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Is an apology enough or would you expect more?

73 replies

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow · 28/08/2020 12:30

I got married recently. It was all planned within the guidelines and with minimal people/risk - but I know some people will say we shouldn't have anyway, and I'm going to keep this short by not explaining our reasons.

To cut a long story short, the venue gave us a few dates to choose from, and specified which ones the venue would be closed for, so we'd have exclusive use. We chose one of those. We met with the venue twice after that to plan where we'd get married etc - we wanted to get married outside in the garden area. They also have a tented area but we are not keen on it.

Two hours before we got married, people started turning up at the venue to eat. Eventually it became clear that there had been a mix up, the venue was now open on those days to take part in Eat Out to Help Out, and we didn't have exclusive use. Our coordinator at the venue apologised and said she felt awful, but hadn't wanted to mention it in the morning and upset me. She said we'd "look at the invoice" later.

The general manager bought us some free drinks and we planned that any other guests that arrived would be seated inside so we could have the garden. Not what we'd planned, but fine. I went back to get ready... 45 minutes before the ceremony, it began to rain heavily and the coordinator said we'd have to get married in the tented area instead, as other guests were inside.

In the end, the registrars refused to do the service in the tents, so we got married inside the hall and moved to the tents for photos afterwards. It was unbelievably stressful, and to be honest, even walking in, I wasn't sure the wedding would actually happen. The rest of the evening went okay... but there was still a catalog of small errors. We'd paid for a wedding cake when we thought we'd have guests, so we agreed that we'd cut it for photos and then most of it would be taken inside so we could give it to the people we would have had come, but it got lost. They seem to have got confused about the drinks we'd paid for as part of the package and we ended up with a £300 bar bill on check-out, including the free drinks from the morning...

We've just heard from the coordinator. She said she felt bad again, and that they'd decided to write off the bar bill, and then asked for our help with the registry office. Husband thinks this isn't enough, and we should get some money off what we paid, as it was stressful and we didn't get what we'd agreed. I sort of agree that the bar bill doesn't really matter, there wasn't supposed to be one, and who knows who had those drinks. But I do like the venue, and I don't want to make the woman feel any worse... And they're using photos of our wedding to promote feeling like a Queen on your wedding day, which is anything but how I felt!

Would you just put it to bed now, or reply and ask for them to consider looking at the invoice, like they said they would?

OP posts:
Spandang · 03/09/2020 13:34

Events manager here.

That’s shocking. Truly shocking.

Does your contract specify exclusive use?

Did you receive any paperwork, function sheet or banqueting order that details where the ceremony would be held?

Did the registrar specify why they wouldn’t hold the ceremony in the tent (I am wondering if that space isn’t part of their licences premises or if they didn’t deem it to be covid secure and if so why the wedding coordinator wasn’t honest with you at the time)

I certainly wouldn’t be paying for drinks and that isn’t compensation. They can’t compensate you by giving you something you didn’t order, for free. I’d ask her where the signed authorisation sheet is that details you’ve agreed to an account and set up to what value. There won’t be one.

Does the venue belong to any professional organisations or associations? Because most of those professional memberships come with a code they have to adhere to and for mine, what they’ve done falls well short.

I would escalate it. If you don’t get a response I would make a complaint to any professional bodies they are registered with. I would also send them a letter to say you intend to take them to small claims court.

Because no wedding venue, would want a story like this getting out.

The cake. Staff do eat wedding cake. But the protocol is to always check first what you want to do with it.

In the current circumstances of Covid Secure compliance the onus would be on them to serve the cake to guests in line with covid secure advice. So I’d be asking them where my cake is, and why they haven’t followed instructions that we’re given.

I’d also be questioning covid secure compliance if they have an event for 30 guests and EOTHO/restaurant service in areas that cross over.

It’s not clear from your posts whether people for EOTHO were seated inside afterwards so that you could have the garden, or if it was your guests. But when you went inside were you then moved into the space of EOTHO diners or was it another space?

