If you have genuinely delightful children...

[OhTheTrees]

You know the ones. They're bright (as in, sparky), polite, calm, yet can still have fun...

How did you get that??? What do you do as a parent?

I feel like my kids have real potential to be just delightful and "lovely", but, especially over lockdown, they've been a little too...indulged? They are a bit too loud indoors, a bit too cheeky (not really rude or downright naughty, just a bit too "chummy" with us, taking things too far), they fight more than they should these days... they are so giddy around people having been isolated so long, that now they are almost at the stage of being annoying little show-offs when we do meet up with people...

And i KNOW it is my job to turn this around (and DH, but I'm a sahm so with them a lot more), but it feels like a big task to halt this train before they become actually badly behaved. They are sweet kids, who were gentle and kind babies and toddlers, but i feel like I'm watching them become the kind of kids I don't want them to be, and it's my responsibility!

I was so on it before lockdown, but keeping up 24/7 discipline/ routine has been HARD when we're all shut in together for so long with no break, and i had a baby in lockdown which threw things for a loop as well.

How do i salvage my kids so that they are delightful company for both us at home and the outside world when we re-emerge into society properly?! I'm overwhelmed.

Ages are 5, 2 and coming up to 6 months (though the baby isn't giving us much cause for concern so far )

And whilst a lot of it does come down to luck and personality (you can be lucky with one great kid who is just amenable), a lot of it can be helped by parenting. I’ve got five of the blighters, and they’re all very different, but all very lovely. Even the obnoxious teen was only really obnoxious at home - so everyone else still told me how lovely and polite she was She’s not obnoxious anymore though now the hormones have settled.

My dd (13), is... well, she’s the child who other parents want as their child’s friend. She’s polite, funny, charming, hardworking, articulate, etc.

She has also been spoiled since the second she exited the womb. She’s my fourth, and my baby... her older siblings all adore her. We call her the family’s luxury extra, as she’s expensive, unnecessary, unjustifiable, but does make our life better.

So spoiling your child blind might be the answer

For the record, my other three children are amazing too. They just wouldn’t necessarily be described as ‘genuinely delightful’.

My child is like this in every way. He's always been like this, it's just his personality. I feel like I've not had to parent him so I don't take any credit.

Luck.

I'm not an amazing parent. I was given children with great temperaments (so far) in that regard.

Yes I a lovely polite, calm but fun child, i also have a maniac child, he’s full of fun and mischief but exhausting, luck of the draw!

DS(16) is that child fuck knows how

Basically I did the exact opposite to the way I was raised. We have few boundaries but those are set in stone. We've therefore never been the moany parents constantly on his case (though as an only child we haven't had to deal with sibling rivalry) We have always insisted on good manners and hard work and have consistently praised or punished as needed. Looking back we've actually had very few punishments, but we have always carried them through.

Like a PP commented, we are also lucky that DS attends a high achieving school where good behaviour is expected. Having them on the same hymn sheet is invaluable IMO.

We've also encouraged independence from a young age which has fostered self confidence and a quiet self belief.

We live in a small village with a high proportion of retired people (mostly teachers or from the military) Our friends and neighbours always speak to DS and he has always been expected to reply politely, look them in the eye and engage. I have no doubt some of the retired teachers would have no hesitation in pulling him up on it if he did not!

Also, both DS and I both vividly recall the vicars wife telling a very prominent member of the community that she would speak to him in a moment as DS was talking to her and hadn't finished. He felt it appropriate to interrupt a child and yet she modelled the behaviour we have always encouraged. That one act seemed a tipping point for DS which demonstrated that good manners apply to everyone, not just children.

Lastly I think that aside from the effort we have put in we have been extremely lucky, as I was an utter hag as a child!

My children are really well behaved. They are teenagers now.

Luck

Consistently with parenting. I'm also really consistent with how I treat them individually.

If I over react I admit it and apologise.

Lots of opportunities for experiences. A bit like you would socialise a puppy.

I was never a get down on the floor and play mum. I couldn't cope with that.

I think I'm pretty realistic about their strengths and weaknesses. I don't put them on a pedestal.

@aShinyNewUsername

My middle child is the delightful, well mannered, everyone-loves child.

And do you know what I think it is? I think it’s down to her being very lucky with her friendship group. They are a close group who are all like her.

So I can’t take the credit..... other than being a super cool parent

My DS1 is the same, I put it down to his friendship group now.

He was a bit of a horror pre 10, really hard work. He joined secondary school and found a group of really lovely friends and they've been the making of him. Over the years I've had messages from friends parents telling me how proud I must be of him etc. He really is lovely and I give his friends all the credit