Anyone else screwed work wise because of school hours

[Sewsosew]

Previously working somewhere great under contract before lockdown. In process of being made permanent with DC starting secondary (meaning I could do longer hours also, but still term time, not quite full hours).
Current contract ended same time as lockdown.

Now they’ve decided they want someone full time, whole year (I imagine this is to do with recent management buyout).

DC is only back in school 8.30-2pm, no after school activities and has to be off site. Too young to be left for hours, can’t go back to childminder (too old really and she won’t take a child from a different school). Nowhere else to go.
DH is out 7-7pm.

I’m so hacked off. We are fine financially but I like working and I am so friggin bored! I like people and I like the extra cash as holiday money.

I know someone is going to say it’s fine to leave DC, but I’m not comfortable with that just yet, she only recently turned 11.

Your mollycoddling of her is doing her no favours OP. She needs independence. Ds2 is starting secondary. He's loved, absolutely adored being left 9-3pm for the first time recently.

My kids are 6 and 4 so can't be left alone but I would leave a secondary child if no learning difficulties. I'd make sure there was a friend/neighbour who could be called on should there be an emergency. I used to look after my brother at that age and cook us an omelette for dinner. My mum only worked twice a week though

Honestly in secondary from about two weeks in they'll come home and chat to their mates on whatever social media messaging service they're in to.

You won't see her and she needs to learn to be independent. If she's properly taught about locking the door upon return, knows to contact you or her father if there's a problem, has access to snacks then she'll be fine.

Don't screw yourself over career wise because at her age, you're about to enter 'needed for money and lift' territory and an ear to bend when she needs advice.

Why are you allowing your dh force you to give up your job? The "stranger" will be in the house when he's not so if he's so shy it doesn't matter.

@latticechaos

Y7 are fine to be left provided no other issues. In fact, they seem to enjoy the responsibility of getting a snack, doing their homework, walking the dog.

Not all of them! It is pretty lonely going home to an empty house every day.

And? She'd have to suck it up. Find a book. Do her homework. Do the house work.

The adults need to work to pay the bills.
The 'loneliness' would have to be sucked quite firmly up.

I was a latchkey kid. 3 hours is fine.

I don’t need it to pay the bills if you’d read the OP.

Paying someone the same as I earn to do unnecessary childcare seems ridiculous.
It’s certainly not a career job, it’s not well paid, I do it because I like it. I gave up a career job when DHs work changed as it was unsustainable to do both, or at least not enjoyable.

It was meant to fit around us. DH isn’t ‘forcing’ me to do anything. The reality is he works abroad a lot (not by choice, a company change). I didn’t want DD to be a latchkey kid. We do lots of things after school and me working full time would put a stop to all of that as I would get in too late.
If I was going to do 37 hours a week it wouldn’t be for a minimum wage job with no prospects, I’d get a proper job again.

I’m still not keen on leaving DD for 3 hours every evening. Even in the 80s and my parents lax parenting I wasn’t allowed home at that age on my own for that long, a sibling had to be in.
I don’t know a single person who would either?

She wouldn’t be a latch key kid if dh allowed a stranger in his house.

I wouldn’t worry about holidays for now, you’ve just done the big one and can probably scrape through a few months on annual leave if your OH can do a little bit, send her to a friend’s for a day, find a holiday club by next February etc.

Friends paid a local teen to be with their y7 DD when she started secondary. She loves being with a cool older teen who canalso help her with her homework.

I was thinking a mothers help would be useful for anyone in this situation,just for a couple of hours after school.Could help out with snack and start homework.Would not be too expensive either.

Find a local.teenager who will come round and babysit for a few hours. They won't want paying much.

An 11 year old will be fine for a couple of hours after school each day. Honestly. It’ll really help her become more independent.

Holidays can be dealt with nearer the time, but by the time the summer rolls around you’ll probably find that she’s grown up enough to manage many of those days too, interspersed with holiday clubs etc.

FWIW I am really not that old, but once I hit secondary I used to walk home across the village from school, calling in to grab my 10yo sister from her primary on the way, and then we’d be at home until my mum came home at 6ish. From then on we also did many weeks of school holidays ‘alone’ too - I say alone but in reality we were cycling round to visit friends etc. We both grew into very responsible teenagers with excellent life skills that we wouldn’t have otherwise gained.

