Struggling to make 'mum friends', any ideas?

[Latteatnaptime]

NC as I find this pretty embarrassing.

DS is 14mo and I don't have any local friends. We moved when he was 5mo, and just as I stopped unpacking and started to go to baby groups covid hit. I'm back at work 4 days a week but feel so isolated, and I'm dreading his 2nd birthday in case we have no friends then too.

I'm back at groups on my day off with him. I've registered for mush but feel a bit daunted by it, especially as I live and work in a small town. I was badly bullied at school and really struggle to open up to people.

I feel for you but don't be embarrassed. I had no mum friends til my DD was about 2 then made some good ones. I found it really hard and would say I am a very open, friendly person. Everyone just seemed to already have them! I would find one group to go to on your day off, preferably a toddler group which has coffee and tea. A church one can be good as the helpers tslk to you if nobody else does. Don't bother with anything expensive or structured with no opportunity to make random chit chat. I would also join facebook if not already and see if there is a local NCT page. I used facebook to befriend/meet up with people I already knew, but not well, too and they became good friends.

At 2 kids don't care about other kids or a party and a day out will be just as well received. So don't worry about that too much

We just had family parties until ours were at school. So don't worry about that. You could always have a day out at the zoo or something. I didn't make local friends for years and this only really happened when mine started school and events were put on etc. So we could chat at these.

But i struggle with friendships / overthink everything so i feel for you.

You could be brave and do a Facebook post in a local parents group suggesting a meet up at the café in the park etc? There's quite a few of those in my local one and sometimes someone setting up a WhatsApp group.

Would definitely agree that playgroups are better for meting people than structured groups - playgroups give you lots more time to chat, and lots of opportunity to move around and speak to different people. Plus you'll get lots of regular people but it's not always exactly the same group every week. Finding ones that are running at the moment is a challenge, but hopefully that will improve next year.

And yes, don't worry about the party! Family parties are very normal at that age.

Do you have other friends, not necessarily 'mum friends'?
I wouldn't worry too much if you've got a strong family and friend network anyway.

Sorry, just realised you said you've got no local friends...
I'd focus more on friends for you (colleagues, neighbours) then mum friends specifically. He's got you and his DDad, but you could probably do with a network yourself.
Drinks with colleagues maybe?

Have you tried "Peanut" app? It's almost like tinder for mums 😂 . You swipe if they meet your criteria - location / age of baby etc. I'm in the same situation - recently moved and would like to meet people in the village. Joined Peanut and within 2 days had messaged with 3 mums with babies similar age.

Gosh, I wouldn't even let the party cross my mind -- many or most people have family parties when their offspring are toddlers, and frankly, with the whole pandemic thing, parties of any kind may be entirely impossible.

I also moved out of London to an entirely different part of the country when DS was about that age, and found it miserably isolating. I don't want to depress you, but I never in fact really made any friends other than work friends in the seven years we lived there, despite going to all local baby and toddler groups (and eventually taking over running one), and being a socially confident person. It just wasn't a place where I appealed to anyone local, or if I'm honest where the people there appealed much to me.

Don't beat yourself up. Are there friends or potential friends at work? That was my salvation. As was actually moving away again.

I struggle to make "mum friends" too OP. We only have family parties ,and at that age it makes no difference to them. As long as they meet other children in playgroups etc, I don't think it really matters.

It just wasn't a place where I appealed to anyone local

This is exactly how I feel about myself at our local school which is in a large village. When you have one or two good friends it matters so much less. But I have talked so much shite to blank faces over the years!