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Asking for a handhold - DH in ICU

988 replies

peachgreen · 04/09/2020 10:56

DH was taken into hospital last night with breathing difficulties. It was pretty minor, the paramedics weren't even going to take him in but we insisted. He's now in an induced coma on a ventilator. He's had 2 negative Covid tests so they don't think it's that but they don't know what it is.

I'm falling apart. He's my whole life. We have a 2 year old who is a complete Daddy's girl. I need him so much. I can't even be with him now because of COVID.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 05/09/2020 04:54

Oh God @akerman I hope so. I would do abolsuteky anything to have him next to me right now, put up with anything. I can't stand this.

OP posts:
toiletpaper · 05/09/2020 05:07

Hi OP, I'm an intensive care nurse. Heart failure patients can live for many years as pp's have said. Do you know what caused this? I'm assuming it's acute HF if it came on out of nowhere. Hopefully once the fluid is off his lungs with the use of diuretics he will start to improve even more and hopefully get him off the vent. Thinking of poor you and DH.

frumpety · 05/09/2020 06:06

Hope your DH continues to improve today, he will be getting the very best one to one care from a team of very experienced and dedicated staff.
Things always feel a bit hopeless at night, when you are sitting with only your own thougts for company. Have the staff said when you should ring to ask about your DH and when you can go in to visit again ? I am not sure about the routine in ICU , perhaps @toiletpaper could suggest a good time to ring ?

toiletpaper · 05/09/2020 06:37

@frumpety

Hope your DH continues to improve today, he will be getting the very best one to one care from a team of very experienced and dedicated staff. Things always feel a bit hopeless at night, when you are sitting with only your own thougts for company. Have the staff said when you should ring to ask about your DH and when you can go in to visit again ? I am not sure about the routine in ICU , perhaps *@toiletpaper* could suggest a good time to ring ?
You can ring anytime but we recommend phoning around 10:30/11pm onwards as then the consultant has done their round and any plans for the day are made and generally all patients morning washes are done
toiletpaper · 05/09/2020 06:38

11am sorry not pm Confused

peachgreen · 05/09/2020 06:51

@toiletpaper they don't know yet whether the fluid on his lungs caused the heart failure or vice versa. He has had issues with reflux impacting his lungs for years so it could be that. That's what we thought this is. I just feel like the outlook is so bleak for patients with this kind of heart failure, that need this much support.

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 05/09/2020 07:18

It’s so hard when you cannot go and see them and ask questions. My husband was in 2 different hospitals for 15 days, but luckily I did get to talk to him. What I did, was tell myself that heart conditions are very common and he was in the best place with specialist consultants that know absolutely everything and he was getting the best of care. I could hardly eat all the time he was away, but I made sure I ate little and often and my sons made me go for a walk each day, which helped with the stress.

peachgreen · 05/09/2020 07:33

He woke up a bit overnight, opened his eyes and nodded a few times at the nurses. Just praying he's awake when I go in to see him so he knows I'm there. I don't know if that's a really positive sign or doesn't really mean much medically but it has helped. I just want him awake, we can face the rest together.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 05/09/2020 07:39

Hope he is awake this morning.
Did you get some sleep?

CormoranStrike · 05/09/2020 07:41

Thinking of you OP and hoping for the very best.

My husband has heart failure and while he has never ended up on a ventilator his heart function has at times been astonishingly low.

However, with medication etc he is now stable and has had his condition controlled for over a decade.

Hope you find the same path.

Oriflamme · 05/09/2020 07:45

I’m rooting for you, @peachgreen . I too have a soulmate DH and sometimes try to imagine the future without him - it's unbearable. I’m praying so hard that your lovely, kind, funny DH pulls through for you and for your DD. You write about him so lovingly despite the awful circs. Love and handholds to you x

dododotheconga · 05/09/2020 07:46

Thinking of you today op

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 05/09/2020 08:02

Also thinking of you op Thanks

diggadoo · 05/09/2020 08:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 05/09/2020 08:14

they have put him on a ventilator to help him breath,
best of luck op,
he will fight

Mooey89 · 05/09/2020 08:26

I’m so sorry OP. I’m thinking of you and your family. ICU doctors and nurses are amazing and he’s absolutely in the right place.

peachgreen · 05/09/2020 08:32

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has posted on this thread. I can't tell you what a support it has been. It gives me something to read over in the night when I'm panicking. If any of you pray I would really appreciate your prayers for his healing and comfort, and for strength for me.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 05/09/2020 08:34

Have read your updates.

