Partner says I have a distinctive smell but can’t quite describe it..!

[Deanie10000]

I can’t wear any perfumes etc due to my allergies to fragrance chemicals so I just use roll on deodorant and no other perfume nor body spray or perfumed creams

He says he’s noticed the smell on me from day 1, that it isn’t offensive (might just be saying that to be polite), isn’t typical gross body odour and likely to be strongest around my neck (though he can’t say that definitively)

What could it be and how can I fix it?

He says his past partners never smelt of anything but I definitely have a smell nearly always.

I shower daily but wash my hair every 5 days or so as it’s very thick and dries out easily.

I usually take special care to wash behind my ears as that’s where gross cheesy smells build up.

Any tips/suggestions?

I drink a lot of water but have a dry body type where I heat up too easily and sweat fairly easily

Yeah, it’s your hair. You can’t leave it for five days and expect it to smell nice.

HIn normal times I would ask if you had a good friend or two you coukd ask to give you a sniff and some honest feedback.
Bit more tricky at a 2m distance!
Could you ask a close friend if they have ever noticed any smell at all?

Oh, and most oeople have a 'smell'. I think we get less conscious of it as adults, maybe, or perhaps we just don't nuzzle as many people as children do.
Primary chldren often reassign jumpers after PE by smelling then rather than looking at the name label.

People do have distinct smells though? It doesn’t mean it’s bad. I could definitely pick my best friends jumper out of a pile of random jumpers by smell alone.

I have really thick long hair and unless I get properly sweaty (like exercising or on holiday) or sit next to a bbq for an afternoon, it does not get smelly, the hygiene police on mumsnet are nuts.

Where do you work? Are there any odours that could make ypur hair smell?

Scarby that is so fascinating. Do you work in a school - is it your own observation or has it been written about/is well known? I have never heard it.

I've got thick hair and loads of it and it absolutely would smell if I only washed it every 5 days! No need to shampoo every wash but 5 days, particularly in summer, will result in a smell.

I've met a few people who have a smell. Not perfume or laundry detergent, a sort of musty, "person" smell. A previous boss of mine had it and when she leaned over me to look at something on my computer or similar I could smell her. She was very clean and put-together so it was just her.

Also, I wash my hair twice a week and it doesn't smell unless I've been frying food. As pp mentioned though, if your hair is thick/dry and you don't want to strip the moisture out of it when washing, look at washing it with conditioner only in between your shampoo washes. It takes a good few minutes of scrubbing your scalp but it cleans it while retaining the moisture.

Calling Op 'grim' is next level pathetic really, how unpleasant. Not everyones skin and hair is the same

OP have his comments upset you? Like others I would suggest it sounds like it might be your hair- especially at the base of the neck around where you ears are if you know that oil builds up there.

I would try washing the hair more frequently if you can to see if that helps or using a scalp scrub. If there's any dandruff then definitely a medicated shampoo such as nizoral as fungal skin complaints can leave an odour if left untreated.

If not try giving that area a good clean nightly with a flannel when you wash your face.

My mum has an odour , do you wash your clothes and coats etc regularly ? I know she doesn't which is why she smells 😬.. I shower every day often twice and was not clothes that touch my skin after every wear .. could you do more ? If not then it's not going anywhere .

It could be your home. I lived in an old house that needed renovating and even though my clothes were clean and washed, the bedroom was damp and I would get a waft of a musty smell on my clothes at work every now and then. The pillows smelt too even though the bedding was clean so my hair never felt fresh unless I washed it each morning. (I’ve moved now so I don’t think I smell anymore .)

I also know someone who cooks fried food a lot and they smell of it. It’s their hair and coat and their house smells the same.

Hope OP is ok. There's been some nastiness here. I did say likely hair but based on my own hair and the fact I cook a lot (a key omission in what I said) as I can smell my hair as unpleasant after 2 days

The OP says she rarely washes her hair and scalp, that she leaves her hair unwashed long enough that “cheesy buildup” develops (I’ve never experienced or even heard of that before), and that people tell her she smells.

