Have any of you met a true 'psychopath'

[Hearnoevilspeaknoevil]

Just wondering.
I watched Des last week and found it chilling. The utter ordinariness of Dennis Nielsen and the normalising his awful crimes.
I was thinking how terms like psycho are so overused and often used to describe overly angry or irrational behaviour.
I believe it's more about a very controlling person who operates outside any 'normal' behaviour boundaries.
I've only met one person who I would say is a psycho. Some with narcissistic traits, plenty of angry people but that cold dead reasoning and complete lack of empathy or even humanity, is much rarer.
Interested to see what others think. Or have experienced.

Finance Director where I used to work. Very likeable, but kind of inspires people to go above and beyond in ridiculous ways. Whole team are fixated to the point of obsession on her mood, and making her happy. She is ruthless to anyone who questions her, or people who don’t ‘fit in’/ aren’t easily controlled. She manipulates other members of her team to do her dirty work- essentially bullying by proxy. She’s an expert gaslighter, and makes you feel like you’re the unreasonable one. Her team are often crying in the toilets.

@OuiOuiKitty that is just your opinion, I'm neither autistic or a psycopath but I will only go to a funeral if it's someone important to me that I loved. Otherwise I don't care. I don't want a funeral held when I die either....

I worked with a narcissist on a summer camp for special needs adults and children in the US and years later it was a shock that she'd murdered her lovers' daughter and mentally tortured her. She was 7, I think. Although on the camp she'd seemed a little strange but it wasn't obvious that she had any form of psychopathy which is why it was such a shock and I worried if she'd hurt any of our campers as a lot of them were non-verbal.

My mother had a psychiatric diagnosis of psychopathic personality disorder. She overdosed me on psych meds when I was little and I was taken into care. She also tried to attack my brother with a knife when he was 11. He ended up in care as well.

I had to go back and live with her when I was 12 after she conned her psychiatrist into believing she was a responsible parent. She then proceeded to trash my life until I was 25 when I managed to escape. I never saw her again and she died last year.

She was an evil person. The social worker described her as 'an arch manipulator' and a psychologist warned me to get away from her when I was 22, after meeting with her.

That’s terrible you went through that @rosiethehen

You really can't tell if someone is a psychopath by a look in their eyes. Killing animals and enjoying doing so as a child maybe, but not just a look. And some people are just horrible, unkind, ruthless, whatever. But that didn't necessarily make them a psychopath. I met a social worker several times, he was very pleasant and we all liked him. He was arrested and it transpired that he was probably the most prolific child abuser of his time. He died in prison fortunately. None of you would have been able to tell what he was really like.

Unless it's relevant to your job, or perhaps work with deeply disturbed children, I don't think it's possible to spot them as easily as people might hope.

Yes agreed Delia. Even though I mentioned the look in the eyes of the person I described, I know they were a diagnosed psychopath as it was part of the court proceedings. I would never just assume.

I agree that unless you have training / experience that it is less easy to spot them that one would hope. We all feel safer thinking that we 'can' but it is not always easy. They can be very clever, very charming and very good at mimicking ordinary better functioning people.

Of my 2 businessmen examples above, 1 famously 'fell off a boat'.
Narcissist certainly, sociopath, probably, psychopath? I don't know.

The other one whom I won't name as he is still alive and notoriously litigious is in the property arena. Form for his enemies being killed.
He IS a psychopath, I have no doubt. I now have experience in MH that I didn't have when I met both & worked for 1 of them (briefly!)

@52andblue exactly, if they are any good than you can’t tell. It’s part and parcel of being psychopath

I know who you mean by your “fell off a boat man”! I have a decent guess about who the 2nd one is you referred to

@MrsPworkingmummy

I teach what I describe as the 'hidden' children. Those who have been through the education system and have failed to cope in mainstream, SEN or PRU. We are a step before prison/secure unit. Some of the children are truly chilling and are most certainly the psychopaths/killers of the future

Mrs P, very interesting very scary😶 at least you have an instinct for spotting these types now! What do you think... are they made or born?

I think the closer you are to them, the easier it is to spot. My dad doesn't have a diagnosis (why would he have his mental health looked into when he knows he's perfect?) but Cluster B disorders are quite distinct. These people aren't ill, they're just made differently from the rest of us, and it truly is like dealing with an alien, who looks and talks like a human, but hasn't really learned properly about the finer points of human emotion. It's very disturbing when you see their mask slip. It's not like anything else.

I've taught 2 over the years. Both diagnosed while still at school. I suspect there were more.

One tortured animals for fun. The family moved away to escape the "gossip".

The second was a rapist who firebombed his victim's home for going to the police. He was 16 at the time. Killed himself in prison.

There is a look to them.

Yes. I worked for one. She was incredibly driven, would lie very convincingly to get a contract, had extremely high expectations of us and was incredibly charming but not at all friendly.

She had a dx from childhood and was not at all violent, scary or nasty. Just driven and lacking in social niceties. I think the only reason I knew about that dx was because it suited her for me to know, kept me a little unsettled.

I house shared with a sociopath too. Watching him watch people, trying out facial expressions, practising emotions was odd, knowing he was setting out to manipulate people, often just for his own amusement!

