Is there a way exh could be remotely seeing my phone?

[Blanketyblanket]

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense as I’m not very technical but I’m sure that somehow my exh is seeing what I’m doing on my phone.

We split at the beginning of the year but as he lives in London and we’re 200 miles away we decided that until lockdown is completely over with that EOW he stays at our family home and I stay at my mums until he’s gone. Obviously it’s not ideal but it seemed to be working as well as it could.

The last few times he’s stated he’s made a few comments that have confused me and brought up one thing that he’d definitely only know if he’d read my emails. He was very controlling, manipulative and clever and it’s really shaken me to think that he could be seeing what I’m doing somehow.

He was possibly able to physically access my phone as the first weekend he came I had a quick shower before I left and my phone was in my bag which he could’ve accessed. Dc1 knows the passcode and could have told him but I don’t know what could have been done in 10 minutes. Other than that dc1 uses my old handset to play Pokemon on when they go for walks and he keeps that with him for the weekend. When I first started suspecting exdh was somehow watching/ listening to what I’m doing I removed my Apple account from the phone but it was logged in until that point. There were no email accounts or anything else on the phone. From what I can tell the only information from my Apple account that was pulled across to my old phone was the photos which were still updating. I’d already deleted everything else apart from Pokemon.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know my email password but I’ve changed it again anyway. If he’s permanently logged in to my email address would it now throw him out until he enters the new password? Is there anyway he could be viewing what I’m writing or even which sites I’ve been visiting just by having access to the router? Is there any other he could be seeing what I’m doing when I’m not here?

Sorry, I know this all sounds really weird and paranoid. I was just finally starting to relax and enjoy my new life after being micromanaged by him for an entire decade. I’ve started seeing someone and he was going to come round for dinner after the kids were in bed next week. Now I’m paranoid dh will find out/ already knows and will make it hell somehow.

Yes could you not just get a new phone, new number different network and contract.

I've seen a thread on here before where OP was concerned her ex (or batshit in laws?) had installed cameras or listening bugs, people suggested hiring a professional to do a sweep of her home for bugs. I can't remember exactly what sort of professional though...

My ex put spy cameras in cuddly toys he was giving my youngest child, put a spycam in the smoke alarm, one in the finial on the curtain rail, one under the wardrobe in my bedroom ( ugh), put a tracker on my car, and sent a spyware to my phone via wattsapp message (click on the link, spyware downloaded from a website). I had to get a new phone and new iPad and laptop - I sold the old ones to raise money.

Yes. Get your phone looked at.

I think dialling *#21# should be of some help, it’ll bring up a screen with various headers, they should all say disabled if there is nothing untoward on your phone.
Works for apple and android but not sure if it would tell you anything regarding Apple ID being logged in elsewhere

There are private investigators who will 'sweep' your home for you and check that there are no spy devices in there. They can help you with phones and computers too.

You do need to keep him out from now on.

It is illegal for him to spy on you in this way.

(I do mean keep him out from now on - because if he has access to your Mumsnet, he will know that you are going looking for his devices and spyware... and will need to remove it all before you get help on this.)

Since he is a pro - you will need a pro to help you find his stuff.

If you find he has done this get evidence before you remove or delete it.

It's against the law. Don't let him get away with it.

My ex did this, he had an iPad, and whatever I down loaded on my phone downloaded on his iPad. Also access to messages emails etc. I ended up having to log out of my Apple ID and create a whole new one with a different email address.
When I did this nothing else went to his iPad. Scummy fuckers these men.

Don't let him back in your house, get the evidence that he is still illegally tracking you and report to the police.

Would be worth paying for private investigator to sweep your house.

Phone shop didn’t find anything on my phone but said that there was no way he’d be able to view my photos on another device if it was logged out of my Apple ID (which it definitely was). He said that he’s not an expert though and can only do what he’s been shown how to do. He said if someone sets up security systems professionally you’d need a professional to be sure there’s nothing on it. He recommended I get an entirely new internet connection set up so I’m going to try and do that today. I’ve got a new handset and number anyway and told exdh that he’s only to contact me via email from now on as I’m not happy giving him my new number. I’m not setting up my new phone until I get the new internet connection though.

I feel a bit mad to be trying to find someone to sweep the house looking for hidden cameras. Exdh is staying at the house this weekend again but that will be the last time, so I’ll get someone to come and look round after that.

The most ridiculous thing is that it was exdh that wanted to end the marriage. So he doesn’t want me but wants to make sure I’m doing exactly what he wants anyway

You need to ensure that he doesn't get your new wifi password.

You could actually change your current WiFi password anyway. So long as he doesn't then get it off your DC via their phone etc.

What a shame he won't be able to use WiFi at yours this weekend!

Why are you letting him stay again? If he knows it is the last time and he knows you are on to him he could make things a lot worse. Don't let him in.

Why are you letting him stay?

Your gut is telling you something.

Listen to it and don't allow him to enter your house again.

I don’t know really. The house is in his name at the moment and so I’m trying to keep him as sweet as possible so that he doesn’t throw us all out. I fucking hate him being here though.

Your married, have you registered your financial interest in the house?

If you aren't on the deeds you need to do this and whether he likes it or not it's a marital asset and the courts would be highly unlikely to award him an occupation order so that he could kick out!

Do you have a Alexa I know lots of people have spurs on people through these

OP, if you are married, that house is a marital asset.
He CANNOT just throw you out.

@RandomMess...what she said.