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Is an apology enough or would you expect more?

73 replies

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow · 28/08/2020 12:30

I got married recently. It was all planned within the guidelines and with minimal people/risk - but I know some people will say we shouldn't have anyway, and I'm going to keep this short by not explaining our reasons.

To cut a long story short, the venue gave us a few dates to choose from, and specified which ones the venue would be closed for, so we'd have exclusive use. We chose one of those. We met with the venue twice after that to plan where we'd get married etc - we wanted to get married outside in the garden area. They also have a tented area but we are not keen on it.

Two hours before we got married, people started turning up at the venue to eat. Eventually it became clear that there had been a mix up, the venue was now open on those days to take part in Eat Out to Help Out, and we didn't have exclusive use. Our coordinator at the venue apologised and said she felt awful, but hadn't wanted to mention it in the morning and upset me. She said we'd "look at the invoice" later.

The general manager bought us some free drinks and we planned that any other guests that arrived would be seated inside so we could have the garden. Not what we'd planned, but fine. I went back to get ready... 45 minutes before the ceremony, it began to rain heavily and the coordinator said we'd have to get married in the tented area instead, as other guests were inside.

In the end, the registrars refused to do the service in the tents, so we got married inside the hall and moved to the tents for photos afterwards. It was unbelievably stressful, and to be honest, even walking in, I wasn't sure the wedding would actually happen. The rest of the evening went okay... but there was still a catalog of small errors. We'd paid for a wedding cake when we thought we'd have guests, so we agreed that we'd cut it for photos and then most of it would be taken inside so we could give it to the people we would have had come, but it got lost. They seem to have got confused about the drinks we'd paid for as part of the package and we ended up with a £300 bar bill on check-out, including the free drinks from the morning...

We've just heard from the coordinator. She said she felt bad again, and that they'd decided to write off the bar bill, and then asked for our help with the registry office. Husband thinks this isn't enough, and we should get some money off what we paid, as it was stressful and we didn't get what we'd agreed. I sort of agree that the bar bill doesn't really matter, there wasn't supposed to be one, and who knows who had those drinks. But I do like the venue, and I don't want to make the woman feel any worse... And they're using photos of our wedding to promote feeling like a Queen on your wedding day, which is anything but how I felt!

Would you just put it to bed now, or reply and ask for them to consider looking at the invoice, like they said they would?

OP posts:
KurriKawari · 28/08/2020 12:35

They said they'd look at the invoice and they should.

KimMarie34 · 28/08/2020 12:50

Contact Citizens Advice Consumer Service. You didn't get what you paid for and therefore you're entitled to money back as compensation. Explain this to the venue and try and sort it out with them first, but if you don't get a satisfactory answer then CitA can talk you through the law side of it.

AiryFairyMum · 28/08/2020 12:55

They made money that day from eat out to help out, so dont feel bad about asking for some of your money back.

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unmarkedbythat · 28/08/2020 12:55

You didn't get what you paid for and the 'mix up' which lead to them being open to customers and not having exclusive use is just awful. They lost your wedding cake. They tried to charge you for things you had paid for. They're using your photos as promotion. They sound absolutely awful. I would start by telling them not to use my photos, ask them to look at the invoice as previously promised, and be prepared to take further action if they are as rubbish about resolving this as they were about providing the service you paid for.

toomanyspiderplants · 28/08/2020 12:56

Yes she feels bad. .so what. its not your fault and they should def look at the invoice. sounds like a shambles and it's just not good enough on your wedding day

LemonyFace · 28/08/2020 13:05

Did I read it right? They're proposing to write off the bar bill that you weren't supposed to pay anyway? Sorry, an apology is not good enough for that catalogue of errors!!

otterbaby · 28/08/2020 13:13

Wedding coordinator here 🙋🏼‍♀️ that's a shocking compensation offer and you would be well within your rights to take this further with them. They are very clearly trying to see what they can get away with. You need to send an email outlining every single issue from the day (and what was supposed to happen) and ask to meet with the GM to discuss. Now isn't the time to be tiptoeing around the issue unfortunately. I know it's unpleasant to deal with as you'd have preferred to just have a perfect day. Would also ask them to refrain from using the photos until after this is settled.

KurriKawari · 28/08/2020 13:18

We had this when my sister got married. The venue was two floors, her wedding was on the top floor but we were time and time again told we had exclusive use of the whole venue for the whole day... on the day, there was another (much larger) wedding on the ground floor that caused so much confusion and chaos for guests, photographer, DJ etc. even thinking about it now winds me up. They're at fault and need to sort it out.

HyaluronicHippo · 28/08/2020 13:20

I’m a bit confused about the bar bill. Is it that there was an agreement to have a drinks package, or that none of your guests purchased these drinks?
The fact they charged for the ‘free drinks’ is pretty insulting and I’d be letting them know that,

listsandbudgets · 28/08/2020 13:29

so

  • You had to share your exclusive venue with random members of the public
  • They lost your cake
  • They charged you for free drinks and also for drinks you'd already paid for as part of a package

Now they're asking for your help with the registry office Confused, writing off a bill that should never have been issued in the first place and offering an apology?

Not enough by a very long way. You paid for something. You only got some of it. They should offer you a partial refund and pay for your missing cake.

Elouera · 28/08/2020 13:29

I echo what everyone else has said. Its not good enough! I agree with outlining the multiple issues and what should have happened. Did they ever find the cake? Surely that sort of thing just doesnt get lost, unless a guest stole it or someone threw it out??? Confused. I'd be fuming , and just because you like the venue should have no baring. The co-ordinator should have stepped up and expected much more on your behalf too!!!

