Learning to drive when older. Help!

[OneForTheRoadThen]

I've started learning to drive at age 40. I've always had anxiety (medicated) so have put it off for years but now I have young children I really just want to be able to go on day trips or holidays without having to lug everything on public transport.

I've had 5 2 hour lessons and I just don't feel I'm getting it. I actually almost stopped my lesson yesterday and felt like giving the whole thing up. I don't understand the clutch and the bite and when you use it after braking, I still only just can go in second gear and my instructor has to literally talk me through everything. I feel like I'm never going to be able to drive independently let alone with 2 children in the back.

It doesn't help that I'm in London, zone 4, so the roads are always really busy. Everyone keeps saying 'it will soon click' but it isn't and at the back of my mind is how expensive the whole process is and how I can't afford what is obviously going to be hundreds of hours of lessons. DH doesn't drive either abs I really do want to be able to but I just feel so anxious.

I feel I would have been more gung-ho if I'd learned as a teenager and I'm cross I left it so long.

Does anyone have any success stories of not being a natural driver? Or of learning as an adult? I really need a boost.

[RainbowParadise]

@WrapTrap you're very brave to get out there straight away with such a young child! That's fantastic.

You're so right, I really do need to do it. I've been having a cider every evening so nobody can tell me to go for a drive after work 😂 I need to get over it and just get on with driving. I've still not driven by myself!

[WrapTrap]

@rainbowparadise get out there and drive, when i first passed i spent an entire week with my 14m old in the back driving everywhere. Get on the motorway, drive at night if you can, due to kids this is something i dont have enough practice of. I love driving by myself, during this periid ive been known to drive over an hour to pick up mates who cant drive so they dont have to get public transport to see me

[RainbowParadise]

Wow @WrapTrap, you sound so similar to me, passed at the same age, similar story with lessons, passed first time surprisingly! I also have young DC and I also have a specific pair of driving shoes they're actually my mums but they have the most perfect thin sole 😂

I hope I can get out on the road and build confidence like you, I want to love driving! Still nervous at the moment 😬

[MadisonAvenue]

I’m 51 and I don’t drive, I’ve always been happy to walk or take the bus or train if going further afield as both are conveniently nearby. I’ve felt really cut off this year though as I don’t feel that public transport is Covid safe...so I’ve decided that I’m going to learn to drive.

I’ve not started yet as the instructor I want to use (who taught both of our sons) is fully booked up at the moment, but I’m determined to do this.

[HadToBeANameChange]

my very nervous mum learned in her 60s

Oh wow - well done your brave mum, Deadringer!

[WrapTrap]

I passed at 32 and have been driving now for 4 (?) Years. It took me over a year of lessons, i honestly thought I'd never get it. I learned in zone 3 london and suprisingly passed first time at a notoriously tricky test centre. I love driving now. I will drive anywhere and am so cross with myself for missing out on so many opportunities when i was younger. It took having kids to make me need to drive. I persevered with a manual although probably could have passed quicker in an automatic. I had a pair of driving shoes for lessons, my oldest most battered converse with the thinnest sole. Even a year after passing i would change specifically into these to drive. Its a cliche but you dont learn to drive until you pass and you're on your own. The instructor is helping to teach you to pass a test. The key thing for me was being able to operate the car safely whilst chatting. Instructors like to chat a bit to see if you can handle the distraction. Its also good training for screaming kids in the back. Once i got close to test ready i did an intensive burst of about 15 hours which tipped me over the edge. London driving is all about the clutch, i live outside of london now and love the country lanes. My instructor used to tell me that the difference between too much and too little clutch was the thickness of a fag paper. It doesnt feel like it now but soon youll be able to jump in the car and speed off using only one hand to steer the wheel (i do not endorse dangerous driving )

[HadToBeANameChange]

Honestly OP, ten hours of lessons is nothing! You will get there - it just needs more time, and more lessons. I started learning to drive at 39, and I had .... 250 lessons over two years before I was ready to take the test. I had no natural ability whatsoever; it just had to be hammered in there with lesson after lesson after lesson. I still didn't feel like a proper driver after I'd passed, so I had another 50 lessons after passing.

I'd say try to get some practice in a friend's or your dad's car, just in empty car parks or really quiet roads. I'd also suggest trying different driving instructors, because they all explain things differently. I had three.

the bit I was trying to describe is when you stop at a junction on a bit of a hill you use the handbrake but then have to find the bite to get going again where as if you are stopped on flat then you don't? I don't know why

• you do, it's just that you don't notice the bite as much on the flat. It helped me a lot to read up about how cars work.
  

Another thing I'd suggest is looking at driving instruction films on YouTube.

Good luck - you'll get there.

[LetsPlayAGame20]

Change to auto.
My friend just has she was anxious. Failed test multiple times.
2 auto lessons and already feels test ready.

I learned at 33 for the same reasons after failing when I was 21 I gave up.

Honestly it's the best thing I ever did.. Although I am now very lazy and drive places when I could probably walk

[walksen]

The rule of thumb I read is that the average person needs can be double you age.

I learnt around 40 too but agree with other posters that going automatic can make things simpler as there is a bit less to think about etc. The old advice about manuals being cheaper and easier to hire etc is getting to be outdated With more hybrids and modern autoboxes. Plus automatics are much easier to use in heavy stop start traffic.

[Deadringer]

Automatics are great, with hybrids on the rise they will become more and more common. I learned in my 40s, and my very nervous mum learned in her 60s, we both passed our tests first time and i really don't think we would have managed it in a manual.

