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Original poster

I did something awful.

93 replies

Meowscles2020 · 17/09/2020 13:55

I need to tell someone this.
I fell pregnant with my 4th baby and after much shock a sense of excitement came over me. 3 wks after my pregnancy test i started to bleed a little and because of my history i got a scan to check it wasn't ectopic. There was no heartbeat but they thought i might of been been early so they discharged me. I knew it was a miscarriage but due to covid i wasn't allowed a medical management. Ive had two miscarriages before both were lasted a few months and needed tablets. I didn't have the strength to do that this still so i called my local sexual health service and asked for an abortion. I didn't tell them about the scank

OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 17/09/2020 15:57

*thing for

Delphinium20 · 17/09/2020 15:59

I keep thinking about you and am sending you love. Thanks

CleverCatty · 17/09/2020 16:02

I can see why you'd need to tell people this but no way are you an awful person or should feel guilty about this.

My best friend a good few years ago had a chemical abortion - by taking tablets to bring it on and felt really guilty - she had 2 young DC and was in the process of ending her relationship with her DF at the time, she just couldn't deal with another baby.

I had had an abortion and miscarriage a few years before and she sort of made me feel guilty about the abortion but not directly - just it was something she'd never have done.

I think it's harder now what with not much access to healthcare services due to Covid 19 so really don't feel guilty and here's a hand hold from me. (unMums-Netty of course).

Original poster
Meowscles2020 · 17/09/2020 16:17

I went to my local epc when i should have been 8ish weeks but only a small sac was seen . I wasn't offered a follow up scan due to covid. I carried on bleeding very small amounts so i knew 100% that it was a miscarriage. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 17/09/2020 16:22

What I dont get is why the abortion clinics can offer women these pills but EPUs can't.

Venicelover · 17/09/2020 16:34

That was a very hard place to find yourself in OP. You used the service which was available to you during a Pandemic situation. You did the right thing for you. You have other children to consider and your own mental health.

Forgive yourself, if it will make you feel better when this is over you could perhaps visit your doctor and explain the situation and ask for your records to be amended or an explanatory note to be added.

Sorry for your loss.

littlemsattitude · 17/09/2020 16:36

I must be missing something, how did you know it was a miscarriage when they said it was too early to see a heartbeat?

Ravenesque · 17/09/2020 16:41

You poor lamb, you did nothing awful at all and in your position I might well have done exactly the same myself. Please don't beat yourself up and please, please, please be kind to yourself, you've been through something awful and none of it is your fault.

Couchbettato · 17/09/2020 16:47

I think you've been completely resourceful and you've limited your suffering. None of what you have done is awful.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but if I had to make that choice I wouldn't do anything different.

Gilead · 17/09/2020 16:50

You poor thing. You haven’t done anything awful, you did what you needed to do for you and your family. 💐

Shopkinsdoll · 17/09/2020 16:55

This isn’t awful. I had a miscarriage 11 years ago and I was offered the d and c or it to come naturally, I asked for natural. God did I regret it. I was on my own, my partner working away and woke up with severe pain a week later. I had to call an ambulance. The feteus got stuck and the doctor had to remove it. Was awful.

Devlesko · 17/09/2020 16:56

Oh my love. Nobody knows except for you, but anyone who judged would need their head examined.
You know your baby wasn't an abortion or tissue.
He/she was real and I'm so so sorry for your loss. Thanks

CleverCatty · 17/09/2020 16:57

Apologies - hadn't quite read through your posts - regardless I still think you did the right thing re not wanting to go through a long miscarriage and I'm sorry that on your notes it comes up as an abortion.

I think as someone else said the system failed you, and as you subsequently said you knew it was a miscarriage so I really wouldn't torture yourself over this. Take the time (is it 3 weeks now?) to get over the miscarriage. Is there anyone you can speak to if you feel like it, in real life?

CleverCatty · 17/09/2020 17:00

@Shopkinsdoll

This isn’t awful. I had a miscarriage 11 years ago and I was offered the d and c or it to come naturally, I asked for natural. God did I regret it. I was on my own, my partner working away and woke up with severe pain a week later. I had to call an ambulance. The feteus got stuck and the doctor had to remove it. Was awful.
Shopkinsdoll Sorry that happened to you, I had a similar experience when I had a miscarriage when I was 21, my partner was in the forces but was on tour. I had almost exactly the same experience as you and I so wished I'd had the d and c instead. I don't think I realised how far along I was etc and as I didn't know much about miscarriages I just thought it would be a very painful and heavy period. Sad
lowlandLucky · 17/09/2020 17:01

Oh honey, you done the best thing for you and your children, your baby had died and instead of waiting for nature to take its course you asked for help. Where is the wrong in that ? Please be kind to yourself. Light a candle for your baby tonight and send them off with a blown kiss. I ( and i am sure many others) will light one tonight for your baby. Flowers

Totickleamockingbird · 17/09/2020 17:06

Seriously OP. Be kind to yourself. You know what it was and even if it was an abortion, your body and your choice. Mental and physical health of a mother always takes priority. Cake Flowers

Littlepond · 17/09/2020 17:08

I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

pluiedeprintemps · 17/09/2020 17:10
Flowers Be kind to yourself.
SurreyHillsGirl · 17/09/2020 17:11

You did nothing wrong Flowers

PompomDahlia · 17/09/2020 17:15

Be kind to yourself - you had an awful situation. Do think about talking to someone about it if you need to, a counsellor could be helpful with such an upsetting thing to deal with.

DelphiniumBlue · 17/09/2020 17:17

You didn't do something awful, you made sure that you got the treatment you needed. It was very brave of you to do what was right for you and your family.

Happynow001 · 17/09/2020 17:22

What a tough decision you had to make, OP. please try and make peace with it - you did what you needed to do.

I'm sorry for you and anyone else who's going through this. 🌹

DidoAtTheLido · 17/09/2020 17:28

Oh love, please don’t blame yourself for any of this.
It’s too cruel that COVID robbed you of miscarriage management.
So sorry you lost your baby, but I am glad you looked after yourself and didn’t put yourself through a long drawn out loss.

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/09/2020 17:30

In my work I’ve seen medical records at drs surgeries & lots of women have had terminations & live births.

It’s just that no one talks about because it’s such an emotive subject but you’re not alone.

tsmainsqueeze · 17/09/2020 17:41

I am so sorry for you, you have done nothing wrong .
I too had a drawn out miscarriage and it was awful ,mine was my own choice , had i have known what was entailed i would have made a different choice .
You should never have been put in such a horrible position in the first place.
Look after yourself and i hope you find peace .It does'nt matter at all what anybody thinks .