Partner says I have a distinctive smell but can’t quite describe it..!

[Deanie10000]

I can’t wear any perfumes etc due to my allergies to fragrance chemicals so I just use roll on deodorant and no other perfume nor body spray or perfumed creams

He says he’s noticed the smell on me from day 1, that it isn’t offensive (might just be saying that to be polite), isn’t typical gross body odour and likely to be strongest around my neck (though he can’t say that definitively)

What could it be and how can I fix it?

He says his past partners never smelt of anything but I definitely have a smell nearly always.

I shower daily but wash my hair every 5 days or so as it’s very thick and dries out easily.

I usually take special care to wash behind my ears as that’s where gross cheesy smells build up.

Any tips/suggestions?

I drink a lot of water but have a dry body type where I heat up too easily and sweat fairly easily

Washing thick curly hair every 5 days would be the normal, recommended frequency.

I suspect a lot of people on here have that stringy thin hair that needs to be washed every day and don't know what they're talking about.

Yeah I wash my hair every 4-5 days and no smell, thick curly hair doesn't need washing that often
I get the cheese smell sometimes from my ear piercings

Everyone has a natural smell its pheramones. And if he said its not unpleasant then no more to be said keep doing what your doing. People are bitchy as fuck on here though. Washing your hair every 5 days is normal. Whats not normal is people washing off all the natural oils on their body and scalp every day leading to the body going into overdrive to overproduce oil that its lost. Hence why people who wash their hair every day get greasier dirtier hair more often.

Also theres a dating agency that makes everyone wear a numbered shirt in bed overnight with no perfume or aftershave etc and then seal it in bags. Then everyone goes around sniffing the bags and picks the shirt they are most attracted to tjen go on a date with the person they picked.

No one should be getting a cheesy smell from their ears or behind them. If they are then they aren’t being cleaned enough, the jewellery is dirty or there is an infection.

As for the smell op I also suspect it’s from not regularly washing your hair. You let it go greasy to make it look better and those natural oils do have a smell. Also it will then be on your neck and scalp.

My husband had this before he started shaving his head, it’s not an offensive smell as such but more I could tell he needed to wash his hair.

If he genuinely doesn’t mind the smell and you’re not fussed either wt, then I’d not worry. But if the idea bothers you, or suspect he doesn’t like it, and that bothers you then you need to find a solution for the hair situation.

The way to find out is if he still thinks the smell is there when you’ve just washed your hair neck and ears.

@twaddledee
I've both seen it myself, and heard it from other school staff.
I don't know if it has also been officially researched, but it must work the same way as the experiments @canteenofcutlery cited.
I assume partners recognise their significant other's scent from spending time in close physical contact. Primary age children are often entwined with their friends in the way older people just aren't - arms round each others' necks, heads together sharing a book, wrestling....A bit like puppies at times, and they are generally attuned to scents too!

You definitely shouldn’t be washing really curly hair daily, that’s ridiculous.

(this is obviously to the 5 day hair is grim type) the reason their hair is greasy and stinky after 1 day is that they’re constantly stripping their scalp of oils, so the scalp is producing more and more to over compensate

People smell lovely when they aren't sprayed and scrubbed with artificial stuff.

Remember the warm biscuit smell of your own arm in the sunshine when you were a kid?

We kill off the natural skin flora when we use soaps and lotions. Yes, we need to wash and stay clean, but why strip our skin of it's natural oils then smother it in moisturiser to make up for it?

I've got a really sensitive nose, I can tell when my own scent changes as well as other people's. When I'm stressed I smell really bad- acrid. The smell of fear. My husband's pillow smells totally different to mine.

I don't understand what the cheesy is, but ask your doctor.

Thinking about it, my best friend has always had a slight medicinal scent, I loved my ex's skin, but that must have been pheromones. I used to buy him sandalwood soap as that brought it out more. Loved his breath as well.

You need more than one person OP, try to get ask your partner to define it better and also someone else and a doctor.

Some people have much higher olfactory senses than others.

I think folks are missing the point, it’s not that her hair as such that simoly needs washing more often because her hair smells, it’s it needs washing because she sweats a lot so the sweat is getting trapped and it rubs onto her neck, ears and scalp etc.

People are saying to wash it more because she’s likely getting an oil and sweat build up.

5 days between hair washes would definitely smell. and not in a good way

@whiplashy it doesn't! The majority of people with Afro hair don't wash theirs often due to the type of care it needs
When people say hair smells if not washed every day or two, you are saying everyone with Afro hair smells...

I overthink everything and am quite needy. I wouldn't be able to let this alone. I'd keep bringing it up until he probably eventually snaps and tells me what on earth he was on about. Not the best for your relationship, but at least you'll know what's smelly or more likely isn't.

[quote QueenPaws]@whiplashy it doesn't! The majority of people with Afro hair don't wash theirs often due to the type of care it needs
When people say hair smells if not washed every day or two, you are saying everyone with Afro hair smells... [/quote]
Afro hair doesn't smell, it is well cared for.

Non-Afro hair does smell if not washed, it absorbs everything.

It’s unclear whether he thinks this is a problem or not. Does he want you to implement changes? As apparently it’s not an unpleasant smell but “cheese” odour sounds repulsive

My DH is always inhaling my neck smell, and me his. He likes it and says it’s a sweet smell, I guess it’s pheromones? The kids call it my mummy smell. Doesn’t everyone have a smell?

@jessstan2 so afro hair is well cared for if washed once a week but curly 3A/3B will smell... ok

I feel like we're all so used to people smelling of perfumed products we don't really know what an unperfumed body smells like. I think on the hair front lots of people don't get it if like me they have thin hair. But I do think the most likely culprit is your hair or scalp. Not necessarily dirty smelling but just smelling of the natural oils. Can you use essential oils like lavender?

Maybe try washing your hair every 3 days or so, instead of 5? The cheesy behind-the-ears thing is just a fungal smell. A bit of Canesten/ some tea- tree oil soap should help that.

Definitely wash your hair far more often. He's telling you because he wants you to know. I'm thinking he thinks you should do something with the information.

This thread just made me a bit paranoid. I just asked dp if i had a distinct smell and he replied "everyone has a distinct smell". I spent a night away from him once and he said the bed smelled like me and made him sad i wasnt there. So maybe he means it in a good way. Just ask is it an unclean smell or not and that should tell you.