Black mums matter topic

[PatricksRum]

For anyone who wants to contour the discussion.

I was about to come on and draw a similarly with the adoption board for anyone still not understanding but Jellycats beat me to it. For many topics, it really isn't about canvasing the most opinions, it's about the quality of the insight provided by the poster who is responding.

Having more specific areas also makes it more likely that you will build up a core group of posters with at least one shared life experience which can be very comforting and beneficial.

And it isn't bloody segregation either! It won't be the only area black people will be allowed to post too. As demonstrated by Jellycats, who I'm my view is the adoption board guru, (yes I have an wisdom crush going on) also managing to post on other boards. It really isn't that hard to get your head around.

@Phoenix21 thank you! It does help a lot.

@Jellycatspyjamas I do see your point. I dont need to know any of these things it doesnt affect my life at all but I was curious enough to ask not just enough to google (about hair I mean)

I probably wont ask the hair question to a white question because this comes from a personal preference to ask it if you understand what I mean. A year before I met a black woman with stunning curly hair and I have only seen it being maintained like that in afro hair(ok to call that?) I was staring at her but dont want to be weird or pervert about it. Shes my friend now and I still never asked her lol. Its just something I admired.

As demonstrated by Jellycats, who I'm my view is the adoption board guru, (yes I have an wisdom crush going on)

Why thank you 😊

@Phoenix21 exactly!!

I was curious enough to ask not just enough to google (about hair I mean)

That then leaves black people in the position of having to educate you, when that isn’t their responsibility. Would you ask a White person with beautiful hair how they maintain it? Or would you just admire their beautiful hair?

I'm glad if you get the board you want op.

I don't feel excluded by a board that isn't for me.

@Jellycatspyjamas No I dont think its black peoples responsibility to educate me just like its not my responsibility to educate others about what I am. I just post a question if I dont see an answer I move on

And for the record, I havent asked anyone whatever race about their hair. See again its a question I wouldnt ask or worried to ask but would like to ask but I dont want to offend anyone!

This is going out of context and not my intention to make it this intense! Its just harmless (or so I think)

You see, I just don't get it. I don't get why people would pile on, insult you, tear you to pieces for wanting a board / space that's dedicated to black Mumsnetters. Why would anyone take umbrage at that?

Being white doesn't mean you're automatically privileged, it just means your skin colour isn't one of your fights = privileged

This is one of the best things I've ever read and, if you don't mind, may I use it when idiots start bapping on about 'All Lives Matter' bollocks?

I'm glad MNHQ has listened.

If there's one thing I've learnt from the BLM movement, it's that it's time for white people (myself included) to sit down and shut up and listen to what black people have to say. It's not up to white people to dictate what black people want or need. That's just an extension of white supremacy. If OP and fellow black mumsnetters want a safe, dedicated space, then they should have exactly that. Congrats OP!

@Jellycatspyjamas I'm not saying it's right but as someone with 3A/B hair, yes I've been asked hundreds of times if people can touch it, what I use on it etc etc
Sometimes I don't mind, but my routine is complicated and is products people haven't usually heard of and I think people just want a quick fix like "I just slap some frizz ease on it" rather than my £££ hair routine
I'm white (my hair comes from a black ancestor a few generations back). Nobody asks my uncle who has 3C/4A hair what he does to his!

If there's one thing I've learnt from the BLM movement, it's that it's time for white people (myself included) to sit down and shut up and listen to what black people have to say. It's not up to white people to dictate what black people want or need. That's just an extension of white supremacy. If OP and fellow black mumsnetters want a safe, dedicated space, then they should have exactly that. Congrats OP!

👏👏👏👏👏

Great idea in general.

I do take the point that there is a threat of virtual segregation in terms of an area for one ethnicity.

I think in some sense discussing parenting in a single space allows others to learn of others life experiences.

This may be a bit utopian but by seeing the challenges presented to others we can modify our individual behaviour in response.

I think it's good and bad. Good that if you feel you want to discuss specific issues you don't feel others would know about or be interested in, great, it's annoying when people comment on stuff they know nothing about when others do.

Bad as pp said, some stuff it's good to have open chat about.

I guess how it goes is another matter entirely based on how much chat traffic you get.

Im white. Im also pleased you got your board.

Personally, i'll defo have a look at the topics on there out of curiosity. Maybe it'll help me be more aware of white privaledge. The only thing that made me nervous was a comment right at the start of the other thread that said something like 'if a white person asks a question then they should be banned'. That comment alone made me feel like I could never ask anything. Then again, the board isnt set up to be a q+a for white people, so maybe thats a good thing.

Our wish has been granted so to speak

This is a big achievement- well done. You changed a multi million pound forum

@PatricksRum

The only thing that made me nervous was a comment right at the start of the other thread that said something like 'if a white person asks a question then they should be banned'.

Yes well there's always going to be shit-stirrers and goaders, just as there are in other topics.

Perhaps another reason why MNHQ should look into banning or severely limiting name changing.

@worraliberty totally agree with you there

@WorraLiberty

The only thing that made me nervous was a comment right at the start of the other thread that said something like 'if a white person asks a question then they should be banned'.

Yes well there's always going to be shit-stirrers and goaders, just as there are in other topics.

Perhaps another reason why MNHQ should look into banning or severely limiting name changing.

Oh please don't get rid of name changing! I do it to stop building up too much history that can then be identifying. Changing stops me feeling inhibited

I think MN need to deal with the bad behaviour, not change the excellent anonymity standards on the board.

Oh please don't get rid of name changing! I do it to stop building up too much history that can then be identifying. Changing stops me feeling inhibited

Sorry I should have been clearer.

I meant in the new topic, as per my suggestion on the other thread.

Sneaky little goaders who stay just on the right side of the talk guidelines are much easier to spot, if they don't get to name change as often.

Also I think all the name changing can give a false impression about opinions on certain issues.

For example if you keep reading 'XYZ' as an opinion often enough, if you can be forgiven for thinking lots of people feel that way.

In reality it might just be say 10 people who have each name changed 3 times and stated that opinion.

So you come away thinking 30 people think that, whereas in reality it's only 10.

Hope that makes sense.

I agree within a single thread yes, as in skewing a poll almost.

I shall calm down

Fair play, PatricksRum, excellent idea with its need proved very clearly in this and your other threads.

Pleased to hear MN have listened, OP. We asked for a chat topic on SN a few years ago, because sometimes we just wanted to chat somewhere safe from the disablism or the fact that some posters seemed to insist we were there to educate them about SN all the time. I can see so many parallels.

Well done.

Glad you got your board @PatricksRum and I hope it is called Black Mums matter which I will unfairly take some credit for haha. It's a bit ridiculous that we had to have all these discussions about it.

@PatricksRum

Bloody well done . You are ace.