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Original poster

Partner says I have a distinctive smell but can’t quite describe it..!

96 replies

Deanie10000 · 31/08/2020 22:49

I can’t wear any perfumes etc due to my allergies to fragrance chemicals so I just use roll on deodorant and no other perfume nor body spray or perfumed creams

He says he’s noticed the smell on me from day 1, that it isn’t offensive (might just be saying that to be polite), isn’t typical gross body odour and likely to be strongest around my neck (though he can’t say that definitively)

What could it be and how can I fix it?

He says his past partners never smelt of anything but I definitely have a smell nearly always.

I shower daily but wash my hair every 5 days or so as it’s very thick and dries out easily.

I usually take special care to wash behind my ears as that’s where gross cheesy smells build up.

Any tips/suggestions?

I drink a lot of water but have a dry body type where I heat up too easily and sweat fairly easily

OP posts:
loutypips · 31/08/2020 23:33

Your ears smell cheesy? I don't think that's normal.

SBTLove · 31/08/2020 23:35

gross cheesy ears is this a thing?

SBTLove · 31/08/2020 23:36

@peachgreen
You really don’t, I have thick naturally curly hair and my hairdresser told me to wash it once a week, it doesn’t smell or get greasy.

AlanBrazil · 31/08/2020 23:38

I usually take special care to wash behind my ears as that’s where gross cheesy smells build up

Is it? I mean that as a genuine question, not a snark- I've never heard of cheesy ear smells. I've never known anyone with cheesy ear smells Envy

Regularsizedrudy · 31/08/2020 23:41

Doesn’t everyone have a smell though? I don’t really think it’s something you need to “fix”

Also re hair, one a week is fine for thick hair, but on mumsnet everyone showers 3 times a day and bleaches their innards with zoflora so it’s best to ignore.

SBTLove · 31/08/2020 23:42

@Regularsizedrudy
bleaches their innards with zoflora so it’s best to ignore
Christ that’ll nip 🤣

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 31/08/2020 23:54

Almost everyone has their own smell. I can often tell which child is visiting my house due to smelling them when I open any of the kids room doors. It's a warm flat and between my 8yo, 10yo and 13yo, there are always kids coming and going and often you can smell visitors or at least certain ones. And only one or two are a bad smell (kid who comes from a heavy, HEAVY smoking household and teen with BO)

My best friend growing up used to pass clothes down to me because my mum never bought us any and even after a year or more of me owning whatever top or jumper etc it was, it would still hold that 'Sally smell'. Even mutual friends would pick it up and say, "This Sally's?"

My own DH smells amazing. Lynx Africa (gotta use up them Christmas gift sets!) and DH. It's not sweat. It's not aftershave. Not laundry detergent or shower gel. It's just.... him. And it's divine! I could shove my nose in his chest and neck and stay there forever breathing him in.

Wbeezer · 31/08/2020 23:59

DH sniffs my neck, he reckons i have a distinctive alluring smell, he doesnt find me as attractive when he had a bunged up nose!

mallowa · 01/09/2020 00:02

It's just your "you" smell - mix of hormones, pheromones, body style etc. It's nothing to get worked up about. We all have a unique odour, not in a bad way. Doesn't mean you smell bad.

tectonicplates · 01/09/2020 00:04

Another perfume allergy person here. I wonder if you've become allergic to your shampoo or soap without realising? Allergies can do all sorts of weird things to your body, besides the obvious.

Also it can depend on your age. Some women experience a change in body smell during perimenopause. If his past partners never smelled of anything, that's probably because they were all younger at the time.

Neveranynamesleft · 01/09/2020 00:08

Not washing your hair for 5 days just because it is thick is not good, it is bound to pong. Invest in some shampoo and conditioner for thick hair, theres loads of different ones.

tectonicplates · 01/09/2020 00:13

By the way, if it's actually cheesy-smelling then it can be down to an infection, sometimes a fungal infection of some kind. It may be worth seeing a GP or even speaking to a pharmacist.

Plenty of people wash their hair every four or five days - everyone is different and it depends on your hair. A lot of the comments on here are coming from a place where people think their behaviour is standard and they haven't thought through that not everyone's hair behaves the same way as theirs.

SimonJT · 01/09/2020 00:17

Its likely pheromones, my partners smell strong (well to me they do), particularly the side of his neck in the morning. Sometimes he lets me me weird and just sniff his neck for ages.

Everyone has a smell, thats why if you go into a strangers home it ‘smells’ but a friends house doesn’t as your nose is used to the smell of a friend.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 01/09/2020 00:23

Could it be from ear piercings? Those can sometimes be a bit cheesy smelling.

IAmFleshIAmBone · 01/09/2020 00:24

It'll be pheromones. Everyone has it. If I think, I know my mum's natural scent. It's a little like white musk perfume. My dad's is slightly pungent like fresh sweat and engine oil. And apparently I smell very 'me', and when I cuddle the cat she always smells a bit like me after. It's really weird. Nothing to worry about, I'm sure it's not your hair or your ears.

