18m old goes very quiet when visiting shielding Grandma - anyone else experiencing this?

[Toadywoady]

Hi all

My daughter was fine with my mum before Covid, but since March my mum has totally isolated so they haven't had a cuddle or played together for months. We haven't been in the house since March. Our only face to face contact has been outside - distanced etc.

At first my daughter was happy when we went to see her, but the past few weeks she scratches my face when we go up the drive (as if she might be excited), but then goes extremely quiet and just stares blankly or even looks away when my mum talks to her). She is normally chatty, but will only say 'bye' when we are leaving!

I know there are worse things, and it's a temporary situation but this is a bit upsetting! My theory is that subconsciously my daughter think's mum is a danger as we distancing...

I'm sure there are many hundreds of thousands of children/grandparents who are distancing too and in the same boat - anyone else experiencing the same with their children/parents?

Slightly different situation but we live a long way from our grandchildren so don’t see them very often. They are 6 and 1. We distance now when we see them and we just pick up again where we left off. No probs

My little one is older he’s 3.5 but when we first saw my mum he was very quite. He wasn’t sure what was going on. He would get very excited before the. Go completely quite and wierd not like him. He’s normally grandma grandma grandma . Things are starting to get better. I think it’s a bit better for him as he’s a little older so can understand a bit more. It’s such a rubbish situation, I will admit I cried the first few times ( not in front of him or my mum)

My 12-yr old grandson was very worried that he might make me ill when I joined a bubble with him and his mum. Children pick up on everything and, if we're not careful, they get mixed messages from us. Is your daughter OK meeting her outside? Just take it slowly and decide what message you are giving her.

Thanks for the replies everyone. We only ever meet outside as my mum is shielding, we act as normally as we can with mum apart from keeping our distance. I guess DD must be picking up on us being cautious and doesn't understand. A few months more I know, just getting very tiring now!

It could also be she feels rejected or thinks this is what distancing means?

Worth explaining to her what you are doing and why, what this means she can and can’t do. Reassure her just because your mum is shielding doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her, also that this is not your daughter’s fault or responsibility and will not be forever.

Maybe bring a special toy or activity your daughter can play with as she may be reacting to being bored or uncomfortable outside?

They understand a lot more than they can say at that age so definitely worth talking to them in an age appropriate way.

Thank you, yes i've tried explaining to her but at 18m old i'm sure she doesn't understand. We have actually been doing some video calls and she is totally fine over that wierdly! Goes up to the laptop shouting grandma :)