Anyone else screwed work wise because of school hours

[Sewsosew]

Previously working somewhere great under contract before lockdown. In process of being made permanent with DC starting secondary (meaning I could do longer hours also, but still term time, not quite full hours).
Current contract ended same time as lockdown.

Now they’ve decided they want someone full time, whole year (I imagine this is to do with recent management buyout).

DC is only back in school 8.30-2pm, no after school activities and has to be off site. Too young to be left for hours, can’t go back to childminder (too old really and she won’t take a child from a different school). Nowhere else to go.
DH is out 7-7pm.

I’m so hacked off. We are fine financially but I like working and I am so friggin bored! I like people and I like the extra cash as holiday money.

I know someone is going to say it’s fine to leave DC, but I’m not comfortable with that just yet, she only recently turned 11.

@GeorginaTheGiant he did share childcare until his company was bought out by a foreign company and things changed.

I just don’t have anywhere near the earning potential he does. He’s a scientist, I have an arts degree. If I was something so specialised too maybe I could earn equally. His boss is a woman but she has no kids.
Even if I had worked really hard at my previous career I still would only earn about half what he does. I was shit at chemistry in school.

I think part of the issue as well is how available after school/clubs are in different parts of the country. I was only able to work whilst DD was in primary as my friend started a childminding business at the right time, previously no childminders came to that school. School offered zero wrap round care. Holiday clubs are almost non existent. It’s like it’s keeping people unemployed.

@WhatILoved In original post I said they want someone 37 hours and no less.

@PutBabyInTheCorner because of Covid childminder is limiting herself and is almost exclusively doing pre-schoolers now. Hoping less chance of being effected by school lockdowns.

I’m not bothered by the living off DH, we have no intention of splitting. He needs me more than I need him anyway.

My 14 year old has just started babysitting but it would seem unusual for a teenage babysitter to be regularly committed several days a week- technically a good idea but wouldn't really work in practise plus I'd think many wouldn't want to be tied down to this arrangement every day though one day a week would be doable . Is there anything else you could get in place one or two evenings ? Eg could she go to a friends one evening , childminder one evening to break the week up? I'd not be worried about supervision more just giving her a bit of company after school- it can be a bit over whelming the first term of secondary so I understand your reservations.

OP there are definitely solutions. You say you enjoy your job - that's enough of a reason to keep it on & make things work.

However, if the real issue - as it seems to me - that you don't want to go to 37 hours, then that's a whole other issue & you must weigh that up.

I'd be a bit mixed too about my 11yo (I have one!) being alone - not because I'd worry but it's a bit lonely.

You could absolutely find a childminder or a babysitter-type to cover this, they could possibly combine it with cooking your dinner / ironing.

School holidays don't need to be worried about yet, and for significant ones, eg next summer DC will be 12.

I do feel a bit exasperated at times reading posts like this. I'm a single parent of 3 children, full-time professional role and no family support & almost none from my ex. It is unbelievably hard trying to fit it all in & childcare has crippled me - they are getting older & it will become easier! But of course it can be done!

Does DD not have a friend she would want to hang out with after school?

The university/6th form student or friendly cleaner route could be worth exploring OP.

Dressed up as unofficial tutoring or homework help, or having the bonus of some cleaning and meal prep rather than your DC feeling as though they are being "childminded".

Could you juggle your 37 hours so you stay late a few days when you have someone home and then you are back earlier another few days when your DC comes back to the house alone for a shorter time?

If your oh isn't home and able to help, his opinion on strangers in the house doesn't hold as much weight as yours in wanting to hold onto a job imo.

Find a local sixth former to get them home and do snack and homework session.

I'm a childminder part of the week and yes due to not being allowed to hang around in playground for different year groups it makes after school pick ups difficult. I can only pick up others from my own children's years. However if I was asked to look after a secondary school child (I'd love it! Nice to have older one and Falls outside under 8s ratio) I would ask them to walk themselves to me. I'd let them get on with school work, chat and let them have a quiet space if they wanted in order to wind down. Most childminders in my area would charge same as after school club so very affordable.

Would you consider asking a different childminder? Do you have other children with your current childminder?

@heartsonacake

You’re not screwed over because of work hours, you’re screwing yourself over because you won’t leave her alone and allow her to gain some necessary independence.

This.

You’re not interested in any of the reasonable suggestions given.
I’d seriously consider a student looking for some ‘babysitting’ hours.

11 is not too young to be on their own a few hours in afternoon. At that age I started babysitting younger children.

Really worth asking a few childminders. We all run our businesses differently. Some might even have children the same age as yours

Can you speak to a your child's friends families and see if any of them are prepared for your child to go to theres after
School a number of days a week for a small payment or for contra deal to help them out?

A retired childminder or student would like such a job and I used to do for an 11 year old in y7 for company as her mum worked late white a lot, she read and did her own thing and I just made tea and was 'around if needed'

Or a reliable neighbour?!

Put an ad out and you'll suprised what you may get

@DianaT1969

This comment about having a stranger in the house is strange. Lots of us have a cleaner - they are strangers initially. Dog walkers with keys. The person is only a stranger until you get to know them. You could employ a cleaner to be there every week day from 2-4pm, standard cleaning, prepping dinner, doing washing and ironing. Ask your friends for recommendations, or go through an agency and get references. It's only for a few months until you feel confident she's OK alone. If individual schools are closed down due to outbreaks, you might be pleased to have a regular helpful who knows your daughter and home (assuming they have availability to extend hours).

I personally don't find it strange. I wouldn't hire a cleaner or dog walker and give them keys to my house. I also wouldn't give many family members nor neighbours keys to my house.

Some people are just not that way inclined, doesn't make them strange.