What was the original agreement about using YOUR photos in their brochures to promote their buisiness? I would have expected to have the wedding at a vastly reduced price, if not for free!!! They would have had to hire models, pay for hair/make-up, suits, dress , cake etc etc. Did you get it already reduced, or they just expected you to agree to their use?

WindsorBlues · 28/08/2020 13:31

As PP advised I would be sending an email detailing everything that went wrong and what should have happened. A lot of emotion is involved in weddings but you need to think of it as a business transaction and they didn't hold up to there side of the bargain. You should be compensated accordingly.

Congratulations on your wedding 🥂

heartsonacake · 28/08/2020 13:42

This is awful. They essentially spoilt what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, so no, an apology is not enough.

I would also refuse to allow them to use our photos considering their shambles. The woman may be lovely but that situation isn’t acceptable.

KurriKawari · 28/08/2020 16:43

And I would only ever agree to someone using my photos if I was 100% confident that they would provide future customers with an amazing experience, otherwise I would feel like I was duping people.

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow · 28/08/2020 17:45

Thanks all! I wanted to check we weren't being totally precious...

To answer a few questions, the venue do a drinks package, because our guest numbers were really low, they were going to give everyone two free glasses of champagne, swappable for soft drinks. The first round of drinks were given out while we were signing the register, but the second didn't come out, and instead a member of staff took a drinks order from everyone, telling them it was free as we'd paid for it. We didn't know this until they tried to bill us and then we mentioned the bill to people!

I've no idea what happened to the cake. They seem to have alluded to it being eaten by the staff, but they haven't outright said that, they've just said that it's lost.

I've stopped being a wimp and sent an email detailing everything that went wrong, asking them to look at the invoice like they said they would and asking them not to use the photos to promote themselves in the meantime. We haven't really had a conversation about that at all Confused

Cross your fingers for us!

OP posts:
MushyMushi · 28/08/2020 18:54

I would seriously sue if I had to; that’s bloody awful.

Usually wedding gripes are a bit bridezillay but Christ not in this case, YANBU!

LadyCatStark · 28/08/2020 19:07

Well you’d at least expect 50% off the food bill since everyone else in the building got it! I’d also want a refund on the cake as well as the bar bill (that you shouldn’t have had) being wiped out. That would be the absolute minimum I’d accept. And I’d also tell them they need to stop using your pictures on FB. If they won’t do this I’d spam their social media with a description of how they treated you on every post that is about you.

ZenZebra · 28/08/2020 19:19

As an absolute minimum you should be given a refund for the cake and a discount for not having exclusive use of the venue.

The bar bill was never yours to begin with so that should be automatically forgotten and not included in the calculation of compensation.

Smelborp · 28/08/2020 19:24

It’s outrageous they’re using your wedding photos to promote their business. I would screenshot. Might be useful if you need to repost it with a factual list of what happened.

PurBal · 28/08/2020 19:30

Things don't always go to plan but you didn't get what you paid for: eg exclusive use. We paid an extra 20% for that privilege. I'd expect at least that (or you venues equivalent for exclusive use) plus a "gesture of goodwill"

SuzieCarmichael · 28/08/2020 19:33

Outrageous. You are being far too nice OP. They fucked up your big day right and proper! How incredibly unprofessional of them.

User43210 · 28/08/2020 21:29

Good luck, glad you emailed them.

My first question would be is there a difference in price between exclusive and not exclusive. I know there usually is but in Covid times, Was it more just a free perk, because that money should be returned straight away.

Secondly, the price of the cake should be returned or, if the cake was from the venue, they can offer a replacement to send to your guests, if you prefer.

Thirdly, them saying not to pay the bar bill is pathetic as that's their mistake completely so yes, they shouldn't ask you and no, that's not money back.

Definitely they should be paying compensation and it should be completely up to you if you want them to use your pictures or not.

Sorry you had such an ordeal but they say it's about the marriage not the wedding and welcome to married life!!! I hope you can have a big party with all friends and family and really enjoy it when all this is over.

ChateauMargaux · 28/08/2020 21:53

They totally messed up your wedding, lost your cake and charged you for drinks.

You paid for a package that included drinks,, a cake and exclusive use of the venue. You got none of these yet they charged you for drinks having told the guests that these had been paid for.

I would argue that you pay for the drinks, including the ones in the morning, but only after they have refunded you the rest of the costs!!

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow · 03/09/2020 11:45

They’ve rejected our request to look at the invoice. The wedding coordinator says she has looked for the cakes but can’t find them, or the parcel. She feels they went “above and beyond” on the day after the error was discovered, by cancelling some evening bookings and moving around guests to let us use the inside area. I’ve no idea if they had evening bookings, it was raining and we were shoved outside anyway, but we were supposed to have exclusive use...

She’s offered to write off the bar bill, and give us a free meal... to be honest, we don’t really want one. We go frequently, maybe once a week, but I’m not sure we’ll continue now. It’s not too close to home; we just liked it.

I’m in two minds about whether to give up and leave it as somewhere we can go once in a while, when this is less of a sore point, or whether we should push back and take it to small claims if necessary.

Eurgh Angry

OP posts:
ChanceEncounter · 03/09/2020 11:51

You don't have to decide instantly, take a few days to reflect. But tell them absolutely clearly you don't agree to them using your image for any publicity.

You were very badly treated I think, sounds poor.