Money/relationship - How would you do it

[happydays67]

Scenario:

• Me and my partner are buying a home together
• Im using my inheritance towards the property
• Inheritance = £160k
• Property = £335k
• We are getting a mortgage for the rest
• He currently pays what the total mortgage payment would be for the above plus £200 on his current mortgage
• I currently don't have house payments as my inheritance covers it
• We are going to split the mortgage & bills in half
• So he will have far less outgoings & mine will increase, also, i will probably pay more for food as i have a 5 year old son who will live with us, his kid will only be there every other weekend.
• His salary is 3x higher than mine

(I will have my inheritance protected fyi)

QUESTIONS:

How would you do it?
Would you just split bills and say he should cover mortgage? (Obv making it so that he owns that percentage of the property, mortgage value wise)
Food shopping wise, how do we divvy that up as i will pay more
What is fair?
Etc

Thank you so much, sorry i just need other opinions on this x

[quote happydays67]@combatbarbie yes so it would say in the deed 75% is mine, and the remaining 25% plus any
Profit is split equally [/quote]
Why is the profit going to be split equally? It's mostly YOUR money that's going to be creating it.

Make sure that your houseshare with your partner is watertight and that he can't get a higher claim on the rest of your house.

I called it a houseshare as he doesn't seem to see you as family, so don't expect it to be anymore than a houseshare with benefits.

1 Protect your inheritance
2 pay half mortgage each. Should things go wrong you the get inheritance plus half the mortgage
3 Bills should be divided by proportionally what each person earns

Jesus fuck don't move in with a tight wad. You'll make your sons life way more difficult than it needs to be. Your inheritance is a way forward to a better life, not one where you struggle and subsidise someone else.

His suggestion is to split everything half apart from food and toiletries as 2 of us and female so more toiletries.

Oh my fucking god. What am I even reading?!

If this is his mindset you are absolutely insane to even consider buying property with him, especially if you are not married. He thinks it's ok to "punish" you because you're female. I'm honestly gobsmacked.

Do NOT risk your inheritance on this man. Everything else you wrote sounds dodgy as well. No no NOPE.

So have I got this right.. you are getting rid of your car when you have a child and need it for shopping and then pay half of the costs for his ?

How does that work ?

Also is he paying £150 maintenance a week or a month ?

[quote happydays67]@combatbarbie yes so it would say in the deed 75% is mine, and the remaining 25% plus any
Profit is split equally [/quote]

Just so you know if you get married then the whole house becomes a marital asset and the tenancy in common arrangement which it looks like you are going for may get disregarded

I am going through exactly the same thing now. I am putting £180k into a house purchase and we are getting a small mortgage for the rest. As we're both on similar salaries the mortgage and household bills will be split 50/50 between us.

We have done all the paperwork with my solicitor to protect my assets and we're called tenants in common, so, if we split and sell the house the first £180 goes to me, the house is paid off and the rest is split 50/50.

I have also done a will which states if anything happens to me my partner can stay in the house until he wants to sell then the £180 goes to my children and he gets the rest to move on/do with as he wishes.

If we get married then I do another will that again protects my £180 and it isn't disregarded.

Hope that helps. Oh and we each have a 20 year old coming with us and my 17 year old splits his time between me and his dad, and my OH is not asking me for more money when my 17 year old stays, so I think that your OH is unreasonable to think you should pay more for toiletries, totally bizarre IMO.

Get the papers protecting your deposit checked carefully by a second solicitor.
My sister bought with her partner. All her first house money went into the house, they split the mortgage payment 50/50 as equal earners. When they split, she lost half her deposit along with getting 50/50 on the profit. The paperwork was badly written and he walked away with all her money after only a year. Be careful.

Don’t do it.

The fact that he even THOUGHT of toiletries - omg. And his maintenance payments are a disgrace 😡

You can sum this up in one sentence.

This is a man who is out for himself.

It’s as simple as that.

He wants a bigger nicer house and that’s why he’s keen.

He doesn’t want to be a family.

He doesn’t see you as a team.

Toiletries 😮

It seems such a small thing but it waves the biggest red flag you could possibly wave. Who would even THINK of that but the biggest taker going?!?!

Obviously you know your partner better than anybody op , but so many alarm bells are ringing here.

The most obvious one is the small cm payments he makes , are you sure he's not pulling the wool over his ex partners eyes? Or worse , and he's a bit of a nasty character , and she has had to accept the the small payment as he messes her around if she speaks up. I know about these situations , I've been there , I'm living it.

