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Is an apology enough or would you expect more?

73 replies

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow · 28/08/2020 12:30

I got married recently. It was all planned within the guidelines and with minimal people/risk - but I know some people will say we shouldn't have anyway, and I'm going to keep this short by not explaining our reasons.

To cut a long story short, the venue gave us a few dates to choose from, and specified which ones the venue would be closed for, so we'd have exclusive use. We chose one of those. We met with the venue twice after that to plan where we'd get married etc - we wanted to get married outside in the garden area. They also have a tented area but we are not keen on it.

Two hours before we got married, people started turning up at the venue to eat. Eventually it became clear that there had been a mix up, the venue was now open on those days to take part in Eat Out to Help Out, and we didn't have exclusive use. Our coordinator at the venue apologised and said she felt awful, but hadn't wanted to mention it in the morning and upset me. She said we'd "look at the invoice" later.

The general manager bought us some free drinks and we planned that any other guests that arrived would be seated inside so we could have the garden. Not what we'd planned, but fine. I went back to get ready... 45 minutes before the ceremony, it began to rain heavily and the coordinator said we'd have to get married in the tented area instead, as other guests were inside.

In the end, the registrars refused to do the service in the tents, so we got married inside the hall and moved to the tents for photos afterwards. It was unbelievably stressful, and to be honest, even walking in, I wasn't sure the wedding would actually happen. The rest of the evening went okay... but there was still a catalog of small errors. We'd paid for a wedding cake when we thought we'd have guests, so we agreed that we'd cut it for photos and then most of it would be taken inside so we could give it to the people we would have had come, but it got lost. They seem to have got confused about the drinks we'd paid for as part of the package and we ended up with a £300 bar bill on check-out, including the free drinks from the morning...

We've just heard from the coordinator. She said she felt bad again, and that they'd decided to write off the bar bill, and then asked for our help with the registry office. Husband thinks this isn't enough, and we should get some money off what we paid, as it was stressful and we didn't get what we'd agreed. I sort of agree that the bar bill doesn't really matter, there wasn't supposed to be one, and who knows who had those drinks. But I do like the venue, and I don't want to make the woman feel any worse... And they're using photos of our wedding to promote feeling like a Queen on your wedding day, which is anything but how I felt!

Would you just put it to bed now, or reply and ask for them to consider looking at the invoice, like they said they would?

OP posts:
Lsquiggles · 03/09/2020 11:59

The staff ate your wedding cake? Shock

nosswith · 03/09/2020 12:04

Even if you end up donating it to charity, I still think there should be a further reduction.

finished31 · 03/09/2020 12:05

@IfYouCouldSeeMeNow

They’ve rejected our request to look at the invoice. The wedding coordinator says she has looked for the cakes but can’t find them, or the parcel. She feels they went “above and beyond” on the day after the error was discovered, by cancelling some evening bookings and moving around guests to let us use the inside area. I’ve no idea if they had evening bookings, it was raining and we were shoved outside anyway, but we were supposed to have exclusive use...

She’s offered to write off the bar bill, and give us a free meal... to be honest, we don’t really want one. We go frequently, maybe once a week, but I’m not sure we’ll continue now. It’s not too close to home; we just liked it.

I’m in two minds about whether to give up and leave it as somewhere we can go once in a while, when this is less of a sore point, or whether we should push back and take it to small claims if necessary.

Eurgh Angry

This is appalling. You need to take this further so nobody else is treated this way.

Covid or not they should have always had a plan B.

Congratulations anyways.

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Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/09/2020 12:08

Thats some pretty big fuck ups on their part. I would be taking it further. I would definitely looking for a refund for the cake at the very least.

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2020 12:10

I wouldn’t take it to small claims, that seems excessive. I get your pissed off and errros were made, but prolonging it to go to court is pointless.

steppemum · 03/09/2020 12:17

I would take it to the small claims court. It is not a complicated process and is entirely for this type of situation.

I would write back, detailing again what went wrong, and saying you are not satisfied. It is always helpful to say what you want from it, so I would say something like.

