Have the government forgotten about grandparents?

[Argeles]

My parents usually look after our children while my Husband and I go to work (pre-lockdown).

As we are a couple and my parents are a couple, we are not allowed to form a bubble.

So, what will happen on the 1st September when my Husband and I have to physically return to work?

My parents are very concerned about breaking the ‘bubble’ rules, and we are very worried as we have no other childcare options. I know of at least 7 other families in my DD’s class who are in the same situation too, and know there will be many, many more across the country.

Is a government announcement on this imminent, or have grandparents been forgotten about??? I can’t believe there hasn’t been any information on this!

Why have you left it until now to try to sort this out?

You need to find a nanny.

I wouldn't be happy to discover that my children's teachers were all teaching over iPads. It isn't the same and you should have organised childcare when they announced schools would be returning!

TBH, I think grandparents HAVE been forgotten.
Remember when someone asked the Gov (was it Boris?), whether they could hug their grandchildren now, and he mentioned support bubbles, but commentators actually pointed out afterwards that this was actually not the case.
I understand it as, technically your parents are in a support bubble with your Nan. This then counts as one household.
Theoretically, your parents could then meet 'another household' (aka your children), but maintain social distancing rules - obviously not a goer with children. And in your case your parents are reluctant to take the risk of passing on any infection to your Nan.
Maybe there has been some update since then, but I can't find it.

@Carycy

My post is criticising the government response, or lack of. I am not expecting the government to pay for childcare for me.

I agree that you have left it too late to look for alternatives.

You said a mum from the school would be willing to drop her and pick her up? Could you sweaten the deal and offer payment and set up an official arrangement? Like another poster mentioned look for a nursery/childmindee near your place of employment. You seem to have buried your head in the sand and assumed when the world gets back to work you won't have to be joining them. As someone who has had to completely re jig and re organise childcare to ensure I'm in the office. I think you're looking a an easy solution that suits you but not your employer and not the 160 students you teach.

The government has clearly spoken. They've said what the rules are it's now up to you to decide how that effects you and what steps your going to take. We cannot expect the government to hold our hand and make every decision for us.

At this stage people need to be weighing up their personal circumstances rather than blanket rules. Grandparents could be 46 and super healthy or 85 and frail. Around the country risk varies too and we have different attitudes too. I've weighed all this up with my parents and they have been seeing us for a month.

My bil's mil has already said her and fil (both 70s, and they get paid) still want to mind the kids, that they're just going to face it whereas our ils are relieved we've said we'll be going back to sd. (I'm a sahm but mil even said if she had been minding we'd have to get a minder now). I think it's personal responsibility now, but giving people the freedom to say no if they're worried. (In Ireland btw, awaiting confirmation from primary schools that they haven't really changed much compared to secondary and we're about to have to just brace ourselves)

What exactly were your parents doing before? Were you dropping the kids off at crack of dawn at their house? You mention the bus. You weren't expecting your mum to take the bus and be at yours by 6:45, were you?!

If you only went back in Jan, after five years at home as a SAHM, then I'm not sure this is entirely about covid (though am sure your parents don't want to get or risk transmitting their virus). Maybe you just haven't yet figured out how difficult it is for both parents to work full-time or almost full-time without flexibility in hours. We have always offset our hours, so for years I left the house at 6:45 when the children were asleep but was back for 3:30. My husband took them to nursery at 9:30 and then came home at 7. We both worked in the evenings. This is how you manage with the 6-7 hours a day that most schools and some nurseries provide, if you can't afford a nanny. We could, just about, but would have been screwed if the nanny went on maternity leave or was ill. Also, you aren't going to find many nannies who will start work at 6:45! My friends who have big corporate jobs all have more than one kind of childcare going, e.g. a live-in au pair and full-time nursery, so the au pair gets up early and takes the children in but then has until school pick-up free. I know one couple who have two nannies. (They're both partners at a consulting firm.)

Anyway, it's all very hard, and tough to coincide returning to work for the first time after having kids with the pandemic. Would you consider moving house to be closer to the school or, perhaps better, moving jobs? I don't think that you can expect your parents to sort this even if there's a vaccine tomorrow. Maybe they're not up for those kinds of hours indefinitely?

Your financial problems seem very sudden. Do you want to tell us anything about that? Is there any possibility of your parents helping here so that you could go part time and leave later in the morning? Or could you do private tutoring or some other job? Remember that teaching has very fixed hours and low flexibility and is not nearly as well paid as many jobs that are more parent-friendly, if less rewarding. (I teach in a university. Half term is a major fucker.) You could always go back to teaching later and do something else now, like editing online or tutoring.

I would just like to say thank you so much for all of the helpful and supportive comments that most of you have made this morning on this thread.

I am not at all surprised to see however that some posters' responses just have such an angry and accusatory tone to them, and it's evident that some haven't read my post or further comments properly.

It is for the above reason that I gave up completely on Mumsnet for about 18 months and had only just returned. It gets to the point on here where the negativity just counteracts the positivity, and for someone who suffers with anxiety, this is not a good thing. I am now going to leave this thread while I can still take positivity with me.

@noitsachicken

You have left this very late to organise! Your parents don’t want to provide childcare, but it sounds like you are just hoping they will change their mind when they are forced into a corner! Why would your school be happy with you teaching online when all the children are in school? Who will supervise the class? Either one of you gives up work or you have just over a week to find a nanny or childminder! Good luck!