TheHighestSardine · 01/09/2020 00:29

I had a boyfriend once who didn't have a smell. It took me a couple of months to work out what was slightly odd about him. Nice bloke.

But five days between hair washes is quite a long time. Particularly if you get flavoursome during the day behind the ears, even if you flannel that off your hair will pick up the "cheesy smell". I'd suggest washing your hair more often and find yourself a decent conditioner.

Graphista · 01/09/2020 00:32

The only things I would be concerned about is if it's possibly the fruity/sweet smell of Dka or a sweet musty smell that may indicate a fungal issue

So it would be helpful if he could describe it in detail and may be worth a visit to your practice nurse

Obviouspretzel · 01/09/2020 01:11

I know what you mean by the cheesy smell. It's not massively cheesy like some kind of parmesan, just that sweaty smell you can get behind the ears if you rub them. Perhaps not everyone would describe it as cheesy.

I echo the others about the hair washing though. I would go for more often than that.

hastingsmua1 · 01/09/2020 01:15

I have a “smell” too apparently- but I wear different perfume and have scented laundry detergent and room fragrance etc so it is a faint mixture of lovely smells. It’s weird, everyone always compliments it but I have no idea what the concoction actually is!

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 01/09/2020 01:19

@FlibbertyGiblets

It will be your hair and scalp. The smell is revolting, sharp and sour, he will catch his breath and not in a good way. Get a decent haircut, thinned out and or undercut, and wash it more. Grim.
Oh shut up. 5 days is fine if you've got a lot of thick hair. Don't be so fucking nasty and judgemental.
PaperMonster · 01/09/2020 05:38

I think most people have their own distinctive smell. My OH’s has changed and I’ve told him as it is unpleasant - worries me that he could be ill.

Badabingbadabum · 01/09/2020 06:07

It could be your hair, scalp oils can smell, and it could also be ''your' smell.

Do you get dry skin or eczema behind your ears? Dc sometimes have and if I don't catch it soon enough it can get weepy and the smell is almost cheesy. Drying well after baths, moisturiser, or when it gets very sore they've had antibiotic cream and it sorts it out really quickly.

wibdib · 01/09/2020 10:25

Not wishing to worry you but it would be worth reading this and checking with your doc of it applies...
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/uk-scotland-47627179

There’s a woman who noticed her dh’s smell changed and it wasn’t until years later when he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and she went to a support group with him she noticed that they all smelt similar.

He was a research scientist so got his wife to do a blind test to see if she could identify between groups of subjects - one with, the other without Parkinson’s and she was pretty much spot on apart from one without that she said had it but he didn’t. Except he was diagnosed with it a year later - meaning she had picked it up long before typical diagnosis as she had with her dh.

Sadly he has now died but she has carried on with the research and they are now looking at an early detection test based on the smell!

It’s a fascinating story - not saying you might have Parkinson’s obviously just that a oerson’s smell can say so much about them, much ofwhich we don’t yet know or understand!

Hiccupiscal · 01/09/2020 10:45

@wibdib

Not wishing to worry you but it would be worth reading this and checking with your doc of it applies... www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/uk-scotland-47627179

There’s a woman who noticed her dh’s smell changed and it wasn’t until years later when he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and she went to a support group with him she noticed that they all smelt similar.

He was a research scientist so got his wife to do a blind test to see if she could identify between groups of subjects - one with, the other without Parkinson’s and she was pretty much spot on apart from one without that she said had it but he didn’t. Except he was diagnosed with it a year later - meaning she had picked it up long before typical diagnosis as she had with her dh.

Sadly he has now died but she has carried on with the research and they are now looking at an early detection test based on the smell!

It’s a fascinating story - not saying you might have Parkinson’s obviously just that a oerson’s smell can say so much about them, much ofwhich we don’t yet know or understand!

How interesting, I worked in care for many years. I could smell cancer early on. In fact, im sure a neighbour has cancer and doesn't know yet or is keeping it a secret. Smell is a very interesting subject (also not suggesting op has cancer!)

To ops post, everyone mentioning pheromones etc, i think this doesn't sound like that - a cheesy smell isn't usually a good smell. I would be asking you DH or someone trusted to explain in more detail and looking more at your personal hygiene. Cheesy smells aren't usually a pheromonal smell, but more an indication of something not being healthy.

Don't mean any of that to sound cruel if it does!

tectonicplates · 01/09/2020 10:54

FlibbertyGiblets It will be your hair and scalp. The smell is revolting, sharp and sour, he will catch his breath and not in a good way. Get a decent haircut, thinned out and or undercut, and wash it more. Grim.

Oh shut up. 5 days is fine if you've got a lot of thick hair. Don't be so fucking nasty and judgemental.

Totally agree. The levels of jealousy over other people's hair is so ridiculous. There are so many people around who just can't wait to tell others to cut their hair or get it "thinned out". You just can't bear the thought of other people having nicer hair than you, can you, FlibbertyGiblets. Get over it.

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