  1. The bar bill is not ours, but is due to your mistake over free drinks. Offering to write this off is not compensation, it is your mistake, we are not paying it.
  2. The lost cake, this is a value of xxx and we expect you to pay for it.
  3. Compensation for loss of exclusive use and the mix up over tented area etc spoilt our wedding and caused a very stressful day. It was not what we paid for. We expect 20% (or whatever) off the invoice to compensate for this.

then be clear that you will not let it go, and will pursue it to the small claims court.

They have made money by letting the venue for the eat out scheme. I am sympathetic to the struggles of the business, but they were greedy and it back fired on them.

Quirrelsotherface · 03/09/2020 12:29

The cake issue alone is fucking disgusting. It was wedding cake! And all they can say is we've looked and we can't find it. Sorry, what?! If everything is exactly as you've said here then you need to name and shame. So that you get your money back but also to prevent some other poor sod going through the same thing.

steppemum · 03/09/2020 12:30

Just also check, is this person the right one to talk to? As the wedding co-ordinator, does she have the clout to give you a discount? I might cc the letter to the restaurant manager/owner. I wonder if she is trying to get away with it.

mrbob · 03/09/2020 12:38

@Bluntness100

I wouldn’t take it to small claims, that seems excessive. I get your pissed off and errros were made, but prolonging it to go to court is pointless.
Excessive?! They completely ballsed up the entire wedding and are now trying to make out it was no big deal and that they did their best. Well the best didn’t get anywhere near back to what they paid for
LimpidPools · 03/09/2020 12:43

Somebody knows perfectly well where that cake went OP. Probably they all know, especially if they ate it.

I think steppemum has given you excellent advice. Absolutely pursue this. If you get financial compensation, it night help you to make peace with the day not having gone as you planned. If you leave it as is, I think you will regret it and look back on things with mixed feelings for years.

As for taking it to the small claims court being too much fuss, nope. This is exactly what it's for - to give us recourse when people/businesses are acting like twats. Which your venue absolutely are.

Palavah · 03/09/2020 12:44

Agree that their response is rubbish.

Have they taken your photos off their promotional material, social media etc?

What was the agreed venue in case of rain, if you had booked the garden area?

Congrats on your marriage!

Queenoftheashes · 03/09/2020 12:46

They ate your wedding cake op. That is beyond the pale. I can’t believe they have the gall to use your images - surely they expect a frosty comment or two on Instagram?
I think you should take this as far as possible - they owe you money and are trying to con you by writing off a fake bill.
I also think you should name and shame here and now mainly so I make sure I don’t end up booking a wedding there!!

QualityFeet · 03/09/2020 12:50

Don’t let this go. Email as above and make sure you go to staff higher up. 50% discount minimum I would go for, the coordinator did say they would look at the invoice. They were awful!

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow · 03/09/2020 12:51

Thanks all, I feel a bit more proactive and a bit less rage-y now!

To answer a few questions...

I might cc the letter to the restaurant manager/owner. I wonder if she is trying to get away with it.

I know the owner on a professional basis, I have his email and phone number. I haven't contacted him yet, but I'm really tempted. I didn't want to be rude to the wedding coordinator, but she really isn't helping...

Have they taken your photos off their promotional material, social media etc?
They haven't used them on social media since we asked them to refrain, and they've taken them off the website. I'd imagine that they are still in the brochures.

What was the agreed venue in case of rain, if you had booked the garden area?
We had to book exclusive use of the whole place, just incase. It was all supposed to be closed because of Coronavirus, although I don't know if there was a reduction in cost because of this. The invoice doesn't mention one.

Thanks @steppemum, I'm going to use your format to write a response once I'm less annoyed, and give them a final opportunity to fix things. I didn't want thousands back, but I thought they'd offer us something based on all the stress and mess ups.

