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what do you do in private that you wonder if others do too

118 replies

twixter · 18/09/2020 16:22

Me..I often interview myself when in the car as if I’m on a podcast. Any others?!

OP posts:
Serena1977 · 18/09/2020 18:45

I brush my skin with my hairbrush. I have always been itchy. It especially makes dh giggle when I brush my arm pits.

Ratonastick · 18/09/2020 19:26

I have quite a detailed fantasy life. In my head I am all kinds of glamorous, brave, principled and an icon for women everywhere. I have a famously happy marriage to a devastatingly handsome and wonderful man (identity varies). In fact I am a fat 51 year old single Mum.

I’ve been developing this since I was about 14 and doing my paper round. Back then it occupied my walk to school and said paper round, now it occupies long journeys in the car. I remember being hugely reLieved by a thread on Mumsnet where it turned out that loads of us are out battling hobbits, spying for our country, flying X wings, strutting the red carpet, etc all the time.

Closingtime94 · 18/09/2020 19:28

@KeepSmiling89

Make up little stories about people when out for a walk or sitting in a cafe/restaurant or even when watching people walk past our house. Nothing nasty just thinking about where they're going, where they've been, who they're going to see, how they're feeling etc...
I do this! I like to give people back stories 😂
Shannith · 18/09/2020 19:45

I talk to the cats all the time. Literally whenever they are in the house. Not in a cute animal voice (though I do that too to the cute one) but as in actual discussions as if they were people. Dog just get called an idiot most of the time.

I chat nonsense to the horse too but also mostly along the lines of she's an idiot and move your butt out of the way.

I realised a few days ago that I do this when I'm riding too because someone was in the school with me and I realised I was keeping up a constant running commentary along the lines of "inside leg, outside rein, bend you stupid animal that was not a circle, right let's do it again, leg, leg, leg half halt, half halt again, that was a half halt, not slow down. That's the girl, lovely girl, good lass. Leg, leg, bollocks change diagonal, stop going faster you ejit, bigger strides not faster ones, steadddyyyyyyy, yes that's it, see you can do it when you put your mind to it, kept it up, keep the trot, no we are not cantering, no not even a bit, it's a leaf, a fucking leaf. It's not going to eat you. Ok it's a squirrel, there are hundreds of fucking squirrels, you see them every day so you are going in that corner, yes you are you bloody animal. Fine tank of if you like you big wuss like but we are doing it again until you do it sensibly. See, see good lass, good lass. Good girl, no this does not mean we are trying to break the speed record steadddyyyyyy good girl, clever pony....I do not shut up. I thought I did it in my head. I don't.

beansonbread · 18/09/2020 19:56

@ExhaustedGrinch

OMG when I saw the title I was going to say the same thing as you OP! Except I do it when I'm pottering about the house or in the bath. I also respond in an American accent for some reason (yes, I answer myself out loud). I told my sister about this recently assuming we all do it (I don't know why I thought that) and she looked at me as if I should be shipped off to Broadmoor! Grin
I often use a scouse accent even though I’m from nowhere near Liverpool! No idea why my brain settled on that accent for some of my imaginary interviews but who am I to question my mad self?
Othering · 18/09/2020 20:03

@StarlightLady

Leave my knickers off in warm weather.
Gear change
PilatesPeach · 18/09/2020 20:10

I talk to my dog then do a silly voice pretending it is him answering me - quite long chats at times - makes me happy anyway

Lalalatte · 18/09/2020 20:14

If I see something vaguely out of the ordinary my imagination takes it to extremes.
Eg yesterday I saw an altercation between my NDNs and somehow from that I imagined the woman going missing and me being interviewed by the police, them asking me what I'd seen.

Often think back years to people that have peed me off, like pp thinking of comebacks or simply telling them straight what I think, many years too late.

TerrifiedandWorried · 18/09/2020 20:18

This thread has made me realise how infrequently I am alone.

Readandwalk · 18/09/2020 20:20

I revise the narrative of real heated discussions I've had. But this time round my language and well supported arguments wipe the floor with my opponent.

I was end with a slow satisfied out breath

daisychain1620 · 18/09/2020 20:26

I listen to 90s dance/rave music alone in my car so loud I can feel the vibrations but turn it down when at a junction or pulling into our street so no one can hear it!

