Did your partner plan anything special for your 40th birthday?

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

Obviously I know it's hard to plan anything with covid, but sometimes I feel like I just as well book the restaurant, buy my presents and give them to dh to wrap up there's just no thought or surprises from dh.

It's my ds 16th birthday the day after mine so another special birthday and I've ordered a special cake this yearr with his favourite chocolates, balloons, banners and booked a family meal plus some extra gifts. He wants mainly money so I've planned on wrapping the money up in a helium balloon so it's not just stuffed in a card. I had even planned hiring a hot tub for him and his mates but obviously not sure now with what's going on and I get the idea he wants to go for a meal with his gf which I will book. But dh has organised nothing a bit special for me this year and I feel a bit gutted.

Have you set expectations? My DP knows that I expect coffee in bed (or champagne if not working), a card, presents and a cake at a minimum. In non COVID times he know to book a restaurant too. One year he didn’t - I had a very good Christmas that year
What I’m saying is that you should tell him what you are expecting at a minimum. If he doesn’t deliver, that’s a different conversation, but not everyone does birthdays in the same way - my exH isn’t bothered at all, again I told him I am and he made the effort. I hope you have a wonderful birthday

Will he be claiming any of the thanks for your DS’s birthday treats? Maybe put “love from mum” on all his stuff and see if your H objects. If he wants the kudos without any of the effort that tells you all you need to know about him.

What has he been like for other birthdays? If he’s always been shit he’s not going to suddenly become a good gifter because it’s a big one, so either spell it out to him that you would appreciate him making some effort with xyz to make you feel special, or say you know he’s not going to bother so you’re doing it yourself. But that he’d better not expect you to organise anything for his birthday and he can sort his own gifts out for your DS too.

And order the hot tub for yourself and a couple of mates

I'm 41 and a half. Still waiting for a present for my 40th and there was no celebration x

No. Didn't expect anything either.

DP booked a holiday in Gambia which he knew I'd love as I' d been twice before, and arranged for several mates to surprise me in the pub. He did very well.

For my 41st I got a taxidermied mouse on a crucifix, so he is by no means consistent.

For my 41st I got a taxidermied mouse on a crucifix, so he is by no means consistent.

that sounds hideously brilliant!

Murasaki. You have to tell the rest of the story about the mouse

Yes, it was a few weeks ago. The original plan had been a bbq with friends and a weekend away, which were both cancelled.

Dp planned a day-long treasure hunt around our local area which included rigging a clever use of alexa to talk to me as my spirit ancestors, digging up actual buried treasure from a treasure map, a number of friends being available to give information by phone and a surprise visit from my brother who lives at the other end of the country and met us in the middle of a wood.

It was fantastic.

No.
It’s just another day imho.
We were in Florida for a 3 week holiday at the time with family.
They thought it a good idea for me to swim with a dolphin. They know that I don’t do animals. I don’t do any kind of animal at all, ever.
So for me it was bloody awful.
God only knows what they were thinking...torture for my 40th I think.
Yep, I’m a miserable old hag who dislikes animals, that’s me I’m afraid.
Florida however, was bloody lovely.
Didn’t get any presents though. It really is just another day to me, I’ve no interest in birthdays.
Told you I am a miserable old hag didn’t I.

He had started to plan a party when lockdown hit. He ordered nice presents (although I do have to guide fairly firmly or, just like DPiL with the DC, he goes off-piste (after asking for ideas!) and then I’m mildly miffed (I hide this, obviously)). In normal times he pretty good and will organise dinner out. All much as I do for him.

I won't expect anything for mine. My dh is notoriously crap at being thoughtful. I've never had any sort of surprise for birthdays, Xmas or anything like a card or flowers after having our children. Some people don't have it in them I think. I can't say I don't wish he was different, it would be nice to feel special, just once.

Tbh it will a bit shit of him to plan nothing

It was dhs 40th last week, I did want to do a party for him but obviously can't atm so we had the in laws round for a bbq. I will be holding an 80s party where we all dress up like dicks with loads of decks as soon as we're able to though

Mine arranged a lovely weekend in Paris. On the last night took me to the top of the Eiffel Tower and handed me a Pringles container that contained no crisps but tickets to fly home on Concorde. Obv this was a long time ago . Great experience! (Apart from the swap of Concorde posh meals for a flight crews egg sandwich because he'd forgotten my pathological hatred of cheese which was in every course)

Wow some of these gifts sound amazing. I wasnt expecting alot and didn't want a party but a few little surprises and attention to detail to make me feel a little bit special would have been nice. I think I'm starting to feel really shit about turning 40 and with everything else going on I just feel a bit emotional today. I miss normality and it just feels never-ending. I just want to go out with friends to see a live band, sing and dance. Sorry going off tangent but just feeling 😥

My 40th is next month. We were hoping to go to Amsterdam for the weekend - first time alone in nearly 3 years - but covid. Instead, we’ll stay home and have some champagne and he’s ordering a special dinner to cook for me and I’ll have coffee in bed and generally relax and not load the dishwasher or hang the washing up all weekend.

I’m not a gift person. I don’t want anything. I just want a nice day. Dh is pretty good at gifts, but it really took telling him what I like for him to figure out what matters to me on a special day. What if you said, I’m feeling down, I’d really like a special day planned, I was thinking about maybe x or y, you decide what you want to organise and leave him to it. Only an absolute arsehole would not even try.

No party - I’d have been very upset if he had made a fuss in terms of making a fuss about a specific age.
Very nice present and time away though.

Don't wait and then get nothing!
Have a chat and make a plan together.
Hire a Hot tub
Zoom Quiz nights with friends and family- themed. We had A Hawaiian Backdrop and all
Dressed up for my DH birthday in lockdown. I dropped off part packs at friends houses inc cupcakes, inflatable instruments for the music round, flower leis etc
Small dinner party for 4 other friends
Or you could do a progressive dinner party if you have friends who live in walking distance? Drinks at one house
Starters at another
Main course at another etc

My DH is actually very good at presents so I'm not worried on that front, but I do want him to make the effort to plan a trip for my imminent 40th. I've told him I want to go somewhere, given him a brief of the kind of place and asked him to plan it all. I'm sick of the "wifework" of planning our breaks away and he has taken that on board.
Maybe you need to do similar and have a chat with your DH?

A couple of friends have recently had their milestone birthdays and he's seen me and their DH's make plans for making their days special. I'm hoping he'll follow suit!

Some lovely ideas and gifts. I think that's it Im fed up with planning every thing for everyone else. To be honest if he ordered me a special cake (not shop brought) and some balloons, spa or even pampering vouchers I'd be happy in current circumstances but he's not even done that it's all last minute.com.

When I was 40 I was mum to threel little children. We almost never went out, so on that night I went to the pub with my girlfriends and got drunk. It was fab. I remember coming home and weeing outside in the garden.

No.

For his 40th the year before I got his parents to take the kids, and took him away for a long weekend.

For my 40th he asked his parents rather late if they'd take the kids, but they were busy. It was obvious he had nothing planned so I threw myself a party

For a present he gave me a piece of tech that I didn't have much use for.

I gave strict instructions I wanted a surprise and to go somewhere as a surprise. It was so good as normally all my presents come off Amazon with the packaging showing 🤦🏻‍♀️ be demanding you're only 40 once!