Should I have my tubes tied?

[AYoungSillyWomen]

Hello everyone, this is my first ever mumsnet post

So I decided to never have children when I was 18 and now I'm 21 (and a half). I made a YouTube video about it and am so sure of my decision to potentially get tubal ligation surgery done. I'm also Tokophobic, so if I do change my mind one day, I'll either adopt or foster. My mum is very supportive of me. I'm waiting till marriage to lose my virginity but I want every chance of pregnancy to be erased. After studying contraception, I admit I don't fully trust any of it. Also, I've never been r@ped or abused in any way but that could change at any time. Just encase it happens, I want to be sterilized as a precaution. (The last thing I want is to be carrying a r@pe conceived child.)

So is tying my tubes necessary?

I think you are rushing into something unnecessarily and that you will have a hard time trying to find a doctor, who will do such a procedure on someone so young, with no medical need.

no don't do it unless you research tubal ligation syndrome and if your okay to live with those symptoms then go for it

If the worst happened, you could have a termination.

I think your only way at your age, particularly as you are a virgin, to get sterilisation would be via private medicine. The NHS wouldn't be able or willing to perform it in your circumstances.

That's exactly what my mum said but keeps me fixated on this topic is that I can't help but sense some sexism from these doctors as I've read it's easier for men around my age to get vasectomies.

Female sterilisation is fairly unreliable particularly that young and has risks such as ectopic pregnancy, which vasectomies don't. It is major surgery, unlike vasectomies. Those are biological realities, not sexism.
You'd be better off getting a coil and using condoms on top. Also, as you are planning on being a virgin at marriage, then since I assume you're only going to marry someone with the same views on biological children, he can get a vasectomy when you get engaged. In the meantime, get some counselling for the phobia.

I think the mirena IUD is more effective than ligation. Lasts 5 years.

Suggest looking into that. No personal experience of this but I have heard that it can be difficult to persuade drs to tie tubes on young women. The mirena device should be easier to obtain.

Nobody is going to give a 21 year old man a vasectomy either.

You sound very immature to me, or maybe just very young (I made a you tube video, 21 and a half, grown women really don't talk like that) - and I don't mean that in a bad way. I think you just have to accept that this is something way off in the future for you and in the meantime double down on contraception. If you go on the pill or get the implant and use condoms when you do become sexually active you are very unlikely to get pregnant. And as others have said, even in the unlikely case of rape or an accident, you would find out immediately when you were 4 or 5 weeks pregnant when the termination pill would be a relatively simple option for you (much more so than a tubal ligation operation), not to mention the morning after pill right away (as rape victims are routinely offerred)

can you get a Mirena IUD if you are not sexually active/never had a pregnancy? I seem to remember some exceptions ...

Looks like that is out of date and you can - surely a Mirena IUD and condoms every time is the answer for you.

Making a u tube video about it doesn't mean you are mature enough to make the decision at age 21. Most people your age would say at that age they wouldn't want kids

No NHS trust will give you a tubal ligation - you MAY be able to go private but doubt they'll also agree on ethical grounds. Men don't get given vasectomies either on the NHS at age 21 so there is no sexism there

If you're still adding 'and a half) to your age I'd probably wait a while. It's not easy to get sterilised so young for either sex. You would have to pay.

Ps- Mirena is a brandname, IUS is the name of the device - different to an IUD. Pls talk to your doctor about it and research the risks.

As pp have said, you will still need condoms for sexual health - as you would even with ligation unless you only have one partner that you trust.

I actually doubt you’ll find a consultant that would do it for you when you’re so young and are still able to have children. I used to work in theatres and they would usually only do it for older women who had children. Also it’s worth noting that this is classed as major surgery! Some/most women have it done in conjunction with other gynae surgery.

There are a variety of options available and I would honestly wait until you’re sexually active to make this decision.

I think PP are being unfair here assuming the OP will change her mind. Personally I cannot understand what your feeling as I have always wanted to be a mother, but I do have a close friend who has always said she never wants children (in fact 2 friends). They have said this from a young age and are now 35 and 40 years old. Still no urge to have children, still don't have children and are in long term relationships.

I do however think surgery is extreme when there are so many options available and you are not sexually active. Maybe worth speaking to sexual health clinic to find a suitable alternative.

I think you have a lot of growing up to do before you make such a huge decision.

I would say go for it if you are sure its what you want, but I doubt the NHS will do it for you. I'm 25 and i have four children, and they wont even consider doing mine as I'm too young. I can only Imagine what they will tell a childless woman of age 21.

My 30 year old friend was refused one and she had 4 kids.
I wasn't particularly maternal. At 21, I didn't think I'd ever want kids. By 26, I was TTC.

If you're waiting until marriage to have sex then why not wait until then? It's a very drastic thing to do to your body. Many women don't have children and they don't do this to their body.

I don't think you can rock up to the NHS and have one these days. You will have to go private.

I've been refused a sterilisation for medical (and mental health) reasons and I'm 35, with two kids. I don't think there is any way you will get the op on the NHS based on your situation.

And I very much doubt a 21 year old man with no children would be given a vasectomy either

Thank you everyone for your answers. I honestly didn't think seeing all these solutions, opinions and even critiques from older wiser women would calm me down. Truth is, I'm a relatively paranoid person who can be rather pessimistic. I walk around with my shoulders raised on high alert constantly expecting something bad to happen and honestly, I feel that only extreme measures will keep me safe. Since sterilization truly seems to be unnecessarily drastic, I'll have a long think about not getting it done and instead do further research into contraception. Again, thank you everyone

I had to push quite hard for tubal ligation and I was 33 with two children.

To be honest I regret it a bit as I have had dreadful periods ever since and only a 20 day cycle. Of course, that could have happened from having the second child as I had the ligation during my C section. But I suspect the ligation had something to do with it.

I don't think you will change your mind and I think you should be able to get the procedure. However, you won't get it on the NHS as pp have made clear.

There are a number of LARC options you could look into. No contraception is 100% but neither is sterilisation!