I did something awful.

[Meowscles2020]

I need to tell someone this.
I fell pregnant with my 4th baby and after much shock a sense of excitement came over me. 3 wks after my pregnancy test i started to bleed a little and because of my history i got a scan to check it wasn't ectopic. There was no heartbeat but they thought i might of been been early so they discharged me. I knew it was a miscarriage but due to covid i wasn't allowed a medical management. Ive had two miscarriages before both were lasted a few months and needed tablets. I didn't have the strength to do that this still so i called my local sexual health service and asked for an abortion. I didn't tell them about the scank

You haven't done anything wrong, you need to allow yourself to accept that.

I have a somewhat similar medical situation and I have a small keepsake that enable me to let me feel MY emotions, not the ones that others might expect of me (if they knew).

I am so sorry OP when I saw my notes my miscarriages were listed as spontaneous abortions and that upset me take good care of yourself 💐

You did nothing wrong. It's fucking shocking how women's health is being treated now. I'd use abortion services because hopefully then you can also more readily access contraception, which seems to be a real problem for women now.

@Meowscles2020
As others have said, you have done absolutely nothing 'wrong' at all.
It is a traumatic thing you have been through.
You did what was best in a bad situation. Your baby had no heartbeat..He or she was not ''Tissue''

Sorry that you had to go through this.

You are not awful at all. Have a hug. ()

What you did was not awful. What is sad and upsetting is that you had to go down this route to access the help you needed. I can understand that you don't like to see those words on your medical records because they don't reflect your position. No one is judging you. Please don't judge yourself.

Not awful at all. You did something you were absolutely legally entitled to do for very sound (if sad) reasons. Sending all best wishes .

Be kind to yourself OP.

You did nothing wrong, I'm so sorry. Records don't change the truth, and the truth is you should have had the care you needed.

I understand how you could feel about how it looks on your record, but I think you were wise to get the care you needed. Truly.

Poor you. I'm shocked this wasn't available to you. I feel women are always expected to take the most painful route when it comes to anything like this, regardless of the impact on their mental health. Please don't feel awful and sorry for your loss.

You aren't awful, you shouldn't have had to do that, you deserved appropriate medical care.

Sending you loads of love ❤️❤️❤️

Oh you poor thing, you know your body and if you have been through a miscarriage before then you did the right thing for you.
It might say abortion on your medical records but you know the truth and don’t need to justify yourself to anyone.
Look after yourself x

You have done nothing wrong. You just took the sensible route to get the care you needed. I am so sorry you are suffering and without care.

If the medical record is causing some of the distress then write to your GP and ask them to amend the record. They will be able to put a record in of the circumstances and tie the different bits of medical intervention together to reflect what happened.

The only awful thing is that you had to tell a lie to get appropriate medical treatment.

The system failed you.

So sorry

I also don't think you did anything awful - you just had to manage a miscarriage yourself rather than receiving the medical help you should have had. I don't see what you did as having an abortion at all.

Be kinder to yourself. You had to do what you had to do

You poor love. You haven't done anything awful at all. You managed your miscarriage is all.

I too have had long miscarriages - with one I bled for almost 3 months - I’d have done exactly the same in your situation. You too were in pain, and you needed it. As previous posters have said, miscarriages are referred to as ‘spontaneous abortion’. I was asked by a nurse what I wanted done with the ‘products of conception’. In truth, despite what it says in your notes, there really is no difference. In fact I’m pretty sure both treatments involve the same drug. You had a miscarriage, which was medically
managed. You should be proud of yourself for getting access to the treatment you deserved and for getting through it.

Just trying to work out what happened OP. So you had a small bleed at around 7-8 weeks got a scan to check if it was ectopic. It wasn’t and they said couldn’t see a heartbeat but thought you might be early enough on to not see this and so discharged you. Your 12 week scan would be a month from this?

You felt it was a miscarriage and called Sexual health clinic for termination of pregnancy, not mentioning your attendance at EPU etc.

You say you were refused medical management due to Covid 19. Was this by EPU? Or had EPU not yet ascertained whether it was a miscarriage? I’ve had similar in past and been told to come back for another scan in week or so time or had bloods taken to make sure HCG levels were decreasing. They really should have done that - presumably they knew how worried you were? It sounds like you were pretty desperate to take that course of action. It’s bound to be upsetting thinking about it all. I hope you find some peace.

Another one adding to the chorus of "you're NOT awful".
You're medically managing your miscarriage - you're not aborting a viable pregnancy, you know that.
It's still upsetting, because it's a loss, you're hormonal and you're sad that you've MC'd again - but you are doing the right thing in taking the management into your own hands to expedite the process, rather than having it be drawn out over weeks.

Please accept that you're doing the right thing for you and the rest of your family.

You didn't do anything wrong. You took the steps you needed as the health care you should have received let you down.
I wish I had done what you did and gone down the abortion option. Instead I am being let down left right and centre and have been for several months. I would not recommend it to anyone.
Look after yourself

I don’t think you’re awful either! I think you did what you needed to do and that was the right think fit your mental health. Good job.