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Original poster

Don't know how to get through tomorrow

59 replies

bloodywhitecat · 29/09/2020 21:20

Several months ago my lovely partner turned yellow and, long story short, on Friday we were told he has cancer. Tomorrow we go to the hospital to find out what the plan is. We know that the cancer is in his pancreas (or bile duct, his CNS said pancreas but Macmillan said he'd been referred with bile duct cancer). I know the long term prognosis is poor and I am shit scared. How do we face tomorrow?

OP posts:
dublingirl66 · 29/09/2020 21:21

Lots and lots of love

Cancer sucks so bad

I don't know one family who have not been affected

Sending you good wishes xxxxxx

Bloodybridget · 29/09/2020 21:27

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I had treatment for cancer last year, and am now having more treatment; in my experience, knowing what the treatment plan is, is generally reassuring and makes things easier to deal with. I hope your DP has a great oncology team and wish you both the best possible outcome.

Rathmobhaile · 29/09/2020 21:30

Offering you much sympathy and compassion tonight. But tomorrow take it easy on yourselves - just keep putting one foot in front of the other tomorrow and you will get through the day - whatever it brings by this time tomorrow you'll know. Be kind to yourself - you need it and deserve it.

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General health
Newjez · 29/09/2020 22:01

I've been living with cancer for 15 years. It doesn't get any easier. My cancer is very different from your partner's, but at initial diagnosis they suspected a massive sarcoma, so I sort of know what you are going through. 'Fortunately' mine turned out to be lymphoma.

I would ask if you can record the consultation, as when you are under that much stress it is very hard to take everything in, and it will take a while to come to terms with what you are told.

Deal with what you know, and your immediate treatment. Don't worry about the future so much. You can't change it. You will get through it. Things may not be the same afterwards, but you will get through it.

petalpower · 29/09/2020 22:12

I remember your thread a few weeks ago when your partner first became unwell. Sending you strength for tomorrow. Flowers

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 29/09/2020 23:23

@Newjez

I've been living with cancer for 15 years. It doesn't get any easier. My cancer is very different from your partner's, but at initial diagnosis they suspected a massive sarcoma, so I sort of know what you are going through. 'Fortunately' mine turned out to be lymphoma.

I would ask if you can record the consultation, as when you are under that much stress it is very hard to take everything in, and it will take a while to come to terms with what you are told.

Deal with what you know, and your immediate treatment. Don't worry about the future so much. You can't change it. You will get through it. Things may not be the same afterwards, but you will get through it.

Macmillan have told us it's OK to record so I think we will. We have got a list of questions written down to ask. I don't suppose anyone ever thinks they'll be in this position yet here so many of us are. I wish you well.

Thank you all for the well wishes.

OP posts:
MJMG2015 · 29/09/2020 23:28

((Big hugs))). I remember your other thread.

I'll be thinking of you both tomorrow. I hope the prognosis is better than you're expecting xx

Gilead · 29/09/2020 23:36

Best friend had this in February. He had a full Whipple procedure, a big op, 12 rounds of chemo and has been told things are looking really good. He has a last scan next month, but when he asked for a prognosis recently, he was told to ‘ask again in five years’ .
I hope your dp has a similar outcome. 💐

Eekay · 29/09/2020 23:36

Sending you very best wishes. I hope you have lots of support.

LuluBellaBlue · 29/09/2020 23:38

Sending you love Flowers

petalpower · 30/09/2020 19:01

Hope today has been the best it can be for you and your partner @bloodywhitecat. You have been in my thoughts.

millymollymoomoo · 30/09/2020 19:22

My df has a cancerous tumour in bile duct and intestine and had whipples procedure - that was 12 years ago and did not require radiotherapy or chemo. He’s still fine

Fingers crossed for the sane outcome for you and partner

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 30/09/2020 19:27

Thank you.

The doctor opened with "I have no good news for you"

If he does nothing he has 6 months. if he goes down the chemo route he's looking at a year, with a Whipple's he's got a 30% chance of 5 years. They don't know if the cancer is from the bile duct or the pancreas.

OP posts:
petalpower · 30/09/2020 19:39

Sounds like it’s been a very difficult day for you both. Thinking of you.

FourPlasticRings · 30/09/2020 19:42

So sorry, OP. It's a truly rubbish situation to be in. Flowers

Crispsareafoodgroup · 30/09/2020 19:44

Good luck. It’s so so hard but you will get through it because you have to. I’ve been in your position and it is shit. I’m sorry you’re going through it.

FizzyPink · 30/09/2020 19:45

Gosh OP what an awful thing to have been told. I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling tonight Flowers

dublingirl66 · 30/09/2020 19:45

I'm so sorry xxxx

jessycake · 30/09/2020 19:58

So sorry for you , I have looked for updates and was keeping my fingers crossed for a better outcome for you both x

GingerFigs · 30/09/2020 20:04

So sorry that you and your DP are going though this. Hugs and a hand hold

AlwaysCheddar · 30/09/2020 20:10

So sorry xx

Happymum12345 · 30/09/2020 20:13

I’m so sorry for all you’re going through Flowers

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 30/09/2020 20:14

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and your lovely DP. You are in my thoughts.

Brightermornings · 30/09/2020 20:16

I'm so sorry the news wasn't good. My advice is take all the help that is offered. And if you can get some counselling I have just been through something similar with a family member and I feel like I've been hit by a truck.

youdidask · 30/09/2020 20:38

How do you get through tomorrow?
However you can. One step at a time, only thinking about that moment.
I need to get up and wash
I need to get dressed
I need to eat and drink

One foot in front of the other.

It maybe overwhelming and it maybe anticlimactic in that you might not get the answers you want or need.

Be kind to yourselves and each other.
Remember everyone deals with things differently.