[imissthesouth]

@Bathroom12345
Once you've been driving for a while you be the hang of clutch control, learning a manual is really worth it, (in europe at least) as most cars here are manual, so you can drive any. Autos are becoming more common though so it's really not a big deal, it just limits you to certain cars.

[copperoliver]

Change to automatic lessons it's easier like driving a bumper car and not so much to concentrate on. X

[RainbowParadise]

I'm soooo tempted to go and get an automatic after reading this thread!

OP keep going- I actually have no idea how many hours of lessons I had with my instructor. I decided at a certain point to stop counting- I'm not a natural driver so knew I wasn't going to be able to pass after 20 hours or whatever, I knew I wasn't going to give up so just stopped even thinking about it! 😂 I'm going to take a guess at maybe 70 hours? Maybe a bit more but no idea.

I passed in a manual only a few weeks ago at the age of 32. By some miracle I passed first time and with only two minors- I've shocked myself as I was honestly prepared for (and almost wanting) more lessons 😂 I've not driven much since though- I need to sort my nerves out!

You'll get there OP. Are you sure you've found the right instructor? I found mine third time lucky, she was fabulous.

[Bathroom12345]

In the US you cannot hire a manual car and although you might pay say £35 more a week for an auto in Europe it is so much better!

[Bearlyclearly]

I finally passed my test just before my 40th birthday after having lessons on and off over 20 years. Everyone told me driving was like walking you just do it but it took till after I passed my test to feel like it all clicked into place. Now I whizz around all over and regularly do long drives very confidently. It will eventually click into place just stick with it for now.

Do try an automatic car, I drive manual and had an automatic hire car for a week and it’s so much easier to drive, so much so I kept stalling my manual car on my first time back in it.

[Bathroom12345]

I passed many years ago and drive an auto. However my DS 18 just recently passed his test. He said it was one of the hardest things he has done.

Do people really start rolling back in real life? That would be my biggest dread in a manual - crashing into someone behind me! Has that happened to anyone? Going to have bad dreams if anyone said it has!

[cluecu]

I started leaning from scratch in my mid-30s and it took me a lot longer than 10 hours to feel at all like I knew what I was doing. Keep going, it will get easier and I don't think you feel like a 'driver' until you've passed and are out on your own.

It also took me 5 tests but I'm so, so glad I persevered and I'm now reluctant to ever get an automatic as I still feel so happy when I change gears compared to how I found it in the beginning.

[JHaniver]

I learned to drive a few years ago in my 30s. I must have had hundreds of hours of lessons. Nothing about it came naturally, I’m so uncoordinated and I found it all terrifying. In the end I took a 30 hour intensive course, and then my test was cancelled due to bad weather, so I did a further six hours in preparation for the rearranged test a few months later and failed. I then did another six hours of lessons and passed.

I dread to think how much it cost me, and I still actually hate driving, but I can do it. I used to wait so many hours waiting for unreliable public transport, and it has made life so much easier.

[imissthesouth]

I'm learning to drive again and it's hard, so much has changed since i took my test! I find i'm a decent driver but i make a lot of mistakes and sometimes my judgement is off as i'm a nervous driver. The other day i had a spectacular fail when I pulled out of a blind corner and nearly hit a car😳my instructor still told me to book the test...

[amusedbush]

I did stop-start lessons for seven years because I hated it so much. I just couldn't get my head around the clutch and had a few issues with stalling the car at busy junctions/not finding the bite on a hill. I used to cry before and after my lessons.

I finally decided to bite the bullet and take automatic lessons before my theory test expired (I took it twice as the first lapsed!). It was like night and day! I've not had any problems finding a second hand car either; it has been five years since I passed, I've had two cars in that time and both were the exact make/model/trim that I wanted. Available locally and for a decent price, too.

If all you're interested in is getting from point A to point B, I'd recommend switching to an auto.

[52andblue]

I learned aged 32 as I moved very rurally and had a small baby.
I took an automatic test as I have nerve damage in my left leg.
I will never be great in heavy traffic but I can get by around here.

Don't give up, and automatic isn't '2nd best' but it does limit your choice of 2nd hand cars / rentals but mostly that doesn't matter if you can drive

[SurreyHillsGirl]

I passed my test when I was 40, I had loads of lessons over they years but as I lived in Central London and didn't really 'need' a car, I kept giving them up. Then when I hit 40 I thought I ought to learn as it's a useful skill and I didn't know when I might need it. So I took up the lessons again and being older actually helped, I was calmer than when I'd had lessons previously.

I learnt manually and did think 'I'm never going to get this' and 'how do other people make this look so easy?' and you think it's never going to click but one day it does and boom, you are ready for your test. It's odd how the brain works, repetition is the key.

Fast forward and I passed my test a few months later, first time much to my amazement, and then moved to rural Surrey where there is no public transport and I would struggle hugely without a car! I absolutely LOVE driving now, it's second nature.

Good luck, you can do it

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

My DH was over 50 when he learned to drive so it’s absolutely possible to do.

[OneForTheRoadThen]

Thanks everyone. I'm reassured that no one has told me to give it up as a bad job! I've spoken to DH and come to the decision that I'll use up the 10 hours I've paid for already with my current instructor and if it still hasn't 'clicked' I will move to automatic. I'll probably look at doing an intensive or semi intensive course too to immerse myself more and hopefully forget less!

[LeSquigh]

I really think you would benefit from going automatic. No clutch issues, no hill starts, just two pedals, it’s like driving a bumper car!