Partner of 11 years flirting with work friend

[CazTryingtogetby]

Last night my partner finally admitted he’d been txting a girl he works with. He says he’s not happy in himself and liked the attention from her. He also says me finding out and saying it’s over between us (he’s lied about many things and made me incredibly insecure) has made him realise me and my son and our family do make him happy and he needs to get help to know why he isn’t happy with himself. He does suffer with depression and anxiety. He says he loves me, is in love with me and finds me attractive, he’ll do whatever it takes to make it work, even quit his job.
I don’t know what to do. I’m broken and don’t know how to deal with this.

[Ruminating2020]

Could you ask MN to move this to Relationships? I think you may have more responses there.

I can't tell you what to do, you could choose to forgive his behaviour if he has been honest with you and get him to take steps that it will not go any further. There is every possibility that it might so he needs to make the effort either to ignore this colleague or even ask for a transfer to another office or department.

Are you happy with his offer of making things work? The fact that he has told you before it has escalated shows self awareness on his part and that he is willing to do something about it.

If you don't know what to do perhaps you could ask him to give you some space until you have worked out what you want and whether you'd still like him to be in your life.

[Hugsgalore]

What kind of texting? Was there talk of meeting up? Sexting? Pics?

I think for me it would depend on what was said in the texts. I think some low level of flirting is OK but sexting and sending pics is a definite no.

Also did he talk to you first or was he caught? And if he was caught do you think he would have fussed up before anything happened?

[CazTryingtogetby]

Thanks for your replies. I’d been suspicious for a while as he was always on his phone but never had any recent messages if I asked him to show me. He was caught I didn’t believe he was txting his mum so asked to see. He says they had just become close as they spend so much time together, they get on, he found her attractive. Apparently they’d only said they liked each other, that it wouldn’t go any further. She’s married.
We have booked couples counselling he’s saying everything that I want to hear at the moment.

[Rigamorph]

I think it's good that you found out before it went any further. Relationships can come back from worse than this.
Go to the couples counselling. Good luck

[Ruminating2020]

I think once a mutual attraction has been disclosed, then they need to end it before it gets any further. They may feel they have enough self control and resolve to stop it escalating but why risk it?