It’s not jealousy. OP needs to stop acting like Stig of the Dump. Ffs, if you smell and have “cheesy buildup” have a damn shower. I have super thick and very long hair too, I still wash myself.

The long part of my hair smells of shampoo even after 5 days. I think it's the pheromones in the oil on your neck and scalp and chest probably. It's not really your hair.

DH is bald but washes top to toe daily. His scalp has a strong smell. If he wears a wooly hat for a long time over winter it smells very strong. And not in a good way.

A secretary I used to work with had eczema and used to talk about a cheesey smell. I know what you mean. I have a ;hot head' and dinately notice when my head gets hot and my hair gets smelly (usually n summer). I used to not wash it too much as I dye it, but realised I would have to to get fresher smelling hair! I also know what you mean about cheesey ears - I not only wash there but also at night clean there with a no greasy cleaner/toner and that helps.

The “cheesy scalp build up” made me assume OP barely washes her hair - only to realise she actually washes it every 5 days, which isn’t that bad surely? I wouldn’t have thought anyone’s hair/scalp would become “cheesy” within that time?

I have dry/highlighted hair (never gets greasy) and upon my hairdresser’s advice I wash it ~every 3 days, as any more frequently would dry it out further (heat damage) and fade my colour. Obviously I still shower my body twice daily. My scalp definitely doesn’t smell. I assume I could stretch to 5 days (with dry shampoo) without odour. I reckon there may be other health concerns causing the cheesy smell if it appears that fast as it’s something I have never experienced. It’s worth discussing with your GP.

But does OP even smell that bad if her partner immediately noticed her scent and still continued to date her? She didn’t smell repulsive/cheesy enough to put him off.

Do you wear a necklace?

Thanks everyone so far.
Just to clarify, the cheesy smell I meant was behind the ears (not my hair)

It’s odd as I feel I’m both prone to being sweaty/greasy whilst also having a dry scalp. Seems really contradictory.

Every time I wash my hair, it’s horribly dry for 1-2 days afterwards and only gets less dry after those two days so if I want my hair to look good for a certain event, I’d always wash it 2 days prior.

I have very thick curly hair (think Monica from friends high humidity scene - not an exaggeration. I often get charged more than the long thick hair price at hairdressers as it’s so thick and I can’t always get it thinned as it’s expensive to maintain it. If I do it myself or not maintain it, I’ll get random chunks of hair growing at different lengths and it looks horrible.

I do feel envious of women with thin, straight hair who smell lovely and shampoo-like whilst also maintaining shiny mirror like hair.

I’ve tried every deep conditioning mask, conditioner and dry scalp shampoo (eg e45, the yes to carrots one, body shop ginger one but it always leaves my hair feeling icky or straw-like dry. I’ve had months of conditioner only washing etc but never really works

Why not ask someone close, sister etc to clarify?

Doesn't everybody have a smell? Some stronger than others, but literally everyone I know well enough to have spent time in close proximity with has a smell that's just them. Not their soap or perfume or anything, just theirs. Like people's houses do, or individual bedrooms. I could identify my dc just by smell if I had to. I don't get why this is a problem. Everyone has their own smell!

I saw a TV programme once where they got some men to where an identical cotton shirt for a certain amount of time. The shirts were invisibly marked so the testers could tell who had worn each shirt. The wives of the men were then given the pile of shirts to see if the could work out which man had worn which shirt using nothing but their sense of smell. They all got it right.

I meant above, that the various wives could correctly identify the shirt their own husband had worn by smell alone from the pile of identical shirts.

You sound like a perfect candidate for a keratin smoothing hair treatment! It will sleek your hair out, reduce frizz and shorten the drying time.

I have normal thickness hair and found that it made my hair look too flat/fine for my liking, but as your hair is that thick it would probably balance you out.

Have you tired a leave in spray conditioner? Honestly, been a game changer for me, I use an Aussie one.

@FlibbertyGiblets

It will be your hair and scalp. The smell is revolting, sharp and sour, he will catch his breath and not in a good way. Get a decent haircut, thinned out and or undercut, and wash it more. Grim.

I never fail to be shocked at just how nasty people can be on here at times.