Money/relationship - How would you do it

[happydays67]

Scenario:

• Me and my partner are buying a home together
• Im using my inheritance towards the property
• Inheritance = £160k
• Property = £335k
• We are getting a mortgage for the rest
• He currently pays what the total mortgage payment would be for the above plus £200 on his current mortgage
• I currently don't have house payments as my inheritance covers it
• We are going to split the mortgage & bills in half
• So he will have far less outgoings & mine will increase, also, i will probably pay more for food as i have a 5 year old son who will live with us, his kid will only be there every other weekend.
• His salary is 3x higher than mine

(I will have my inheritance protected fyi)

QUESTIONS:

How would you do it?
Would you just split bills and say he should cover mortgage? (Obv making it so that he owns that percentage of the property, mortgage value wise)
Food shopping wise, how do we divvy that up as i will pay more
What is fair?
Etc

Thank you so much, sorry i just need other opinions on this x

@Pebblexox oh no he will pay half food and his own toiletries is what he meant i think

Looking back the toiletries thing prob was a silly thing he said.

So if we were to just split bills and he covers the mortgage, then im guessing we would divide it up that he has his 25% i have 75% and split profit? Should we break up i mean

But if he's paying the mortgage then it's a 50/50 split surely in the event of a break up. Or is my maths wrong?

I appreciate that @happydays67 , you're doing what any partner should , you're thinking of the family as a whole. I just don't think he's doing the same. From the information you've given us , it looks like he's trying to squeeze as much 'value' as possible out of you and this arrangement you're going into.

@combatbarbie do you mean 50/50 of the property as a whole?

The way i see it is either

1. I put in 75% say, we split the mortgage 50/50 therefore if we split i would have my 75% plus half of the 25% as we paid halvos on mortgage. Plus half on profit if any. (This is based on if we paid off the mortgage then broke up, ignoring what we would pay back to bank for ease)

Or

2. i put in 75%, he pays the mortgage for the 25%, then if we sell i will keep my 75% and he keeps 25%.

[quote happydays67]@ForeverRedSkinhead
In terms of it being a room for his son, i dont know why i just dont see it like that.
We each have a child, so irrespective of how often they are over they each need a room, is how i see it.
An office would be fab but out of budget i think :)

To answer the maintenance queries, yes he does pay for clothes uniforms other bits, glasses toys essential stuff as well as the fun stuff so he will pay for the bday etc, so i get that it seems like absolute pittance but combined with the other stuff its reasonable i guess ?

So if we were to just split bills and he covers the mortgage, then im guessing we would divide it up that he has his 25% i have 75% and split profit? Should we break up i mean. [/quote]
He pays £1800 a year maintenance for his child. In my opinion, it's troubling he offered that as a basic and then tops it up. Surely he isn't stupid enough to think that covers enough contribution towards housing and bills for his son, regardless of how he tops it up with stuff like uniform - I doubt it's enough to make up for the £150 a month. I certainly wouldn't be considering having kids with him.

Have you raised the nitpicking about toiletries with him yet? The fact that even came to his mind seems very telling.

@ForeverRedSkinhead no i do get what you mean :-( im hoping as its quite new we are having communication problems rather than it being more sinister.
Of course my eyes are wide open and i wont bury my head.

They should really have a "life" subject in school lol this is very stressful

I'm probably just getting confused with the maths. Your 160k is just under half the house worth. So if he pays the mortgage and then your 50/50 on bills the house is 50/50ish owned.

If you pay half the mortgage then your share is 75% ish and his 25%.

I hope you can work it out do that you're both comfortable op.

I just remember my Mother being taken advantage of by a single man with eow access to his children about 20 years ago. We were all grown , she had a lovely house in a nice area , complete with 2 spare rooms. He bled her dry for a decade before leaving , she was in debt for the first time in her life.

He paid minimum cm and topped up with clothes and treats too , he also tried to constantly tip finances in his favour. He did this in small ways but it was every day. It all adds up.

Be careful.

[quote happydays67]@combatbarbie do you mean 50/50 of the property as a whole?

The way i see it is either

1. I put in 75% say, we split the mortgage 50/50 therefore if we split i would have my 75% plus half of the 25% as we paid halvos on mortgage. Plus half on profit if any. (This is based on if we paid off the mortgage then broke up, ignoring what we would pay back to bank for ease)

Or

2. i put in 75%, he pays the mortgage for the 25%, then if we sell i will keep my 75% and he keeps 25%. [/quote] @happydays67 as I said, I am going through the same so looked at lots of different options.

There are 2 options here for you, 50/50 split and a % option.

if you go for the 50/50 that means that if/when you sell you get your £160 first and a cut of what the house sells for after you've paid mortgage off.

if you go for the % option, where you put in the 160 (75%) and he pays the mortgage, then after your 160 and the mortgage pays off he gets the rest, which sounds ok now but if the house massively increases in value over the years, he could end up with a lot more than you but not have put anything in only the 25% going forward and you have still been paying for the bills/upkeep etc.

I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound mean, but you're putting in all your savings, he's not but could benefit massively more than you.

Is he taking the piss split things in half. He earns more so should pay more your not housemates your partners