Black mums matter topic

[PatricksRum]

For anyone who wants to contour the discussion.

Secretly, i am scared to ask a black person a lot of questions,

You know - these words are going to bother me all day ...

I've had to delete my first half dozen possible responses. But I cannot imagine a single thing in my blameless life that warrants "a lot of questions" from a complete stranger.

@PersephonePromotesEquanimity Apologies, when I meant questions its just generally "how do you maintain your hair? Does it get knotted easily?" Etc things like that.

I wont of course go ask a complete stranger to their faces(they'll think im mad 😂) but yes here it feels I can.

And why not? The last thing I wana do is offend anyone based on what they are. So its great to clarify. I will tell you an example. When I first arrived in UK i saw this article on H&M facing backlash over a child model wearing a monkey print t shirt and I couldn't understand why.. The child being black, its seen offensive. See? I didn't know this.

@PatricksRum it doesnt bother me because most of them are unintentional and i'd say "assumed" about me. I see them as stupid and shrug.

I know what you mean, this guy from work came to my desk and say "i think you need to see this film i think you'll like it"
Me"what? Why would i like it?"
Him: " i think you will" the said film is about a guy whos "assumed" to be from my background snd therefore i'll like it? and apparently i'll like it as he doesnt know what I like and assumed I will.

Again about H&M thing I have very limited knowledge so not entirely clear on that.

Sorry if anything I said seem out of place

Apologies, when I meant questions its just generally "how do you maintain your hair? Does it get knotted easily?" Etc things like that.

So, as a white woman with very curly hair I can count on no fingers the number of times someone has asked me how I maintain my hair. And if they did I’d likely tell them to piss off. But no ones going to ask me how I care for my hair because I’m white and my hair is considered my business.

If you have a genuine desire to know how to care for Afro/coily/curly hair there are loads of resources on line to help with that.

@PatricksRum
When I say i am scared to ask a question my assumption wasnt "black people are aggressive thugs" thinking. Although it could seem like that(I see your point)

I was just scared of being branded a racist

@Jellycatspyjamas thank you, point taken

The thing is, white is default. The only way to change that is if we are given equal opportunities, this being one of them.

How is segregation going to give you equality? Separate does not mean equality. If you want issues that matter to you to reach the widest audiences you don't put them in the places that they will only be seen by a small amount of people, you put them where the majority of people will see.

@EchoCardioGran What does ODFOD mean?

Congratulations @PatricksRum for making the new board happen

Especially in the face of such whining, you've been so focused. Been a real eye-opener for me (mainly lurk in Bootcamp), just how difficult conversations about race are for some posters.

@loutypips Totally agree.

Nice one. I am properly chuffed for you Patricksrum

[quote EmbarrassedUser]@EchoCardioGran What does ODFOD mean?[/quote]
I'm not here to educate you.
Google is your friend.

I was just scared of being branded a racist

For me, I tend to think

• why do I need to know
• is there another way to find out eg do I really just need to educate myself about race and racism
• would I ask a white person the same question (eg how do you care for your hair -v- do you have a good recipe for X)
• is it likely a black person may have a different perspective based on their lived experience (eg is proposed school dress code discriminatory, have I missed anything)

I’m not saying I always get it right, but there are questions and there are questions

@loutypips

The thing is, white is default. The only way to change that is if we are given equal opportunities, this being one of them.

How is segregation going to give you equality? Separate does not mean equality. If you want issues that matter to you to reach the widest audiences you don't put them in the places that they will only be seen by a small amount of people, you put them where the majority of people will see.

It's not segregation. It's a dedicated part of the site for mumsnetters who happen to be black. They will also be on the other parts of the site too as usual. Like Dads here, they might come for the parenting information but like to talk to other Dads too on Dadsnet about being a Dad.

Because, you know, it's good to talk to someone with similar experiences as yourself at times.

@pumkinistired

Again about H&M thing I have very limited knowledge so not entirely clear on that.

Sorry if anything I said seem out of place

Black people have been called monkeys for years. Go back to the jungle, they swing from trees, monkey noises at football (actually I had a group of people making monkey noises at us on holiday). At some point (during slavery and a bit beyond) we were described as being closer to apes than human.

It’s an aged but was a very common abuse.

So H&M having a black child in a monkey too was insensitive and showed they probably have a lack of diversity in whichever board made those decisions.

Does that help?

@PatricksRum

Well done! I’m so impressed with your guts in the face of all the whataboutery.

I hope that the new shiny section will not be derailed by continuously having to justify its existence, so perhaps MNHQ might set up a thread for any such questions to be directed. Then the main board can be dedicated to its main purpose.

Can’t wait to visit

If you want issues that matter to you to reach the widest audiences you don't put them in the places that they will only be seen by a small amount of people, you put them where the majority of people will see.

Where your views will also be drowned out by the majority. Where your view will be constantly challenged, misrepresented and disregarded.

It’s a different thing but there’s an board for parents who have adopted. In my experience every single thread on the main boards that features adoption turns into an utter shit show because people have misplaced beliefs about adoption - for the most part they may be well meaning but have no clue so advice is as best useless and at worst downright damaging.

In the adoption boards we have a wealth of knowledge and experience, people who fully get the issues at hand. There may still be a range of views and opinions but they all know the playing field.

I think a section for black posters is invaluable and am really glad to see it happen.

@PatricksRum
I need to rush off so I’m going to thank you properly for the campaign later.

For now, I just wanted to say that you ROCK!!! ✊🏽

@babycornplease

I am glad that mn has found you a space, but really, truly, I am a single parent, struggling tonight, and through life in general. I don't understand why the colour of my skin is important on a forum where I might wish to vent/speak or get advice from like minded women (or men!). Life is as good or as shit to any of us. It doesn't pick which skin colour to be an arsehole to.

@babycornplease im sorry you are struggling. I’m not chucking you into a corner, but are you aware that There is a single (or lone?) parents topic?

If you haven’t already, it might be worth posting there to get help or sympathy with your struggles as most posters there will:

• have experience
• understand/empathise
• you probably won’t have to explain in depth

-have living examples/coping strategies -not have to explain yourself

• less likely to be asked stupid questions/comments like it understand, my husband works away so I’m like a single parent too’
• unlikely to derail with other nuggets of information/questions

See what I did there?

@Phoenix21 👏👏👏👏👏👏

I really must go but just to add I’m not a single parent, some of my friends are.

I sometimes read/search the single parents thread so I can understand their life and be more supportive and avoid patronising or anything.

It’s been very useful actually, one of the reasons why I accompanied a mate recently to their kids first day at school.

@JamieLeeCurtains

Being white doesn't mean you're automatically privileged, it just means your skin colour isn't one of your fights = privileged

One of the best explanations. Ever.

this

@loutypips

The thing is, white is default. The only way to change that is if we are given equal opportunities, this being one of them.

How is segregation going to give you equality? Separate does not mean equality. If you want issues that matter to you to reach the widest audiences you don't put them in the places that they will only be seen by a small amount of people, you put them where the majority of people will see.

If white people are interested in learning about the issues that affect black people, they'll only have to click a button to take them to the new black topic and read up on it.

If they can't be arsed to do that, they can't be that bothered can they?