They aren't all stone cold killers. About 5% if the population show traits. So we will all know someone!

[quote EL8888]@52andblue exactly, if they are any good than you can’t tell. It’s part and parcel of being psychopath

I know who you mean by your “fell off a boat man”! I have a decent guess about who the 2nd one is you referred to[/quote]
@EL8888

Pm me if you like, but don't name him - he is genuinely crazy (can't see why he'd hunt me down all these years later but you never know ! )

There's a look to them
There is 😳

@Eckhart

I think the closer you are to them, the easier it is to spot. My dad doesn't have a diagnosis (why would he have his mental health looked into when he knows he's perfect?) but Cluster B disorders are quite distinct. These people aren't ill, they're just made differently from the rest of us, and it truly is like dealing with an alien, who looks and talks like a human, but hasn't really learned properly about the finer points of human emotion. It's very disturbing when you see their mask slip. It's not like anything else.

Yes, that is very accurate. It is interesting to see someone 'try on' ordinary human emotions to later use for their own ends. And try them on quite openly at times. Interesting to write a paper about. Less 'interesting' to be related to / work for / or if you are really unlucky - to meet down a dark lane. I believe they are both born and made. I do not think they can be 'cured' largely as most do not want to be.

Just my tuppence worth though!

There is a look to them.

There really isn't. And I think it's a dangerous thing to say. There was no look to the one I met, he fooled all of us.

Also I suspect my XH was/is one though no formal diagnosis. He was the most charming, attractive man. He was successful in work and fooled many women before and since our marriage. He had no 'look'.

Yes ...
Really quite scary ...
He hid it incredibly well
He's an extremely dangerous man
No conscience , no empathy , no feelings for anyone but himself.
So glad he's gone .

I don't think for one moment there is 'a look'. But living in close contact with someone with those traits uncovers odd ways of coping with social situations, emotions etc.

I have long believed my DF has traits, he certainly is not NT. There isn't a human being alive who isn't there for his manipulation and benefit. Not even his own supposedly much lived DSis, recently deceased and being used to garner sympathy from me and my DSis - on whom he has preyed for decades. He seems to be using his grief to persuade us that he needs us... never going to work but is hard to experience without feeling guilty!

Only once. A family member dated a man who was abusive (including sexually abusing a child), extremely manipulative and controlling, and basically sought out and groomed vulnerable middle aged affluent women with teenage daughters, both to prey on the daughters, but also to be 100% financially supported by the women. I don't think he ever worked a day in his life, apart a few minor ego-boosting acting roles.

Minutes after the sudden violent death of the woman he called his life partner and soulmate, he left the hospital and broke into her house and tore it apart looking for her will, to check what he was getting. He hired a lawyer to contest the will without ever bothering to try to register the death or instruct a funeral director or anything. He also claimed to have murdered her, to try to intimidate her next of kin as part of contesting the (uncontestable) will. At no point did he ever show any emotion or empathy and one psychiatrist described him as being a psychopath.

I also once worked with a woman who was very unstable and engaged in huge amounts of lies and manipulation, and other people thought she was a psychopath, but I disagree as she was very emotional and clearly felt things deeply. In my opinion she met every single diagnostic criteria for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.

Good lord, if there was 'a look' to them, how could they possibly exist quietly in society, as many of them do?! I mean, would you start chatting to/have a relationship with/employ someone wearing an 'I'm a psychopath' T-shirt?

One of their chief skills is manipulation, and the first thing they do to that end is get you to like them. That wouldn't work if they all looked creepy and untrustworthy.

Yes. I worked with him: he was very very attractive, but it was like he was wearing a perfect human suit. He always looked perfect - and he knew it - but he had these penetrating eyes that you felt pinned you down.

ALL the women flirted with him, but he had an intense way of just being in your space that I didn't like.

He killed his wife and had her under his bed wrapped in bin bags until their son found her a number of months later. He's probably out of prison now come to think of it.

Yes, but I work in mental health. Outside of work... maybe? Hard to be sure without a proper assessment, although there are a few people I have had in my life who I believe would fit the description. I've met far more people who claim to be a psychopath/ sociopath and really are not, though, they seem to be labels some really want for whatever reason.

My late partner. He was quite monstrous really, but I only noticed after he'd died. Being with him was like being under a spell. I definitely knew before I was with him that it is wrong to nearly kill your partner (deliberate carelessness), rape them, deliberately confuse them, make them think you are going to murder them (though he might have meant it; I don't know. I think it was probably psycological torture though, not actual intent); yet while I was with him, none of it, or all the other things, seemed unreasonable. Even thinking he was going to murder me didn't stop me being with him.

He was quite remarkably manipulative. Jaw droppingly so. There had been several attempts at diagnosing him as a psychopath I found out- but he always realised so answeted accordingly. He found it quite funny.

One of DH's colleagues used to know Peter Sutcliffe. He gave her a lift home quite a few times, she said he was just a normal bloke, never felt unsafe or got any weird vibes at all.

@PurplePansy05 I have given far less info then other posters. I didn't mention what kind of court. Only that's she's female. I don't really understand why my post was deleted but hey ho!