Thighdentitycrisis · 18/09/2020 20:37

I find myself explaining/teaching how to do things I am doing e.g. line a pie dish with pastry/ thread a sewing machine to anyone I think could do with learning that skill

The3rdWatermelon · 18/09/2020 20:47

@Sundaypolodog

I'm imagine my dog is talking to me in a cockney or Birmingham accent - so I'll ask him a question and he'll reply: Oim oilroight mate, or naa oim just avin a snooze
My cat has an extremely exaggerated French accent. All phlegm and rolled Rs. I don’t know why; he came from Huddersfield.
Dillo10 · 18/09/2020 20:52

This is one of my favourite ever threads.

If I'm crying and I'm alone, I put on the saddest song I can find and perform it in the mirror watching myself cry. It's quite cathartic. And I often forget what I was so upset about because I get so into the performance.

GettingWorriedToday · 18/09/2020 21:01

@Bubblebox

I have arguments with people in my head. Just to be clear, I don’t mean tha the people are in my head. I imagine my witty and cutting comebacks to people who have annoyed me in real life and make up arguments with others. Blush
@Bubblebox

I do this all the time! Especially the totally made up arguments. Sometimes I’ll have to remind myself that I’m not really pissed off with someone, it’s just that they were shitty in my totally made up daydream...

BettySundaes · 18/09/2020 21:05

I pretend I am a world famous archaeologist on an important dig and about to make an important discover when I'm clearing out the cat litter tray.

BestOption · 18/09/2020 21:07

I love all of you!

You're making me feel completely sane!

In all fairness, I'll admit to talking to inanimate objects. I always say goodbye & hello to the house I talk to my car Like I say hello, Thank her for a good trip, tell her to keep safe in car parks, goodbye, tell her when I expect to drive again. She doesn't answer, neither does the house.

Probably need to get out more!!

daisychain1620 · 18/09/2020 21:08

@BettySundaes

I pretend I am a world famous archaeologist on an important dig and about to make an important discover when I'm clearing out the cat litter tray.
😂😂😂😂
FrenchFancie · 18/09/2020 21:08

I’m really embarrassed to admit this, but I have an enormously rich and detailed fantasy life - the plot varies depending on what ‘thing’ I’m currently into (so the current one involves time travel and a very handsome single man. My husband and children have somehow disappeared from this world with no ill effects lol!)
What’s mortify is that sometimes I act bits out - and have been caught in the past mis something or other by someone looking in through the Big windows at the front. I’ve been doing it since I was a teenager so I doubt I’ll stop anytime soon....

LindaEllen · 18/09/2020 21:13

@Bubblebox

I have arguments with people in my head. Just to be clear, I don’t mean tha the people are in my head. I imagine my witty and cutting comebacks to people who have annoyed me in real life and make up arguments with others. Blush
I do exactly this! Or think of situations where I could have done things differently.
unmarkedbythat · 18/09/2020 21:20

I tune in to the story I have had running in my head for something like 25 years, in which I am a very different person (talented, mega successful, critically acclaimed as well as popular, beautiful, famously tumultuous relationships with various objects of lust, the usual thing). Every so often I have to update it. When I started imagining it all I needed to make myself 7 years older for it to be possible and now I would like to take those 7 years off again but I can't, so fantasy me is growing old disgracefully.

I'm not sure anyone is quite as weird as me Blush

HotPatootiebootie · 18/09/2020 21:21

I have named my favourite trees that I pass frequently while driving. People in the car thought I was weird to start with but now my sister will pipe up with " oh that's a nice tree, pleasing shape. Looks like a Dorothea." And my kids often not to the trees I've named or give a little wave. We never make leylandiis. NEVER!

My 4 dogs have very clear accents and we all use them when conversing with the animal or else how would they understand? The pug is a Brummy. The chihuahua a scouser. The crested sounds like Johanna lumley and our big rotty sounds like fat Amy from pitch perfect. The cats are all Irish fur some unknown reason. But all animals have accents surely?!

If somebody swears in a child's presence then we all shout " language Timothy!".

Purplecatshopaholic · 18/09/2020 21:23

Talk to my pets. Out loud. All the time. Doesn’t everyone? They are great conversationalists and we never argue. Cut off a wee chunk of cheese for a snack when I walk past the fridge. Rarely wear underwear, but ‘wear in’ various pairs of shoes around the house while pottering.

HotPatootiebootie · 18/09/2020 21:24

I also feel sorry for inanimate objects if they are about to be thrown out or rehomed. My husband waited until I went shopping to run the mattress to the top because even though I had bought a new one , our baby was born on that mattress and he I've it would be a nightmare with me taking through all the things that the mattress had witnessed 😬

sociallydistained · 18/09/2020 21:29

Pretty much have my own podcast...just don't press record