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Original poster

Is there a way exh could be remotely seeing my phone?

69 replies

Blanketyblanket · 08/08/2020 23:38

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense as I’m not very technical but I’m sure that somehow my exh is seeing what I’m doing on my phone.

We split at the beginning of the year but as he lives in London and we’re 200 miles away we decided that until lockdown is completely over with that EOW he stays at our family home and I stay at my mums until he’s gone. Obviously it’s not ideal but it seemed to be working as well as it could.

The last few times he’s stated he’s made a few comments that have confused me and brought up one thing that he’d definitely only know if he’d read my emails. He was very controlling, manipulative and clever and it’s really shaken me to think that he could be seeing what I’m doing somehow.

He was possibly able to physically access my phone as the first weekend he came I had a quick shower before I left and my phone was in my bag which he could’ve accessed. Dc1 knows the passcode and could have told him but I don’t know what could have been done in 10 minutes. Other than that dc1 uses my old handset to play Pokemon on when they go for walks and he keeps that with him for the weekend. When I first started suspecting exdh was somehow watching/ listening to what I’m doing I removed my Apple account from the phone but it was logged in until that point. There were no email accounts or anything else on the phone. From what I can tell the only information from my Apple account that was pulled across to my old phone was the photos which were still updating. I’d already deleted everything else apart from Pokemon.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know my email password but I’ve changed it again anyway. If he’s permanently logged in to my email address would it now throw him out until he enters the new password? Is there anyway he could be viewing what I’m writing or even which sites I’ve been visiting just by having access to the router? Is there any other he could be seeing what I’m doing when I’m not here?

Sorry, I know this all sounds really weird and paranoid. I was just finally starting to relax and enjoy my new life after being micromanaged by him for an entire decade. I’ve started seeing someone and he was going to come round for dinner after the kids were in bed next week. Now I’m paranoid dh will find out/ already knows and will make it hell somehow.

OP posts:

Original poster

Blanketyblanket · 09/08/2020 06:58

Hopeful bump

OP posts:

Callardandbowser · 09/08/2020 07:01

You just need to change all your passwords on all your devices and also check the locations of each login.
Hope it’s not the case as that would be creepy AF.

OhioOhioOhio · 09/08/2020 07:02

I don't know how he could but I guess you are right to be suspicious. I'd stop him staying in your home as soon as possible.

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OhioOhioOhio · 09/08/2020 07:03

And the router, I think that also needs changed.

ChessIsASport · 09/08/2020 07:05

Could he have downloaded a spy app onto your phone?

DerbyshireGirly · 09/08/2020 07:06

Does the casting icon ever randomly appear on your status bar?

Drumple · 09/08/2020 07:06

Wipe the phone and set it up as a new phone with a different Apple ID.

Change all your passwords.

Morfin · 09/08/2020 07:08

I would change the password on the router and do a factory reset on my phone and change all my passwords, but properly change them to something random, it's surprisingly easy to guess many passwords.

MistressMounthaven · 09/08/2020 07:10

I doubt, unless you are an expert, anyone knows how much info spyware can reach.

KingOfDogShite · 09/08/2020 07:11

There are apps you can get they record everything. Have you googled? Try search in for key loggers.

Toodeloo · 09/08/2020 07:15

Might be a parent tracking type app. There are some that get installed “invisible” so won’t show up on your homescreen but will allow remote access to everything. Emails, who you called, chats etc. I’d look into finding out about that.

CodenameVillanelle · 09/08/2020 07:21

Is it an iPhone? Do a reset and then set it up as a new phone with your Apple ID. Anything he has installed will be deleted.

Shinygreenelephant · 09/08/2020 07:22

I would take it to a phone shop to check for spyware. If there's nothing on there do as pp said and totally wipe and reset the phone, whole new apple account. If there is spyware on there go to the police

ThickFast · 09/08/2020 07:24

Yeah you can get spy apps. Also, is 2-step authentification set up on all your accounts? Takes a minute extra to sign in but is safest.

SunshineCake · 09/08/2020 07:25

Well you know he has done something and is spying on you so go to the phone shop for help then to the police to report him. I'd be getting all legal protections in place now.

TheGodmother · 09/08/2020 07:26

I don't think you can use key-loggers on iPhone without jail breaking it first.

