Any dyspraxics want to chat?

[bicyclesaredeathtraps]

Hi!
On a thread the other day it became apparent that there's quite a few dyspraxic women on here. I thought it would be nice to have somewhere to chat, about coping mechanisms for work, family, whatever, what we wish we'd known, diagnosis and so on - or anything you like! As-yet-undiagnosed people are of course welcome, as it's practically impossible to get diagnosed as an adult on the NHS 🙄
I'd appreciate it if this remained a space for adult dyspraxics though, rather than people wondering if their child might be - we can spend a lot of time explaining it so it's nice to have a break
I hope some of you join me!

My DD has dyspraxia as well as ASD. I would say her dyspraxia affects her just as much as her ASD does, but I find people do not take dyspraxia seriously at all, like they do with ASD. This is ESPECIALLY true in schools.

People assume dyspraxia = a bit clumsy. What they don't understand is the massive affect it has on executive function - her organisational skills, her memory, her complete time blindness make independence very hard for her. This was massively noticeable when she started secondary school. She was late for many lessons. She forgot stuff regularly. She never remembered messages from staff about after events in school, equipment needed - so didn't have a clue what was going on (and neither did I).

No amount of scaffolding at home helped, and teachers made no allowances for it. She stacked up behaviour points and detentions, and became extremely anxious in school to the point of panic attacks.

Plus she's a teenager, and she desires independence like her friends have, but doesn't have the requisite skills at the moment to be independent.

Even on family trips out she will, without fail, leave her phone/face mask/bag in the public loos, leave her coat on the back of the cafe chair, leave her backpack on the train...its very difficult for her.

I suspect dyspraxia. DS1 has a diagnosis along with ASD, and out of 6 paternal cousins, at least 4 are dyspraxic or have a related neurodivergent condition.

My organisation skills nearly cost me my PGCE when I switched placement from a school with a mentor who was very directed to one that was very loose.

For that kind of thing, I hate lists. I have to visually layout my timetable with spaces and colour coding for what I'm doing when as my framework for the big picture. I also used to write essays by bullet point then blend it together.

School, I survived by lugging everything, every day. I operate on a just-in-time basis. I'm worse when I'm ahead of myself as it's not fresh in my head. I once made the mistake of planning a lesson 3 days ahead and the smug feeling evaporated very quickly on standing in front of 30 pupils and not having a clue what it was about anymore. I need open-plan-filing systems, in sight is in mind. Unfortunately school management has been taken over by smunts who believe in minimalism and that "a tidy desk is a tidy mind". They are wrong. A tidy desk is an empty mind because I have been deprived of my visual prompts.

I'm a doodler/ fidgeter. I can rarely focus on one thing at a time. At school, I'd doodle away and have my hand up answering questions Hermione Granger style so my teachers knew that I was on the ball, and fortunately they were kinder days in education.

Housework I find draining, all those micro decisions, and so, so boring. I drive DH round the bend because I do it in the wrong order... I intellectually understand his logic of mopping the floor last because it gets dirty while you deal with the rest of it, but with an attention span that collapses halfway through cleaning the cooker, sometimes it's good to be random or some jobs at the bottom of the list would never be done.

I learned to swim at 16, to ride a bike at 19 and to run at 32. It can take me an hour to get ready for a run. You can procrastinate and faff even on the things you really love to do, even when driving yourself around the bend.

In positives, I'm spontaneous, good at lateral thinking and the big picture and pretty cool in a crisis when there is no plan.

My daughter copes by

Making lists and ticking each thing off.
She can't walk in too high a heel and so she only buys shoes with a strap or t bar.
She can tie laces but would have been 9 years of age before she perfected it with lots of practice and determination.
She uses a sat nav driving and had a brilliant driving instructor who really understood her difficulties and by pure coincidence her examiner on day of her test had a son with dyspraxia.
She learnt to play piano as a training mechanism for left and right and whilst she plays for her own entertainment she never went past grade 5.
She is also mildly dyslexic and copes with this by making herself read ..alot on her kindle which means she can increase size and depth of colour in print.
She gets confused quickly, can suffer with word blindness and forget what she was about to say.
She has low muscle tone and would have a tendency to slouch but she got herself a personal trainer who is really making her work on her core and muscle tone.

