I did something awful.

[Meowscles2020]

I need to tell someone this.
I fell pregnant with my 4th baby and after much shock a sense of excitement came over me. 3 wks after my pregnancy test i started to bleed a little and because of my history i got a scan to check it wasn't ectopic. There was no heartbeat but they thought i might of been been early so they discharged me. I knew it was a miscarriage but due to covid i wasn't allowed a medical management. Ive had two miscarriages before both were lasted a few months and needed tablets. I didn't have the strength to do that this still so i called my local sexual health service and asked for an abortion. I didn't tell them about the scank

You are not awful you are resourceful. The system is awful.

Any person that judges you for having an abortion listed on your medical records should be judged themselves & if you’d like your records amended for your own reasons then you can discuss with you GP at a later date.

I’m so sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry usual options weren't available to you and I'm sorry for your loss. X

What is awful is that this medical care is not available to women. When I had a missed miscarriage in 2008 I was offered either surgical evacuation or medical management, as should be.

You have done NOTHING wrong, much less awful.

I am so sorry.

@Meowscles2020

Sorry Didn't tell them about the scan So i got my tablets and painkillers that way. I know im awful and disgusting but i just couldn't go through a long miscarriage again

What's awful and disgusting about that?

Your pregnancy had ended (which I am very sorry about), you needed medical treatment for dealing with - and yes, I am going to sound cold, but I am being accurate and using the terms that are used when a missed miscarriage is treated surgically - the retained products of conception, you obtained the treatment in the only way that was possible for you at the time.

You did what you had to do. And I'm sorry that you had to do that.

But there is literally nothing awful about what you did. What was awful was that it happened to you in the first place and that you needed to go that route to minimise the physical and emotional toll on you.

You've done nothing bad, wicked or terrible.

You poor thing OP. You haven't done something awful at all. You have managed a shitty hand you were dealt, that's all.

Be kinder to yourself. You do deserve it

I have read some terrible things today about how women and the management of their pregnancies have been dealt with during this pandemic. It's a scandal.

You are not to blame.

Bless you, what an awful situation. Look after yourself x

I don't know much about miscarriages or abortions but if I did I would choose the best option for me because medically my baby wouldn't be a baby. I have a sister too and I understand how it feels when you feel you've killed someone but you knew it was a miscarriage first which is why you made that decision. Sorry for your loss.

I totally understand you are not awful.

I’ve been pregnant 7 times and only have two children. I would have done exactly the same in your position.

Please forgive yourself.

You are absolutely not disgusting. What is disgusting is you were unable to get the medical care you needed.
I am so sorry for your loss.

So sorry to read this. Please try to get some counselling to help you.

You have done nothing wrong, in fact, what you did is actually healthier than having to wait to miscarry.

I would never judge you. It’s your business and nobody else’s.

If you can avoid suffering, why would you do anything other than what you've done. You did the right thing. You don't need to suffer to be morally right. How is that right? To force yourself through something that would have ended anyway. Would you treat an animal that way? No? Suffering longer doesn't make you have the moral high ground. I'm sure you are feeling very low and hormonal - but in time I hope you can see you were actually very wise and put an end to the suffering early. You should pat yourself on the back. Mother nature had already decided. You gave her a helping hand. Some things are not meant to be. I am very sorry for your loss.

I had a very protracted missed miscarriage which was made even more protracted by refusal of the Dr to book me in for surgery due to odd measurements. A nurse in the EPU did at one point suggest going to a clinic but because there wasn't a heartbeat (and for size there should have been), she reasoned the clinic couldn't do anything.

I was desperate and thought about pursuing this anyway by trying to fudge the dates or something but I didn't and ended up with a haemorrhage and sepsis.

Why didn't they offer to rescan you to see if more could be seen a week later? That's rubbish.

Sorry you had to do that OP, it's shocking they couldn't offer medical management

I think you did what you needed to do in the most efficient and least stressful way you could. I am only sorry that this option wasn't offered to you by the medical team and that you have had to deal with quite unnecessary feelings of guilt. Take care of yourself, I am sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry you have had to go through all of this you did what you needed to do in awful circumstances. Your baby wasn't just tissue and you need to remember that.