Firstly, heart rate dropping is a good thing. They will be giving beta blockers to facilitate this as well as taking off fluid. Depending on how much fluid there is he may be on a filter machine as well as medication. If it helps any, I was overloaded by several litres at my worst and they were taking off 1.5L a day, and I wasn’t unconscious at that point. And my worst heart rate was 220 BPM but I had to be defibrillated at that point. He is nowhere near that.

Secondly, you haven’t heard from them overnight. This is good news. Because while he may not be any better at this point, he’s not worse either so he’s still hanging in there.

By all means give the ward a ring now to see how his night was, but agree with PP, it’s best to ring after about 10:30 after the ward rounds.

Visiting is obviously a bit more difficult because of COVID, so the same protocols won’t apply at this point. When I was in ICU my mum used to ring the ward at around 7, and was allowed up pretty much any time, but she used to come up at around 11/11:30 to allow for the ward rounds to happen (they generally throw people out then anyway for the privacy of other patients being discussed.

Fingers crossed that they start to see improvements and can take him off the ventilator soon. He may still be on oxygen at that point, but it’s always a step in the right direction.

And agreed with other posters, there are lots of interventions they can consider if he is at the more serious end of the scale, but the consultants will discuss these with you and if necessary will refer him to a more dedicated cardiology service.

I have a mitraclip which is a partial valve replacement, but the construction of my heart is such that I am not eligible for any other interventions such as ventricular assist devices etc, so my next port of call will be the transplant list. however as I said upthread, I am currently living more or less a normal life, I don’t notice my ICD is there except if it paces, which it does, very occasionally, but that’s why it’s there, and it just feels a bit like a skipped heartbeat when it does. And other than that I have been running around, doing my 10000 steps a day by wandering around the house while shielding, cutting the grass, doing the garden, everything I did before I got really sick, and I only really ever have to think about the future prospects when I go for my appointments at the transplant centre.

But it’s a long way to there, and there are a huge amount of interventions in between which mean he wil likely not have to consider such things.

peachgreen · 05/09/2020 09:08

@alternativeperspective this is the most comforting thing I've ever read, thank you.

OP posts:
Pancakeorcrepe · 05/09/2020 09:16

Sending you lots of love and strength 💐💐💐 and wishes for good news soon

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 05/09/2020 09:23

Just wanted you to know there is an invisible army of us all sending you positive thoughts and kind wishes OP Flowers

MrsDanielCleaver · 05/09/2020 09:28

Thinking of you and your DH OP. You have a community of people around you both in person and on the Internet. You're not alone.

Weltans · 05/09/2020 10:19

I am one of many people wishing you well and now lots and lots of people have echoed my point that heart failure is not, by any means, a terminal diagnosis: there are so many options available, even for people older and in less good preceding health than your DH.

Find a picture of you all together and happy and put it by his bedside: I was asked to do this when my DH was in ITU and not only will DH see it, but the staff will too, and it will give them a more rounded picture of who he is.

I am glad that all these good wishes are helping you, but don’t feel obliged or pressured to post updates.
Lastly, try to look after yourself, eating, sleeping as much as you can, Bath or shower with extra nice stuff: sounds daft and trivial but all the emotions you are feeling are absolutely exhausting, and you need to keep well for the medium and long term.
I wish you and all your family well, from the bottom of my heart. xx

Weltans · 05/09/2020 10:20

PS and don’t feel obliged or pressured to post updates, only if it helps you xx

wildcherries · 05/09/2020 10:48

I'm sending you all my positive thoughts. The way you describe your husband is heartwarming. I wish all the best for you and your family.

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