Learning to drive when older. Help!

[OneForTheRoadThen]

I've started learning to drive at age 40. I've always had anxiety (medicated) so have put it off for years but now I have young children I really just want to be able to go on day trips or holidays without having to lug everything on public transport.

I've had 5 2 hour lessons and I just don't feel I'm getting it. I actually almost stopped my lesson yesterday and felt like giving the whole thing up. I don't understand the clutch and the bite and when you use it after braking, I still only just can go in second gear and my instructor has to literally talk me through everything. I feel like I'm never going to be able to drive independently let alone with 2 children in the back.

It doesn't help that I'm in London, zone 4, so the roads are always really busy. Everyone keeps saying 'it will soon click' but it isn't and at the back of my mind is how expensive the whole process is and how I can't afford what is obviously going to be hundreds of hours of lessons. DH doesn't drive either abs I really do want to be able to but I just feel so anxious.

I feel I would have been more gung-ho if I'd learned as a teenager and I'm cross I left it so long.

Does anyone have any success stories of not being a natural driver? Or of learning as an adult? I really need a boost.

TBH there is a bit of snobbery around manual vs automatic, there is an attitude the manual is 'better' somehow. I learned in a manual and drove one for decades but now drive an automatic. It's neither better nor worse than a manual, it's just a bit less tedious in town traffic.

How often do you need to hire cars abroad anyway? You can't hire a car at all at the moment, if you have an automatic-only licence you wouldn't be any worse off than you are now, and it is possible to hire an automatic in most countries so long as you book ahead. The only valid argument against having an automatic-only licence is that it limits what second-hand car you can buy, but in a few years time most cars will be electric or hybrid and they are all automatic.

I also recommend an intensive course. I took lessons when I was 35, had a week long intensive course which was 5 hours a day of driving mon to Thursday with 3 hours on the friday and the test at the end of friday. My instructor also taught me 'out of area' as there were less routes to learn, and I then booked and took my test in that area.
It was the best thing I did, although on the wed I nearly gave it all up. I was crying as just wasn't getting it. Was so frustrating. But all came good in the end.

I was 28 or 29 with 2 kids when I learned to drive - I hated it tbh, it did not click during lessons or even for the first wee while after passing my test.

It did eventually - I just automatically drive in most situations now, I think it helped to realise that test passing standard isn’t actually competent, it’s just - can kind of control a car... then you learn to drive properly after you’ve passed.

Oh and hill starts are hard - I still find sometimes especially in newer cars that I can’t actually feel the biting point, you’re having to just learn what angle your feet need to be at for that car... which is fine on the flat, but not so much on a hill.

I also learned in a manual, but drove automatic until last year. I have gone back to manual, but hate it, and can't wait for this car to 'die' so I can go back to automatic.

I learned when I was very old indeed (relatively) and absolutely loathed the whole process. Not only was I not a natural driver, but being so old meant I'd got out of the habit of learning new skills, so I found lessons exhausting and demoralising and couldn't imagine there would ever come a time I'd be able to drive.

I did 90-minute lessons twice a week for 9 months, but it was only when I could drive reasonably well that I went out practising with DH as I really needed the instructor beside me. DH was a rubbish teacher as he'd been driving since he was 17 and couldn't remember the process of actually learning so he just couldn't get why I couldn't do things as they were so instinctive for him.

I passed first time (amazingly) but honestly, it took another 2 years before I was fully confident about just getting in the car and driving anywhere on all types of road. You improve gradually, though, and I found every few months I would feel more confident and more relaxed about it and something else would click into place.

It's by far the biggest achievement of my life and I can't believe how much I love actually driving as I hated the process of learning to do it. You just have to get your head down and stick with it even though there is not one thing that's enjoyable about it. Have faith that it will all come good in the end.

I took an intensive course in my 30s. I had had a couple of lessons in my teens and couldn't get to grips with it at all.

I drove for the first time 9.30 Monday morning, passed my test 2.30 Friday afternoon.

Then DH put me in a car alone and made me drive round town and out into the countryside over the weekend.

I have loved driving ever since. It changed our lives. We can now live out of town, I am self employed, drive round all day. It was far less scary than I thought it would be.

I learned in my 30s and remember feeling like I'm never going to get this I'm never going to feel confident on these busy roads... I don't know how long it took me to get it but eventually I did and now I'm really confident (sometimes overly so if I'm honest)

I heard a quote saying you don't learn to drive properly until after you pass your test and I really feel that. I wasn't confident at all until after my test.

Its really worth sticking with it and you could switch to automatic as others have said.

It is life changing to be able to drive, please don't give up!

I definitely would recommend an intensive course. I did four hours a day for four days and then took my test on the fifth. It was definitely better because you don't spend the time catching up from what you did the previous time. It is much more tiring but well worth it.
Regarding finding the biting point, the tip that my instructor gave me which I find really helpful, is that you can see when the car has reached or is close to biting point because the front of the car moves up and down. Try looking out for it when you're doing the lesson you might find it helpful.

I'm learning at 40 too,I'm around half way through it all and have 2 hour lessons a week.Its scary but it'll be so worth it

I really think you would benefit from going automatic. No clutch issues, no hill starts, just two pedals, it’s like driving a bumper car!