Everything you’ve described doesn’t sound like a planned wedding it sounds like a venue that forgot you were coming (to be honest) and I’m livid for you Flowers

steppemum · 03/09/2020 14:07

sorry IntermittentParps but if you go in all guns blazing and furious, you won't get the reply you want.
In these situations it is always better to be business like, and to state what it is you want from the venue.

From your last post, I would say that the wedding coordinator has nessed up here, and I wonder if the general manager is aware.
So I would now be involving him too.

IntermittentParps · 03/09/2020 14:21

Sorry steppemum but I disagree. The events manager above sounds like she thinks the OP should be livid and should escalate it.
That's what I'm saying too.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

finished31 · 03/09/2020 14:23

Absolutely go to owners/manager.

Co-ordinator cheeky bitch probably doesn't want the conflict. Well she can fuck off!

steppemum · 03/09/2020 15:35

@IntermittentParps

Sorry steppemum but I disagree. The events manager above sounds like she thinks the OP should be livid and should escalate it. That's what I'm saying too.
The events mamager's post is fatcual, business like and calls the restaurant to account. States what outco shmee wants.

Which is what I said, business like.

Your post is just all guns blazing and anger. That doesn't get results.
I very clearly said in my posts that she should escalate, but don't confuse escalating and getting results with being angry.

PicaK · 03/09/2020 15:46

I had stuff like this on my wedding day.

My advice would be to write it off, accept the free meal offer (with drinks).

Not because you're being unreasonable but because this is your wedding.

IntermittentParps · 03/09/2020 15:51

don't confuse escalating and getting results with being angry.
Thank you for that patronising advice, steppemum.
My tone is angry for the OP in my post, yes. Justifiably IMO. But I don't know how you surmise from that that I don't think the OP should go the 'businesslike' route of talking to the manager/going to small claims.

OhYeahYouSuck · 03/09/2020 16:39

Yeah I'd reply to the coordinator to inform her that you have given her the opportunity to make things right after the shambles of the day, co-ordinated by her, but now you have no option but to contact the manager, who you know on a professional basis. Then do exactly that. She had her chance and she's blown it. I bet she thinks you will go away quietly. People always do but when you push, you tend to get results.

Itsrainingnotmen · 03/09/2020 16:44

When it all dies down you give them an honest review....
After you have received your money back.
All of it imo.

MJMG2015 · 03/09/2020 16:48

@OhYeahYouSuck

Yeah I'd reply to the coordinator to inform her that you have given her the opportunity to make things right after the shambles of the day, co-ordinated by her, but now you have no option but to contact the manager, who you know on a professional basis. Then do exactly that. She had her chance and she's blown it. I bet she thinks you will go away quietly. People always do but when you push, you tend to get results.
^^ that. Exactly that!
MrsSchadenfreude · 03/09/2020 16:52

I had a wedding where everything went wrong - this is what happened and what we got:

Car broke down in the churchyard. It had taken me to the church but wouldn’t start to take us to the reception. Unreserved apologies, a complete refund, and an offer of a vintage car to hire for the day at a later date.

None of the big group photos (so friends and extended family) came out, although all of the couple/immediate family/wedding party and reception photos were great. No charge and a refund of the deposit we paid.

There was a cock up at the reception and they hadn’t prepared the veggie option. They pulled something together quickly, but the veggies had to wait longer for their main course (the starter was veggie anyway). They only charged us cost for the Champagne that we had had on arrival and for the toast, which was a massive reduction.

In every case, we got apologies and an attempt to put things as right as they could.

CausingChaos2 · 03/09/2020 16:58

What a load of unnecessary stress OP. I hope you still managed to have a lovely day.

IntermittentParps Your post did come across as OTT and err, a bit over invested. If OP lashes out like that I doubt the venue will want to appease her. Polite, firm and factual is the way to go.

MrsWhites · 03/09/2020 17:18

I agree with those who say you should keep your time professional and to the point, going in all guns blazing won’t help you if you do need to take it further.

I’d start by pointing out to the wedding co-ordinator that she didn’t ‘let you’ use the indoor area, you paid to hire it and that your hire of this area was impeded by them using it for restaurant guests.

