Money/relationship - How would you do it

[happydays67]

Scenario:

• Me and my partner are buying a home together
• Im using my inheritance towards the property
• Inheritance = £160k
• Property = £335k
• We are getting a mortgage for the rest
• He currently pays what the total mortgage payment would be for the above plus £200 on his current mortgage
• I currently don't have house payments as my inheritance covers it
• We are going to split the mortgage & bills in half
• So he will have far less outgoings & mine will increase, also, i will probably pay more for food as i have a 5 year old son who will live with us, his kid will only be there every other weekend.
• His salary is 3x higher than mine

(I will have my inheritance protected fyi)

QUESTIONS:

How would you do it?
Would you just split bills and say he should cover mortgage? (Obv making it so that he owns that percentage of the property, mortgage value wise)
Food shopping wise, how do we divvy that up as i will pay more
What is fair?
Etc

Thank you so much, sorry i just need other opinions on this x

So his DC is only there every other weekend and his maintainance payment is very little.
Sounds like a gem. Don't waste your time.

I wouldn't move in with a man who only pays half the required maintenance for his DC and is quibbling over paying half of food and toiletries.

You shouldn’t be be paying any of the mortgage. You are buying your half of the house outright. He’s paying mortgage on his half.

Aside from the above. That’s no way I’d move in with this heinous creature. He sounds tight, selfish, and mean at best... at worst he’s gaslighting you

In this house the one with 4x more money than the other would cover the car, with the poorer person putting petrol in as needed.

This sounds like a recipe for disaster

How are you going to protect your inheritance????

So if he’s in a higher paid roll, is he going to be doing half the cooking and cleaning and his own ironing etc? What about when his child is there? Because if you are covering wife work then there has to be an offset for this. I honestly can’t see what a 5yo could eat that would cause him to not include in general food bill, on the fence with toiletries-depends if you’re talking about radix body wash or clarins! If you are both really committed and it’s long term, honestly is he going to go to the Maldives on holiday and leave you home because you can’t afford it? I’d worry about the 150 a month for his child, unless he also buys uniforms/clothes etc

@Redtartanshoes

You shouldn’t be be paying any of the mortgage. You are buying your half of the house outright. He’s paying mortgage on his half.

Aside from the above. That’s no way I’d move in with this heinous creature. He sounds tight, selfish, and mean at best... at worst he’s gaslighting you

Exactly this. He expects you to pay towards the mortgage when you already own half the house? Is he for real?

I wouldn’t buy a house with someone that tight-fisted & mean

When people are not on the same salary (which most aren't) it's actually not fair to split bills 50-50. You should each contribute a % of your income to bills and mortgage. So for example each contributing 20% of your take home pay to the mortgage, his share then being higher. That's the only fair way.
I would seek legal advice to get a contract that protects your inheritance too before committing to a mortgage together.

If the OP paid towards the mortgage, then that’s because she’s have, say, 70% share of the house and not half.

in the day he uses work van is he self-employed and avoiding giving much money towards his child? Clearly 150 is peanuts considering his income and the cost of having a child and childcare etc.

He should be paying more than £150 child maintenance. Be careful if you have kids with him, he should want to provide for his dc.

You have already nearly covered your half of the house with the deposit. He could then cover the mortgage in full. You can protect your deposit and if you do need to sell you'll get that back and he'll have what's left. Make sure it's all drawn up properly.

It doesn't seem fair that he will end up with £2k and you only £500 unless he's happy to pay the lions share towards family days out/meals/holidays etc then it could possibly work. You need to work this out so that you're happy before you buy a house together though.

With the cars, it would make sense just to each pay for your own rather than splitting anything.

When your wages are so different 'paying half' just doesn't seem fair in my opinion. We pay 50%, so for example one earns £4,000pm the other earns £2,000pm, so one pays £2,000 and the other £1,000 towards bills. That way you both have 50% of your income to cover whatever you please... if we have phone bills, personal loans, hobbies etc they come out of our personal money and food, utilities, home improvements all come out of the 'bills money'. Works well for everyone we know

Given his lack of maintenance I'd walk away.
But also as above you are saving him so much in interest and yet he is penny pinching over your toiletries.
He is taking advantage big time.

Would you reconsider this whole decision? It really doesn’t sound great...

He's a tightarse and is onto a good thing buying a house with you who he's expecting to pay 50/50. That's a joke! It should be proportional to your incomes and if you will be owning the house 50/50, then you don't need to pay anything for the mortgage as you have bought your half outright. Otherwise you should own 75% and him 25%.

This sounds like a really bad idea!

Thanks everyone for your feedback

In terms of the comment about proportionate to salary, i get that im not on the best salary, by choice because the hours fit around school, im not stressed about childcare costs and rushing back from the commute which i did for couple years so im speaking from experience rather than just choosing the life of luxury route. However, ive always felt like well why should he pay more because ive chosen this job/wage?

Am i flawed in my thinking? If so why?

I do however also get that, my share is more so the option of him covering the mortgage could def be discussed.

Why does he pay so little maintenance? There may be a valid reason (eg he handed over the marital house in its entirety and she agreed to accept a low sum in return) but if there isn’t a valid reason...... alarm bells, surely....

@happydays67

I think it all really comes down to what you want from the relationship.

You chose your job/hours to enhance your family life. It's pretty common that the mothers income takes a hit when kiddos are small. Your lower income clearly works for you so don't chastise yourself for making that decision.

If I was buying a house with a partner I would expect that we would be living as a family - as in my kids should be treated as his kids - you are all family - no extra 'bill' for their food. (I am struggling to get my head around the audacity of that suggestion tbh)

Please don't forget that you are facilitating a very good investment for him. Your inheritance is enabling him to get a mortgage on a house he may otherwise not be able to afford. Your contribution to the deposit will save him so much money in interest alone never mind appreciation in value. I hate to sound so sceptical but it may be that he sees your relationship as a very convenient financial transaction and doesn't want to over spend on any unnecessary 'extras' in his eyes.

Take a long hard look at this relationship.

He sounds like a right tight wad @happydays67 If you spilt up after kids, that’ll be you getting £150pcm (or less) and that’s if he can be bothered to pay. Just buy your own place and have him over every once in a while.

So your share of the house is 75% and that's been discussed?

You would be mad to move in with him if he is really suggesting you pay more for food. He sounds mean and stingy.

@combatbarbie yes so it would say in the deed 75% is mine, and the remaining 25% plus any
Profit is split equally

He pays less than half what he should be if she was to pursue him for maintenance through formal channels.

He will have four times your disposable income and is quibbling over toiletries despite this.

He sounds like a dick to be honest. He contributes £150 towards housing, clothing, feeding, hobbies... of his own child. Do you think that's what a decent parent does?

By "she" I mean the mother of his child, obviously.

If you can afford another 25% then yes absolutely do it but I'd be inclined due to salaries that it's 50/50 so he pays the mortgage,and rest of bills are 50/50. If he's going to quibble over what a 5yr old eats, tell him to grow up.