Also , he's happy for you to use the entire lump sum towards the house , then leave you much shorter than him each month after mortgage payments. Then he makes you pay more still , because you're female and have a child , yet I don't see any mention of how much it costs him when his child stays with you.

I'll be honest with you @happydays67 , he sounds like a nasty penny pincher, and ridiculously selfish. He gets to live in a big house , pay a tiny mortgage , his dc paid for when they stay , he doesn't provide for his child much in general , reading between the lines he gets a lovely step mum too. He also potentially get 50% of the house if you marry then split dependent on how tightly ringfenced your lump sum is.

You however are getting stung , and don't seem to be enjoying the privilege of your inheritance at all. This money is to make your life (with your child) easier , but your partner is reaping far more benefits here and it sounds so very wrong.

Red flags all over OP...don't do it...just buy yourself something for you. Or hold off until things are more serious and you guys get married etc...

Can just ask @happydays67 , does this house , perhaps , have an office for your partner , or a room for his child?

@Redtartanshoes

You shouldn’t be be paying any of the mortgage. You are buying your half of the house outright. He’s paying mortgage on his half.

Aside from the above. That’s no way I’d move in with this heinous creature. He sounds tight, selfish, and mean at best... at worst he’s gaslighting you

Yep. It really sounds awful, OP. Somehow this is going to cost you your inheritance. Reconsider.

@ForeverRedSkinhead yeah no probs :) So his work isnt office based he is out and about, im the one who works from home, but the new house doesnt have an office so i'll be working from dining table.
Yes
Its a 3 bed so a room for us, double room for my ds and a smaller double (but not a single)
room for his ds

@thesecangettofuck

Jesus fuck don't move in with a tight wad. You'll make your sons life way more difficult than it needs to be. Your inheritance is a way forward to a better life, not one where you struggle and subsidise someone else.

This. Put your child's interests first.

And I would have huge reservations having a child with this man. Don't saddle someone with him as a father.

Keep back £10K and add a office pod on the garden

@2me2u2u2me oh wow! What are the chances. This is honestly so helpful, ive screenshot it so i can go over these points with the solicitor, so thank you for that.

I agree the toiletry thing is ridiculous i will have another chat about that.

Sounds so negative doesnt it, but i wouldnt be happy going into something without protecting me and my ds

@happydays67 no problem, ask me anything as I seem a bit further along than you. I also have a point in my will that if I die and he remarries, he sells the house immediately and my boys get their inheritance, it's all very business like unfortunately but needs must when you're going into something like this.

yes chat to your OH, you know what men are like, they say things without thinking, that may be what he's done re: the toiletry comment.

@happydays67 , thanks.

So in theory he is asking for you to pay extra for your child's food , but you're providing, without question , a room for his child (eow) , when you really need an office space.

Years ago we bought our first flat thanks to now DHs inheritance, it was 50k. That inheritance was ring fenced until we married. Totally reasonable imo. We agreed that once married and kids it kind of became irrelevant particularly as I am now the high earner so have probably paid it off over the years.

Sorry OP are you not troubled that he gives £150 towards his child's food, clothing, housing, hobbies etc despite having plenty of disposable income?

He would rather keep that money than help the mother of his child more and help make his child's life more comfortable.

He knows that he pays about half what he would if she went through official channels, of course he knows that.

Doesn't that trouble you as it says so much about his character, priorities and potential as a parent?

I would only move in with someone who I would be happy to marry and share everything I own with/joint bank accounts etc. Wouldn't do it otherwise.

Why are food and toiletries your job to pay for? Does he not eat, wash, wipe his asshole, brush his teeth, use deodorant?
Honestly it sounds as if he's using you, and I'd be very cautious moving forward with this. Your inheritance should be used to provide a comfortable life for yourself and your son, not to subsidise a tight man who doesn't want to open his wallet more than he deems necessary.

Also on the maintenance thing. After he gives the £150, does he give anything more? Pay towards school uniforms, buy clothes, split the cost of school trips, shoes? He has a lot of disposable income, and it's concerning that he isn't using more of that to support his child.

@ForeverRedSkinhead
In terms of it being a room for his son, i dont know why i just dont see it like that.
We each have a child, so irrespective of how often they are over they each need a room, is how i see it.
An office would be fab but out of budget i think :)

To answer the maintenance queries, yes he does pay for clothes uniforms other bits, glasses toys essential stuff as well as the fun stuff so he will pay for the bday etc, so i get that it seems like absolute pittance but combined with the other stuff its reasonable i guess ?

So if we were to just split bills and he covers the mortgage, then im guessing we would divide it up that he has his 25% i have 75% and split profit? Should we break up i mean.