Are there any universities nearby? You could hire a student to help her with homework for 2 hours 3pm - 5pm (30 mins to get drink and snack etc). Then that's out of the way for her to enjoy her evening. You could probably get someone for £25 ish

I will possibly need tp give up my school kitchen job as no-one can have dd2 from 6:45am (to get her to the same bloody school) so that I can start at 7am.

We haven't actually heard a single thing from the kitchen company about going back in though - I know I'm meant to be supervising breakfast club from 8am, and I know we're providing pack-ups because school have told me, & I work my second job for them. But we've no idea wtaf is going on kitchen wise because they have told us nothing (ordinarily, we'd be in on the training days to open up 🤷‍♀️).

So I don't know whether I need to be pleading with my friend over the road from school to have dd2, handing in my notice, or...

Honestly, at 11yo my autistic ds could be trusted to be home for 2-2.5 hrs. I'd be worried about a NT child without any anxiety/needs etc that couldn't. I'd think I'd failed as a parent in that case. It's not the evening, it's the early afternoon. It's three days a week. I think you need to examine why this is such a problem for you.

@EsmereldaMargaretNoteSpelling 5 days a week, not 3, I never said 3 days (I might have said 3pm at one point?)

Any way you could reduce it to 2-3 days a week - you said you enjoy it, so shame to stop completely. I understand why you don't want them to be alone 5 days a week. 2 or 3 would be fine though

I always wanted to be back when mine were Y7 but they grow fast and before you know it, year 8 arrives.

I'd say hang in there as hopefully after school clubs will open and she will mature quickly.

That said, I did not have the option to leave, but I think you'll regret it if you are solely drpendent on a man's income and his career.

I completely understand why you wouldn’t be willing to leave her OP. As a one off then maybe but definitely not on a regular basis for that amount of time. I’d say I’m a really relaxed parent but that just would sit right with me.

Yes she would probably be fine on a practical level but not emotionally. An 11 year old needs someone to talk to about their day, help with homework etc. There’s encouraging independence but this would be a massive step too far in my book and probably miserable for the poor girl. She is at an important age and will be having all sort of things going on at school. She needs to come home to someone, even if it’s not a parent. She’s 11!

I do, however, despair of yet another thread about a women having to run around and sort out childcare at the expense of her own job while the husband inevitably works in a Very Important Job that means he couldn’t possibly help and of course he earns so much more than the OP that he shouldn’t be the one to cut his hours.

I’m not having a go, OP, it’s just bloody depressing how often this plays out. The more the man’s career is prioritised the more the salary gap widens and it is compounded. Why are so many men in these jobs that are apparently so incompatible with family responsibilities yet women have to walk away from them if they want to have kids because, shocker, you can’t pull your weight as a parent from another country. Aggh I know this is a bit off topic but I’m just so frustrated about this, and it’s playing out on thresh after thread at the moment

I would try to find a yr11 or sixth former. They can help her with homework, will probably only need £5-7 an hour. Bonus that the homework will be done when you get home.

I agree I wouldn't leave her alone for 3 hours.
Why is a childminder not an option? My childminder has children of her age after school.

Advertise for a mother's help. You are looking for someone who can be there for a few hours, help DD start her homework, fix a snack, start dinner and even some light cleaning/tidying. They wouldn't be a stranger once you got to know them. I know a family local to me who employed a local TA to do this job and she did it for years for them until the kids were teens. Ask around as there is bound to be someone.

Op - the reduced school.hours will not be forever. They might be back to normal finish by the New Year term. If this is a temporary problem, you need to find a solution.

A mother's help would be perfect, someone in the house so she's not coming home to an empty home, who'll clean/start dinner. Or an au pair.

They will only be a stranger at first.

The longer you are there the better chance of negotiating different hours.

Look at all solutions that dont involve you giving up work. Be clear with your dh, a term time only 9-1:30pm job is unlikely to turn up, so if he's saying he won't allow a "stranger" in his house, and neither of you feel comfortable with dd staying at home alone for 3 hours each day, hes saying one of you can't work. Assume he is also saying that one is you.

I presume if he's so against home help, he's actively applying for jobs that would mean he could WFH? Or does he just presume you'll change your job or give up work with no impact on him?

Oh and you are not screwed because of school hours, you are screwed because your dh doesn't want you to use paid help.