I like the idea about a cleaner though. Check the price of that and the price of a babysitter and see if it makes sense. She doesn't have to watch DD just a safe adult presence around the house!

Well yes op, lack of childcare is a problem in many areas. But this is one you could explore, if you were to tolerate the non-family member in the house issue (i won't say stranger as they would quickly not be a stranger).

Your employer might only want someone 37 hours now, but be flexible as business needs change over the year. Your dds school does have a requirement to cover a certain number of hours in the year, while they can reduce them for covid restrictions now, eventually they will have to increase again.

If you do enjoy your job, look at the mothers help option.

For an hour I think that would be OK, in fact less than an hour by the time she comes home from school? If it was til 6pm I’d be reluctant to do it every day at just turned 11, but for an hour I’d think it would be OK x

Jeezo, when I was 11 my mum went abroad for 6 months for work and paid a family friend to look after me. She had children close in age to me and we had a whale of a time.
I also stayed home alone from the age of 9 for a couple of hours and was absolutely fine. As an adult I've always been really independent and have a good relationship with my mum.
Being a latchkey kid was great, so much fun and it would've driven me mad to have had my mum hovering over me and wanting to do stuff with me every day after school.
I think you're being over-cautious but it's your kid at the end of the day, do what you feel is best for you.

This is an excuse.
You cant need to work that much so you aren't screwed at all. If you had to do it you would.
I had a babysitter come in who sat downstairs doing her uni work and made DCs a snack until 6. I did this because I had to work.
You don't have to so aren't comfortable with that.
That's fine but its not your work hours 'screwing you' its your reluctance to work the new hours. It is quite an insulting post to those of us who had no choice. My kids were fine as they knew I had to work.

If you had to do it you would. I had a babysitter come in who sat downstairs doing her uni work and made DCs a snack until 6. I did this because I had to work

I've gone through sites likes care.com searching for these unicorn babysitters who can happily do odd hours for me. Not only do I have many unanswered messages, I also have more saying "sorry, I'm looking for day-work only/can't do those odd hours" etc. Oh, and also - they charge for a single morning what would take me 6 hours to earn. I need two sets if babysitting, and pick ups, and unfortunately don't earn enough to afford even just what would be the morning babysitting, let alone both morning and afternoon. I'm still trying to fins help. So no, not everyone is as lucky as you and has magically convenient solutions.

*single day not single morning

@YouJustDoYou

If you had to do it you would. I had a babysitter come in who sat downstairs doing her uni work and made DCs a snack until 6. I did this because I had to work

I've gone through sites likes care.com searching for these unicorn babysitters who can happily do odd hours for me. Not only do I have many unanswered messages, I also have more saying "sorry, I'm looking for day-work only/can't do those odd hours" etc. Oh, and also - they charge for a single morning what would take me 6 hours to earn. I need two sets if babysitting, and pick ups, and unfortunately don't earn enough to afford even just what would be the morning babysitting, let alone both morning and afternoon. I'm still trying to fins help. So no, not everyone is as lucky as you and has magically convenient solutions.

A childminder would do morning and after school much cheaper than a babysitter. So would morning and after school clubs. You can claim benefits towards childcare either uc or wtc and both sometimes offer discounts for a second child or if you are in difficulty with the school clubs. It isnt a magical solutiong but it does take looking everywhere. In the case of an 11 year old without special needs though, if needs must then there is no other solution. That isnt the case for the OP which is fortunate.

MN is so weird at times.
"Yes it's fine to leave your 11yr old for 3 hrs every day after school. It's character building and you're being irresponsible by not giving your dd the chance to be independent"
Or
"Aargh no you can't possibly leave your 6yr old in the safety of the car for 2 mins while you pay for petrol in the shop from which you can see your car"
Etc etc.
Honestly she's 11. I'm sure she wouldn't come to any harm but it's a fairly sad and lonely thing to be suggesting unless the child was totally up for it and OP I'm getting the feeling that your dd wouldn't be? After school is when you hear about their day and catch up on the little things (or be in the same room but ignored depending on the mood 😉).

I think the OP is needing a rant about how bloody unfair it is, and it really is - when the goalposts move and we can't do what we planned to do. I couldn't leave mine either at that stage (joking decision, : dc) and we suffered financially because of it, wouldn't change a thing.

Urgh we need an edit button!! Joint decision, 3 dc!

It sounds like you have made your mind up OP.
Tbh you are only faced with the same dilemma every working family has. On the one hand you would like to work limited hours with school holidays off so you can provide child care and have holiday money, on the other hand there are very few jobs like that available. If there were more jobs like that we would all want it. You have to choose, just like the rest of us did.

DH isn’t ‘forcing’ me to do anything. The reality is he works abroad a lot (not by choice, a company change).

I'd think that the parent who is, no matter how involuntarily, abroad for protracted periods does not really have the casting vote on whether or not strangers come into the house.

But if you don't want this job and are confident about your pension, earnings potential etc. then it probably suits your circumstances to give it up and do some voluntary work (some of the Citizen Science projects, perhaps) to alleviate boredom.

I really feel that 11 is too young to be on their own for that amount of time every day.
The NSPCC recommends that children under 12 shouldn't be left for a long time on their own and I still think that's a bit young to be coming home on their own and not having someone there until 5 or later.

I absolutely agree that secondary age children should be given more freedom and responsibility but it should be a gradual think and taken at their pace.
I spent quite a bit of time on my own at that age and I didn't like it. I felt lonely and missed having someone there.

@Sewsosew Your husband doesn't have the right to veto suggestions for managing this if he isn't there and can't be part of the solution. That's not fair on you.

I'm sorry if I've missed this but how long have you been with your employer? Were you employed part-time and term-time?