All in all the difficulties she has faced have shaped her into being very determined and very empathetic to others.

Hello, another undiagnosed one... middle-aged and consider myself to be a well rounded and competent individual nowadays. Remember feeling frustrated and a bit useless (a lot) when younger... Here's my ishoos (past and present):

Can't remember pieces of information
Can't learn a language (awful working memory)
Can't follow verbal instructions
Underachieved at school - no idea how to revise
Get lost easily (love my SatNav!)
Can't catch a ball or hit one with a bat
Can't walk in a straight line and used to squash my friends against the wall on the way home from school
Dangerous on a bike
Took 5 go's to pass driving test
Had a zillion swimming lessons and can still barely do it
Can't learn dance routines
Used to be very messy
Didn't use to be able to pack for a holiday etc. Would take everything in my bedroom
Used to be late for school every day (still dream about it)
Some sensory issues e.g. can't wear a wedding ring

Sometimes think it would be interesting to get assessed...

Hugs to all 🌻

@GinJeanie yes to all your symptoms.
I wonder what age you crawled and sat up by yourself at.
Dd didn't crawl until she was 13months. Never could sit in her high chair/car seat/pram without being slouched to one side.

I definitely am. I can ride a bike and drive though (Can’t park very well) but I have to do them often or I quickly deskill. Consequently as I moved into adulthood and started to use computers for everything, my handwriting has become worse and worse (was passable at school as we hand wrote everything then). Can’t play any hand eye co-ordination sports and can’t dance very well (even though I love music and dancing)

DS has a diagnosis - is dyslexic as well but I often wonder about myself.
It took my 8 attempts to pass my driving test, I am always covered in bruises from walking into things, can’t dance or do any kind of class at the gym. Can’t remember a series of verbal instructions, struggle to concentrate when someone is telling me something, always spill tea and make a mess when cooking.

However, I can ride a bike, am brilliant at reading a map and I’m always early (too early - I think because I’m overcompensating). I’m very good at anything logical too.

We’re both hypermobile too.

Yes I would love to know if people have been assessed and found it worthwhile.

DH has been so supportive of the things I find harder since recognising it was likely to be dyspraxia. He accepts there are some things I am terrible at. And he doesn't laugh at my clumsy side or make me feel terrible about accidents. But my ex h was so nasty to me about it.

And as a child the only thing that happened was that social services investigated my mum because I had so many injuries, it never occurred to anyone at that time that it might be something developmental.

I found the official diagnosis useful, mostly in a practical way bc it allowed me to access some support at uni, but also I felt very emotionally validated. I'm now kinder to myself about needing help, finding things harder, making mistakes. And it's given me to confidence to explain what I need to thrive

I didn't have to pay though. I don't know if I would have gone for it if I had. Although as it was an ed psych diagnosis a lot of the more physical and emotionalstuff is still guesswork

Hi bicycles! Thanks for starting the thread. I was diagnosed with dyspraxia in my teens and now in my thirties.
I actually had a near death experience on a bike and now have an elbow which is held together by moving rods and screws. I'm still riding my bike though, the hardest part is carrying it up from the basement every morning.
There isn't a week that goes by without me hurting myself accidentally. Bumping into a door or wall mostly.
Biggest challenge by far is controlling my emotions. I think I scare most friends away, but I have a few good ones that remained.
People think im an extrovert but over the years I have started to realize that im happiest when I am alone and can just be myself. I can hold conversations and give presentations if i need to. But i am most content when im in a quiet setting and have space for my thoughts.
I have a dh and a dd. I don't let dyspraxia stand in the way of being a good mum. It's a problem in the brain, not in the heart, and so I just love her as much as I can. I remember walking out of a baby swimming lesson after an instructor took my baby from me because I wasn't "holding her properly" . But then i found a different course with a much more relaxed instructor.
I have a creative job and i think dyspraxia makes me good at what i do. I haven't told my colleagues because I never found the right moment. But maybe it would help me to deal with some difficult situations. Maybe one day...

