I believe my abusive ex is one. I’ve never come across anyone who ticks quite like him before and like someone upthread said, I was naive, having been raised to believe the best in people and that all the “bad people” were in jail 🙄
He absolutely had the superficial charm etc. when we met, was the life and soul of the party, and I’d never seen the dead eyes thing, indeed I’d go so far as to say he had particularly magnetic/charismatic eyes... Anyway, gradually I woke up to what was going on.
I do recall having a conversation with him about morals, conscience and guilt where he basically said that guilt was a wasted emotion as it didn’t achieve anything. And that there is no objective truth and nothing can be definitively true or false, that the truth is just what people believe etc. (we were arguing about whether or not he had said a certain sentence or not).
We are unfortunately still embroiled in child custody proceedings years later and although his charisma and charm goes a long way in court even for the judges who you’d think would be wise to such things, he does trip himself up at times by reacting to things the “wrong” way emotionally which he struggles to explain. The only way I’ve ever been able to predict what he’ll do next is by asking myself, if we look at this situation like a game of chess which I must win at all costs and if hurt or damage caused to other humans is not a negative weight in the equation unless it causes personal consequences to me, what is my move now? Using this thought process at times I have accurately predicted behaviour which nobody else including my family, the judge and my lawyers saw coming, including unfortunately at one stage abducting our child.
Since we split up, a couple of times when we’ve talked I have seen the mask slip and the “dead eye” look (I’d actually describe it more like a predator’s eyes, as if a crocodile was eyeing up its next meal) and it is terrifying. He knows that I know now and so he doesn’t put the same effort into hiding it from me/actively enjoys terrifying me with the crocodile eyes knowing that the family courts will never believe me for a second if I tell them he’s a psychopath.
For a long time I worried about our son as I read that it can be inherited and at times I worried that our son lacked empathy when he was younger. However he has fortunately grown into a really caring considerate child and I no longer worry thank goodness. I feel very sorry for him having this man as his father and I carry a lot of guilt about it though.
I also worry about a friend’s son whose ex is in jail for paedophilia and whose son is extremely charming but also lacks empathy in what I personally find a rather shocking way at times even for his own mother. Having said that, he is genuinely caring when it comes to animals and has an autism diagnosis, and every so often he can demonstrate some empathy for his mother, so I’m hoping what I’m seeing is more to do with his autism diagnosis than anything else.