I remembered, was, I liked(?) the smell of pre-weaned babies poo. It wasn’t offensive like normal poo

Dh was Envy when I told him this

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 19/10/2020 08:24

When ds was older and sleeping in his room (from about 3) as soon as he would wake up I was wide awake and would hear him pull the duvet back and get out of bed. This stopped when he was about five (realised when I would wake up and he was getting into my bed)

When he was a tiny baby and needed winding I would need to burp

When he had a bought of colic I had an horrendous pain I’ve never had before or since in my back/chest/shoulders I had to lie him down on the bed as I was in too much pain to hold him and lay next to him I know it was the pain he was feeling as it stated to ease when his pain did

Of course my breast leaking And the feeling of milk come in for some time after I stopped breast feeding

I always had ds in a sling he was very happy in a sling I could smell/kiss him all the time. He would sleep in my bed too home being that close almost 24hrs a day felt right (maybe as I was in my own and the only one protecting him)

ShirleyPhallus · 19/10/2020 08:26

@StanfordPines

This is a fascinating thread. Sadly I can’t have children and I feel that I have missed a very base aspect of what it is to be a woman.
I’m so sorry @StanfordPines, that must be so painful Flowers
bumblingbovine49 · 19/10/2020 08:26

@StanfordPines

This is a fascinating thread. Sadly I can’t have children and I feel that I have missed a very base aspect of what it is to be a woman.
Well I have had a child and didn't experenc most of these things..The cuddling and wanting to be close yes , though I always slept better when DS was not in the room if I am honest ( as did he)

I also generally know when he is ill or not but not because of any smell , just because I know him very well in the way I imagine a lot of parents know their children

I.also don't recognize that ' primal' urge to protect that is described here so often . DS has been hurt a few times in accidents and I have never wanted to ' kill' the person who hurt them, particularly if it was unintentional. Whenever DS has been hurt, I find he fills my mind and emotions , I am absolutely focussed on him so the person who may have caused the hurt gets no headspace whatsoever, even later on when it has all calmed down

If he was hurt intentionally by someone ( and I count any hurt by another child as unintentional as the vast majority of children are not in full control of their emotions), and he was permanently hurt then that would.make me angry I think. Otherwise I just get sad that he is having life happen and being hurt in the process. I feel the hurt myself as well

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 19/10/2020 08:27

When my baby was born, it was a traumatic birth, he was whisked away coz he wasn’t breathing, and I was all wired up coz of pre eclampsia, it felt like ages he was gone for, but when I heard him cry, I knew it was my baby crying, I knew his cry even though ide obviously never heard him cry before, it still fascinates me now that connection that is so real from the moment they are there. I had very strong intuition it was a boy I was having too.