@SarahAndQuack I'm just like your mum.
What you've described is me!

I can't coordinate doing the buttons on duvet covers and have now realised I own nothing with a button.

My son was diagnosed as severely dispraxic and we have always been identical with lack of coordination and planning.

He once picked up his drink and not only missed his mouth (I do this daily) but missed his body! The milk ended up on the floor over his left shoulder. I don't think we've ever laughed so hard.

I've always made a concerted effort to laugh as I was ridiculed by everyone as a child as being clumsy and lazy. I just keep apologising for passing on such duff genes.

Is anyone more affected by fine motor skills? My DS seems less affected by this, but he can't use a knife, struggles with buttons and shoe laces.

Hello! I am- was diagnosed a few years ago while I was at uni. I can't drive - couldn't cope with left and right indicators etc. I've coped well generally. I'm a teacher, so find it difficult to organise my desk and prioritise tasks. I struggle to keep on top of house and find it had a huge impact on my mental help. Al ways dropping things and bumping into things. I said to my dh yesterday that I wondered if it gets worse as you age because I seem to be more clumsy and disorganised as I've got older. Found it difficult to study and had to use spider diagrams and post it's over whole house. I have four whiteboards on our fridge plus two calendars to help me with my organisation. I also write notes in my phone.

I suspect I am.
When at school, several teachers wanted me to get assessed but my mum disapproved of labels.
My handwriting is terrible and I have always been rubbish at sports. I am super clumsy and fall over way more than the average adult!
I can drive but it took me a while to learn and I will probably never be amazing at parking.

The upside is that some of my coping methods have been useful beyond dealing with the dyspraxia (if I do have it)...
In schools exams my writing was so slow that in essay subjects I KNEW I would not be able to write as much as everyone else and that if I tried to rush it would not be legible.
So I learnt to become very concise at writing. I also knew that if I only had time to answer 80% of the exam questions I would have to make the most out of that 80%. So I developed strategies like tackling the questions I knew the best first, rather than in the order of the paper. So skipping any questions I was iffy on and doing them later if I had time.

I am naturally very disorganised and it has taken me years to get to the point where I can now be quite organised. Actually I can be scrupulously systematic in some ways because I know that's the only way I can keep on top of things. I work in a project management environment now and I am surprisingly good at it! Because the strategies I was forced to learn to cope with every day life are useful for coordinating complex projects. Perhaps for me this is an advantage over people who can cope with normal life without any effort.

Also another advantage - my brain is all over the place, and although this makes me scatty I am very good at making unexpected mental connections and at thinking "laterally"... I don't know if this linked to the dyspraxia or not but I have always suspected that it is. Whether I'm dispraxic or not there are certainly advantages as well as disadvantages to the way my brain works. Does anyone else feel the same?

I feel guilty as my ds uses BSL and I struggle to remember my signs...
I went a pearler at work today... Was serving on the till. My colleague came to take over, I turned round with a pile of baskets didn't see one on the floor and the next thing I knew I was on the floor under the air conditioning unit... 😔 😔 😔 😔
Matters weren't improved by a customer comparing me to a demolition unit!!

Thanks for starting this OP. I’m in-diagnosed but I’ve known for quite some time that I am dyspraxia and suspect my parents knew but never perused a diagnosis which boils my piss because It’d be nigh on impossible now!

My latest frustration - going out to posh dinner and not being able to do a simple up do because I’d have to look in the mirror and sort it all out in my head to use my hands properly. The rage was real.