This. It sounds like you have spent the summer just hoping this will magically fix itself.

In England to children still have to socially distance? In Scotland that rule got dropped months ago and under 12s no longer need to SD which meant childcare for us could start back

I can't imagine that your school would be happy with you teaching online unless you had to due to being in quarantine. Surely it's not intended for staff who havent organised childcare despite having months to do so? The school would need to arrange cover to supervise all your classes and its hardly fair on your pupils.

We have changed our lives and work patterns so that grandparent childcare isn’t needed. I have gone down to 2 days from 3 and DH has arranged to do school drop off and pick up on those days. We don’t want to put GPs at risk and I don’t think you should put them in a position where they don’t want to but have to say no to you. That would be really difficult for them.
It’s tough because workplaces aren’t all flexible.

Unemployment is high - look for a nanny. The main thing is that you trust them and you are running out of time to hire and settle them in. 4 days a week is basically full time on the hours you need. It's an early start so if you have space live in might be better. Once youngest is 3 and has 30 free hours, an au pair would work great for you.

I don't think this is a negative or hostile thread. You've been given some good advice and this is a situation where your children's well-being is at stake. Protesting that you have an anxiety disorder and putting your head back in the sand isn't going to sort out problems that are very common, and which have solutions.

Also, no way will your school let you teach online because you don't have childcare! Quarantine is a completely different (and time-limited thing). If I were you, I would try to make use of the responses here and take some ownership of the fact that you and your husband have left this all very very late.

@latticechaos

Hahaha - the op HAS now said she wants to teach online. So I have to give of apology to *@reefedsail*

How can you teach online op when schools are back??

This was also mentioned up thread - quite a big apology due I think

Au pair after they have isolated for 14 days?

Not sure what you want to happen here. It's not about the rules - you can break those if you want. It's about risk to your parents. The government can't do anything about that. We all have to get back to. Or Mak - the elderly may be impacted for sometime yet. You either have to make alternative arrangements or put your parents at risk. The government can't help with that one

@hopsalong

I don't think this is a negative or hostile thread. You've been given some good advice and this is a situation where your children's well-being is at stake. Protesting that you have an anxiety disorder and putting your head back in the sand isn't going to sort out problems that are very common, and which have solutions.

Also, no way will your school let you teach online because you don't have childcare! Quarantine is a completely different (and time-limited thing). If I were you, I would try to make use of the responses here and take some ownership of the fact that you and your husband have left this all very very late.

Agree, you have left it very late. Your parents need to decide whether they want to see your nan or care for your kids as they obviously can’t do both. As for bubbles and rules, I see people doing whatever they have to to work.

TBF it is a pretty ridiculous thing for the OP to think would be possible, so I understand why @latticechaos would be somewhat incredulous having missed the earlier reference to it.

If your children are so young you will need someone to care for them while you work even if it’s remote. It’s a huge ask of school to let you teach remotely, and if you throw in having two small children disrupting you, it’s completely unrealistic. I agree with PPs that it sounds like you’ve just buried your head in the sand and hoped your parents would change their minds but I don’t think they will or should to be honest, they need to prioritise themselves and their elderly relative. You need to take decisive action and fast, you have literally a week and a bit to sort this out. Have you thought about any of the practical suggestions for childcare suggested on this thread? Good luck and I hope you get something sorted.

OP I can't beleive you are happy about your children being with their grandparents as you are secondary teachers. We are both as well, and we are using hte next week to see family as no one in my family will see us once we are back; the risk is far to great. Espeically with your Nan. I'm actually gobsmacked.

We had school transport etc planned in June (mine are older and do not need care) but still need hep getting to school to avoid buses. So we planned for it.

I wonder if you and your parents realise the current government guidance is just that - GUIDANCE and not law (unless in an area of increased lockdown measures)(although gatherings of over 30 are still against the law everywhere) Therefor it is up to you and your parents to weigh up the risks V benefits and come to a decision yourself. I can see why your decision may well be that the risks of your parents having dc is too great. That risk however wouldn't change if the government tomorrow made a specific announcement saying grandparents could look after grandchildren though would it? So wiating for some sort of magic announcement from the government is a bit of a red herring.
I would agree with others that really you need to sort alternative chilcare ASAP.
As a parent I would be fairly pissed off if my dc teacher was teaching on line via a whiteboard because they hadn't sorted childcare when other teachers were present and teaching normally.

I know grandparents that are looking after children, if it’s ok for a single grandparent to bubble up then doesn’t logically make a difference if there is a second grandparent in the house. If that couple are doing all the same things and limiting other contacts it’s the same risk surely.

I know bubbles were meant for single people to help with mental health issues but millions need grandparents to work, logically you can’t just apply this to only grandparents who are widowed!

We have resumed grandparent care as of June, but my in laws were desperate to have her back at that point so they made their own decision.

It is insanely difficult to balance childcare needs and paying the mortgage OP, I sympathise. We were only able to afford to have children because of MIL’s kind offer of free childcare. I imagine you were only able to return to work following your parents’ offer.

For the school age child could your friend do the longer hours for some extra cash?

For the 2.5 year old you’ve got to survive until the 30 hours kicks in; maybe 6-9 months depending on birthday. Could you advertise locally for a gap year student etc? Or look into a nursery close to your school?