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 03/09/2020 12:56

I was going to say you should go ballistic, and then I read your update... Shock

They’ve rejected your request to look at the invoice? They SUGGESTED you look at the invoice afterwards!
The wedding coordinator feels they went "above and beyond" on the day after the error was discovered, by cancelling some evening bookings and moving around guests to let us use the inside area.

'let you use' it? THEY FAILED to tell you you didn't have exclusive use. And not by mistake: she KNEW about this, and admitted she didn't mention it. Because she might 'upset' you.

Well, now she definitely has upset you, hasn't she? And no doubt confused and bewildered and possibly pissed off your guests too.

She’s offered to write off the bar bill, and give us a free meal Fuck that. They should write off everything, and stick their free meal up their arse. Tell them that. They straight up LIED to you about the terms of your wedding venue hire.

I take it you didn't have a contract, or not one that specified exclusive use? Because you could really go to town if you did. But in any case you seriously need to ride their arses over this.

I don't want to make the woman feel any worse She should feel fucking bad. I'll say it again: she LIED to you. In the nicest way, you need to grow up and stand up for yourself.

For starters, tell them to cease using photos of the wedding for their own promotion.

Then tear them a new one. Seriously.

Littlepaws18 · 03/09/2020 13:00

I think you should take them to the small claims court. They broke their agreement if an exclusive hire of the venue. It wasn't a mistake. They chose to open the restaurant and broke their contractual agreement with you. Loosing the cake, the tent issue. They sound incredibly unprofessional.

CousinDolores · 03/09/2020 13:00

I would skip the Wedding Co Ordinator and go to the General Manager. Not only is she unauthorised to issue refunds or compensation, she's the one in direct line for a serious bollocking for the mismanagement.

She misplaced a wedding cake?!

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 03/09/2020 13:04

They sound like they shouldn't be put within a 10 mile radius of event planning.

I would be threatening the worst review of their lives and a real stink on sm platforms.

Absolutely disgraceful.

The least they should be doing is slashing the invoice massively and begging your forgiveness.

Did your wedding gain from the eat out discount too?

Nikori · 03/09/2020 13:09

I think if I were you, I'd call the actual manager and ask for a meeting.

It sounds to me like the wedding coordinator is trying to cover up her balls up.

This really isn't good enough. You need to be firm with them. This is business.

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2020 13:10

The Covid thing does put a different spin on it. What is the normal price for exclusive use of the venue versus what you paid? What is the normal price for non exclusive versus what you paid? What was the wording in the contract say regarding exclusive use? Did it mention Covid?

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2020 13:11

I’d also say if this is quite a big venue, which it sounds the exclusive use would normally be very very expensive, because it means you basically need to compensate for all other lost revenue.

Are you sure the contract said exclusive use! With no caveats?

IntermittentParps · 03/09/2020 13:12

The Covid thing does put a different spin on it
It really doesn't. The agreement was exclusive use. The coordinator elected not to tell the OP that this wasn't actually the case. ELECTED not to. She didn't make a mistake. She made a conscious choice.

Juanmorebeer · 03/09/2020 13:18

OP sorry you had such a stressful time! It isn't that long since I got married and I read through everything you put thinking how I would feel if it had been us and I would be furious.

I'd be pushing for some serious financial compensation here as you basically had absolutely nothing you had agreed on.

It is outrageous that they opened for Eat out to help out customers on the day too, I bet you anything they will be claiming the £10 per head for every single one of your wedding party too.

They need to cover the entire cost of the cake.

I'd send a full breakdown of everything you told us in the OP and also reiterate you do not consent to them using your photos on any promotional material.

Then state what amount you want back for instance a discount off the whole amount for the inconvenience + full cake costs + full bar bill and then a financial gesture.

If they refuse then I'd go small claims court to get the money back.

I don't often complain about anything but this takes the piss.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 03/09/2020 13:21

I'd go to small claims. Wouldn't go back there again, either.

rooarsome · 03/09/2020 13:22

Sounds like the wedding co-ordinator is trying to cover her own back. I would definitely take this further by first meeting with the GM/owner and if no luck by going to small claims.

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