@planningaheadtoday - that's interesting. What age are you (if you don't mind me asking)? Did you find things got harder with age, or not?

@purpledagger - I'm definitely affected with fine motor skills - isn't that most of us on the thread? I know it can affect things like kicking a ball or catching something, but I'd think stuff like using a knife etc. are similar to examples of doing buttons or handwriting? I am personally so very glad no one seems so bothered about adults' handwriting any more!

Whether I'm dispraxic or not there are certainly advantages as well as disadvantages to the way my brain works. Does anyone else feel the same?

I definitely feel like this! I appreciate being able to make connections in unexpected ways, and I also think having had to struggle with things makes you more aware of how to develop alternative strategies. Part of my job is teaching and I am sure I'm a better teacher because I am really conscious that the 'official' way of doing something often didn't work for me, and that people who struggle aren't 'just not trying'.

@Maverick66 - no idea about the crawling etc but my DS (who is sooo like me) didn't crawl. Interesting you say about your daughter slouching. My primary school used to have a physio in to work with me because I did the same and had "round shoulders".

@SquishySquirmy - I totally get it with the creative brain/problem-solving and think it could be a thing. I consider it a super-power tbh I too can think very quickly and laterally, often more so than others in the room. I love coming up with solutions. I also read very quickly and can grasp the jist/summarise - I often get bored on courses and frustrated others take so long. It's weird when my memory for factual stuff is so shot...
Does anyone feel that they are able to read emotions and anticipate others needs well too? I was super-shy (a blusher) and had zero confidence/self-esteem when I was younger but now I feel like I often really "get" people. Has helped with my work.

Interesting how so many neurological conditions involve having real difficulties but also unusual strengths!

I can't do a lot of 'basic' things like cook, ride a bike or tie my own shoelaces. It annoys me that there's often a perception that this is linked to intelligence.

My top dyspraxic moment recently - reaching to get a packet out of a cupboard somehow ended up with me jabbing my thumb in my eye!

I have undiagnosed dyspraxia, a combination of the social factors (anyone else shout a lot and interrupt others?) and the clumsiness and lack of spacial awareness. I have a driving license but have had more than my faod share of prangs

@SquishySquirmy you sound very much like me! I did exactly the same thing in exams at school, I got really good grades in English Literature because I was forced to make it so concise. One of the reasons I went for a diagnosis at uni was because that system no longer worked once I was up against harder questions, expected to answer in more depth etc. I also very much agree with your analysis of the way your brain works. I feel that mine works in "webs" rather than in straight lines, which can be frustrating at times but also very useful. It also keeps me entertained because everything triggers off a host of associations, usually quotes but also memories and pop songs. It's distracting, but it can also be very funny

@GinJeanie I'm not great with "reading" people my own age (always either miss or invent when someone is flirting with me, for example), but I'm really good at understanding small children. Even when language is a little unclear, I can almost always follow them and help

Oh and hi @CatbearAmo!
Ouch that sounds really painful. I gave myself a mild concussion and an impressive scar on my hip falling off a bike when I was about 15 and I've never quite felt the same about them since. So impressed that you still enjoy cycling! I do still do it sometimes, but I'm not safe/ confident enough to go out alone as I can't watch the traffic or signal and go in anything approaching a straight line at the same time. I'm also very very slow and I can't work out why. I think I'm missing a smoothness of movement in the pedalling somewhere. I persevere because I don't want to give up entirely, but it's never going to be enjoyable or useful as a commuting tool. I've been toying with the idea of a tricycle - anyone got any experience of them?

I do have a diagnosis of Auditory Processing Disorder and suspect that that is connected. I can find conversations hard to read in groups, and struggle with background noise.

I'm struggling with masks as they are in the way of my peripheral vision and if I'm in a busy place, I get overloaded and have had two panic attacks now.

When I had a new classroom/ layout, there was a line of bruises on my hips where I would bounce off the corners of the furniture for the first few weeks.