They lost/ate your property which they will have to compensate you for at the very least, unfortunately her ‘looking for it’ doesn’t really cut it!

Your case will be helped substantially if you have in writing that the venue would be exclusively for your use. If so, by using it as a restaurant they broke the contact they had with you rather than made a mistake!

seven201 · 03/09/2020 17:18

Blimey. That's awful. Pursue it but don't let it make you hate your wedding day.

Our venue (pretty building on a river with beautiful windows) had scaffolding put up all over it the month before our wedding. We were lucky as we asked for compensation and got it but the daily mail had pictures of sad face couples who had been refused compensation for their 'ruined day'. I really felt for them. I guess we must have just got in quick enough and were lucky. Meant we got a nicer honeymoon.

occa · 03/09/2020 17:28

Holy cow, I'm usually really (too) laid back about events and planning, but this is outrageous!

You need to write down everything that went wrong and whose responsibility it was.

Sounds like the venue and the wedding coordinator both hold a fair bit of blame here.

At the very very least they need to give you a whacking great discount off the venue fee because it was non-exclusive use instead of exclusive. They need to get your pictures off their promotional material immediately, and they need to give you a full refund plus compensation for the cost of your cake!

Shocking.

WendyHoused · 03/09/2020 17:36

I bet they damaged or dropped the cake. No one “loses” a wedding cake, ffs.

Absolutely take this further with the general manager. Quite frankly, paying any part of this disastrous bill would be generous of you.

BorisTheBellend · 03/09/2020 17:37

Oh wow the coordinator is really chancing her arm and hoping you'll go away quietly, isn't she? Definitely don't give up with this, they fucked up and are probably getting 50% of the cost of your wedding food back from the government on top of charging you for the mess they made.

2bazookas · 03/09/2020 17:38

I'd pay for the food. They should deduct everything else from their charges, by way of apology for their appalling service.

I would NOT allow them to use your pics to advertise ; surely you don't want to help them sucker another bride

Gazelda · 03/09/2020 18:14

Did you find out what the problem was with the registrar? Was the tent not licensed? When you were married in the hall, I presume it was seated, decorated etc to the same standard you had been promised outside? If not, and they simply found a space that would 'do' then you should add this to the list of issues.
Raise them all factually, in writing, to the GM.

I'd normally say put this down to corona chaos and none of this will matter in 5 years time. It's the marriage that counts etc. But what they delivered is so far removed from acceptable that I think you should expect recompense.

Viviennemary · 03/09/2020 18:22

They made an absolute mess of things. You didn't get what was agreed and paid for. I think you should be getting a hefty discount. Just don't pay the bill till they come up with something better. A free meal. I know where I'd tell them to stick that. Outraged on your behalf.

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow · 18/09/2020 19:46

Thank you all for the advice Flowers

I sent a LBA to the manager last week. He called today, he was a bit shocked at what had happened and said usually he's really involved in weddings but he wasn't at the moment due to family reasons. He didn't seem aware of everything that had happened. He's offered 25% of the costs back... Husband thinks we should accept because we did have a lovely day and we're very happy to be married, and he doesn't want it to become a battle. He might be right.

I heard today that two of our suppliers complained about what had happened, so maybe that helped, too!

I thought I'd update just incase anyone checks back.

OP posts:
AmIAWeed · 19/09/2020 08:33

I think 25% is fair if you are happy and wait to still be able to go.
We had so much crap on our day thanks to the venue whose only response was 'were moving house and were stressed, you can't blame us' erm...yes I can!!! It's our village restaurant and we haven't stepped foot in there since. Stupidly because it was all local we had a quote but not a contract so the wedding insurance wasn't interested. My husband gets annoyed when I talk about how crap it was because as far as he's concerned were married and that's all that matters. I see the £17k spent and think if all he wanted was to be married a chuffin registry office would have done!
Either way, 25% seems to be a good gesture without burning bridges there and allowing you to focus on the good bits of the day

Bulblasagne · 19/09/2020 08:37

I'm astonished op, this is dreadful amateur time. This was your wedding day.

I would be demanding my photos taken down what a cheek to add insult to injury.

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