However if it's linked to another device he'd would be able to see everything but again don't know how he'd do that in such a short time.

Agree with PPs go back to factory settings and start up as a new phone. Chang all your passwords etc.

Malaya · 09/08/2020 07:30

It’s entirely possible. I have known it happen to a few people. Unfortunately, it’s quite easy to put spyware on someone’s phone.

I would factory reset your phone, change all your email and social media passwords and change your phone lock code too. Make sure you’ve saved photos and anything important first before you factory reset. That’s the only way to make sure there’s no spyware left. After factory reset, you can change your Apple ID access to fingerprint access only so there’s no chance of anyone but you getting in.

Also, I know it sounds paranoid, but do a quick sweep of your house. You can get tiny spy cams these days and they’re easy to hide. If your instinct is telling you something‘s off, it probably is. He has plenty of access and opportunity to plant a few cams.

Lockdowners · 09/08/2020 07:41

Can you do some kind of test? Mention something in an email that he will definitely take exception to (maybe moving away or something?) and drop in that he knows.

Poppys · 09/08/2020 08:01

Did you leave your laptop at home while he was there? Could he have seen your emails if it was automagically logged in?
I second the PP idea of sweeping for bugs. If he’s had unsupervised access to your home he would have had the opportunity.

HouchinBawbags · 09/08/2020 08:07

I agree with the others here full reset of your iPhone first and foremost. Get your child a cheapo phone of their own for Pokemon go if you have to.

There are tutorials on YouTube that show you how to check a phone for invisible spyware. It's very possible that if your ex did download something onto your phone, he may have done it on your Apple account and a reset and reinstall with simply pop the spyware back on. He may also have signed another Apple device up as you so all your iMessages and other things go to it too. I know a man who was caught having an affair as he didn't realise the family iPad was linked to his Apple account and all the OWs iMessages and emails went to that and the kids took it to mum..

Google how to check location of devices logged into whatever email you use. Remove all devices and start again with a new password.

Check around the house for physical spying hardware. A tiny USB stick in the back of a pc which is a microphone, a teeny camera in a smoke alarm or even a microphone pen left on your desk. All easily available online.

I guess it depends on your Ex's determination, finance and expertise. If he's good with electrics and has cash to burn then something hard to detect like a fancy plug socket camera microphone wired in could be possible but an average Joe would more likely go for something simple off eBay or amazon.

If you're worried and he's staying in your home there's no reason you can't keep an eye on what he's up to with a camera of your own. You may even see him go and retrieve a bugging device.

Emeeno1 · 09/08/2020 08:16

Yes, my ex husband did the same to me phone and laptop, remotely.

It is drastic but I suggest, if you can afford it, replacing any items and changing your number and email address.

Namechange2020onceagain · 09/08/2020 08:50

Also after you change your email password you should sign out of every session. I'm not sure what email account you have but google " log out of email everywhere" with your email providers name and it will show you how to log out of everything. Then they would be forced to put the new password in to gain access.

sashh · 09/08/2020 09:29

In short, yes. If he has had more than 2 mins with your phone there could be software on it that is sending him your location, copies of emails etc etc.

You need someone who knows what they are doing to look at it, and any other computer/laptop you own.

Changing passwords is not enough.

Catiopea · 09/08/2020 09:34

Trust your instincts, follow the advice of PP, be prepared for the police to totally dismiss you, and for friends/family to think you’re paranoid.

Sorry that’s not more positive but ultimately if he’s prepared to be pathetic/creepy/disrespectful/lacking in self-worth determined enough then nothing you do or don’t do will be enough.

I am fully aware of the limitations of making my life safe from perverted/stalking behaviour.

And I live anyway.

Not maybe as fully or freely as I’d like/did before, but certainly a life fuller than someone doing this kind of creepy shit.

If you have a fear he is a danger to you/others, maybe try and gather some evidence and go to the police, but do it as something you are doing (being responsible by passing on what you suspect/know) rather than expecting any concrete action from them to stop him.

Living despite fear takes courage and hard work.

Causing someone else fear, especially in this sneaky underhanded way, is pure cowardice.

But if he was respectful, brave and caring you’d probably still be together, discussing the alien concept of spying on someone you love because you heard it on the radio of an evening.

Gilead · 09/08/2020 10:01

My ex did this. Follow the advice above.

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