Thanks everyone. I'm reassured that no one has told me to give it up as a bad job! I've spoken to DH and come to the decision that I'll use up the 10 hours I've paid for already with my current instructor and if it still hasn't 'clicked' I will move to automatic. I'll probably look at doing an intensive or semi intensive course too to immerse myself more and hopefully forget less!

My DH was over 50 when he learned to drive so it’s absolutely possible to do.

I passed my test when I was 40, I had loads of lessons over they years but as I lived in Central London and didn't really 'need' a car, I kept giving them up. Then when I hit 40 I thought I ought to learn as it's a useful skill and I didn't know when I might need it. So I took up the lessons again and being older actually helped, I was calmer than when I'd had lessons previously.

I learnt manually and did think 'I'm never going to get this' and 'how do other people make this look so easy?' and you think it's never going to click but one day it does and boom, you are ready for your test. It's odd how the brain works, repetition is the key.

Fast forward and I passed my test a few months later, first time much to my amazement, and then moved to rural Surrey where there is no public transport and I would struggle hugely without a car! I absolutely LOVE driving now, it's second nature.

Good luck, you can do it

I learned aged 32 as I moved very rurally and had a small baby.
I took an automatic test as I have nerve damage in my left leg.
I will never be great in heavy traffic but I can get by around here.

Don't give up, and automatic isn't '2nd best' but it does limit your choice of 2nd hand cars / rentals but mostly that doesn't matter if you can drive

I did stop-start lessons for seven years because I hated it so much. I just couldn't get my head around the clutch and had a few issues with stalling the car at busy junctions/not finding the bite on a hill. I used to cry before and after my lessons.

I finally decided to bite the bullet and take automatic lessons before my theory test expired (I took it twice as the first lapsed!). It was like night and day! I've not had any problems finding a second hand car either; it has been five years since I passed, I've had two cars in that time and both were the exact make/model/trim that I wanted. Available locally and for a decent price, too.

If all you're interested in is getting from point A to point B, I'd recommend switching to an auto.

I'm learning to drive again and it's hard, so much has changed since i took my test! I find i'm a decent driver but i make a lot of mistakes and sometimes my judgement is off as i'm a nervous driver. The other day i had a spectacular fail when I pulled out of a blind corner and nearly hit a car😳my instructor still told me to book the test...

I learned to drive a few years ago in my 30s. I must have had hundreds of hours of lessons. Nothing about it came naturally, I’m so uncoordinated and I found it all terrifying. In the end I took a 30 hour intensive course, and then my test was cancelled due to bad weather, so I did a further six hours in preparation for the rearranged test a few months later and failed. I then did another six hours of lessons and passed.

I dread to think how much it cost me, and I still actually hate driving, but I can do it. I used to wait so many hours waiting for unreliable public transport, and it has made life so much easier.

I started leaning from scratch in my mid-30s and it took me a lot longer than 10 hours to feel at all like I knew what I was doing. Keep going, it will get easier and I don't think you feel like a 'driver' until you've passed and are out on your own.

It also took me 5 tests but I'm so, so glad I persevered and I'm now reluctant to ever get an automatic as I still feel so happy when I change gears compared to how I found it in the beginning.

I passed many years ago and drive an auto. However my DS 18 just recently passed his test. He said it was one of the hardest things he has done.

Do people really start rolling back in real life? That would be my biggest dread in a manual - crashing into someone behind me! Has that happened to anyone? Going to have bad dreams if anyone said it has!

I finally passed my test just before my 40th birthday after having lessons on and off over 20 years. Everyone told me driving was like walking you just do it but it took till after I passed my test to feel like it all clicked into place. Now I whizz around all over and regularly do long drives very confidently. It will eventually click into place just stick with it for now.

Do try an automatic car, I drive manual and had an automatic hire car for a week and it’s so much easier to drive, so much so I kept stalling my manual car on my first time back in it.

In the US you cannot hire a manual car and although you might pay say £35 more a week for an auto in Europe it is so much better!

I'm soooo tempted to go and get an automatic after reading this thread!

OP keep going- I actually have no idea how many hours of lessons I had with my instructor. I decided at a certain point to stop counting- I'm not a natural driver so knew I wasn't going to be able to pass after 20 hours or whatever, I knew I wasn't going to give up so just stopped even thinking about it! 😂 I'm going to take a guess at maybe 70 hours? Maybe a bit more but no idea.

I passed in a manual only a few weeks ago at the age of 32. By some miracle I passed first time and with only two minors- I've shocked myself as I was honestly prepared for (and almost wanting) more lessons 😂 I've not driven much since though- I need to sort my nerves out!

You'll get there OP. Are you sure you've found the right instructor? I found mine third time lucky, she was fabulous.

Change to automatic lessons it's easier like driving a bumper car and not so much to concentrate on. X

@Bathroom12345
Once you've been driving for a while you be the hang of clutch control, learning a manual is really worth it, (in europe at least) as most cars here are manual, so you can drive any. Autos are becoming more common though so it's really not a big deal, it just limits you to certain cars.

Automatics are great, with hybrids on the rise they will become more and more common. I learned in my 40s, and my very nervous mum learned in her 60s, we both passed our tests first time and i really don't think we would have managed it in a manual.