Is there a way exh could be remotely seeing my phone?

[Blanketyblanket]

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense as I’m not very technical but I’m sure that somehow my exh is seeing what I’m doing on my phone.

We split at the beginning of the year but as he lives in London and we’re 200 miles away we decided that until lockdown is completely over with that EOW he stays at our family home and I stay at my mums until he’s gone. Obviously it’s not ideal but it seemed to be working as well as it could.

The last few times he’s stated he’s made a few comments that have confused me and brought up one thing that he’d definitely only know if he’d read my emails. He was very controlling, manipulative and clever and it’s really shaken me to think that he could be seeing what I’m doing somehow.

He was possibly able to physically access my phone as the first weekend he came I had a quick shower before I left and my phone was in my bag which he could’ve accessed. Dc1 knows the passcode and could have told him but I don’t know what could have been done in 10 minutes. Other than that dc1 uses my old handset to play Pokemon on when they go for walks and he keeps that with him for the weekend. When I first started suspecting exdh was somehow watching/ listening to what I’m doing I removed my Apple account from the phone but it was logged in until that point. There were no email accounts or anything else on the phone. From what I can tell the only information from my Apple account that was pulled across to my old phone was the photos which were still updating. I’d already deleted everything else apart from Pokemon.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know my email password but I’ve changed it again anyway. If he’s permanently logged in to my email address would it now throw him out until he enters the new password? Is there anyway he could be viewing what I’m writing or even which sites I’ve been visiting just by having access to the router? Is there any other he could be seeing what I’m doing when I’m not here?

Sorry, I know this all sounds really weird and paranoid. I was just finally starting to relax and enjoy my new life after being micromanaged by him for an entire decade. I’ve started seeing someone and he was going to come round for dinner after the kids were in bed next week. Now I’m paranoid dh will find out/ already knows and will make it hell somehow.

Check he hasn’t put a spy app on x

Is there anything else you use to check your email? My ex used something that allowed him to access my emails, facebook messenger and even Mumsnet remotely.

Oh yeah, he also overheard conversations with my friends in my house.

If he has ever logged onto your email or any account on his phone prior to this and diesnt log out he doesnt need to put in any passwords to go straight into account every time. Also locations aren't necessarily true my account that couldn't poss be known has been recorded as logged in to a couple of odd places that I've never been and nowhere near so you cant rely on logins.

There was a thread on here a few months back where the husband had downloaded a spy app onto the phone and was tracking the wife

So yes, he could be

It doesnt need to be spyware or remote. He can already just have your account on his phone and never log out.

Yes sorry my ex did this also, he used to receive anything I ever sent it received and had laptops keylogged as well. Plus it screenshot anything I looked on online. So if for example your laptop is keylogged, even if you change your password he will have it. He probably knows the answers to your secret questions as well.
I got mine all wiped by a tech friend, then changed everything, used weird answers he wouldn't know, and got double authentication set up for everything. When i swapped laptop and phones I changed everything again just in case.
It's truly horrible. When my ex did this to me it wasn't illegal but I'm pretty sure it is now.

@Timeforredwine If she does as I suggested up thread, he would have to re enter the password to gain access.

I think there is a way to set "rules" on your mail so that some/all mails are forwarded to him. He only needs to have been into your account once to set/apply the rule. This happened to a friend of mine once whose boyfriend wanted to read all the correspondence between me and her.

He absolutely can. I gave DD my old phone. I hadn't realised that it was still logged into my Google account, so all of my browsing history was mirrored on her phone. ExH used to spend every evening going through it all. He revealed himself when he flipped out that I'd been on swinging websites! Hugely embarrassing, but a good thing really because I knew to create and entirely new account and log her phone out. Fortunately she wouldn't have known how to access browsing history at that age. My fault for being careless, of course he was going to invade my privacy, he did it plenty if times when we were married!

I’m taking my phone to the phone shop tomorrow and I’ve done a factory reset. Exdh is incredibly smart and manipulative. He’s definitely only mentioning the things he has because he knows it will make me question things, which it is. Hopefully phone shop will be able to sort it if there is anything that he’s set up on my phone. Dh sets up online security stuff at a really high level for his job though so I’m worried that a phone shop wouldn’t be able to find what (if anything he’s put on there).

I’ve been out with friends this morning and after lots of discussion with them I’m going to try and ignore it. Since he’s left I genuinely feel like I’ve been given a new life - it doesn’t matter if I don’t keep the house immaculate or dinner isn’t exactly how he wanted it or if I want to see friends I can. If I’m constantly worrying about what exdh thinks then it stops me from enjoying these things. So I’m going to try and not let it bother me. Easier said than done though. Especially as the man I’m seeing is supposed to be coming round one evening this week for the first time.

Yes that's the word I was looking for "mirrored" used by someone so he will always be logged on. Definitely ring a tech expert, have you got tech support from the maker of your phone as they can remotely access your phone with your permission and could shed some light on this?

Factory reset and changing passwords, and also forcing logout on all devices. Won't matter if he's got your email set up on his phone, forcing a logout means he'll have to put the password in, which he won't have.

Also 2 step verification. Get that sorted at the same time using your phone number, before he can get in with anything else. Fingerprint lock, etc. Just double down on security.

Check if he's registered his fingerprint to unlock your phone.

Sorry again for possibly more stupid questions. Could he be accessing my iCloud somehow and me not see it on my Apple ID? Just realised he could have got the information just from viewing my photos.

I don’t think he could have registered his fingerprint. I have an iPhone XR so it does it with facial recognition rather than fingerprint. I don’t know how I’d check if he had registered his fingerprint though.

I would get an expert to check, but not uninstall it. If you discover that he has installed spyware, then you can inform the police, as it is illegal. I would also check the house for any hidden cameras and listening devices, including in any new toys, gifts for the kids. If he’s that skilled, there’s no telling what he’s done.

You can check if anyone is logged into your iCloud account by going to settings and clicking the following

Facebook has a bit that shows you devises logged into your account.
Yes to if he guessed your email password he could read them, then mark as unread, outlook actually could be set up to download an email account from other places. Changing the password would stop this.
If he had set up your account on his domain he could have had access to your emails, so change to Gmail, or some other big company.

Sounds from what you’ve said that he could have just looked at the photos on your child’s phone?

If he has your passcode for your phone then he can put his face on it too. My DH is on my iPhone 11. My thumb is on his iPhone 7. (We don't access each other's phones to snoop but having access is handy sometimes.)

Yes the photos on back up could be linked so you both have access to all photos taken. Yes email accounts could be logged into any device which means he could delete emails too.

My child’s phone isn’t logged into my Apple account and hasn’t been for a while now. The photos that he could be referring to were definitely after the dc’s phone was logged out. I’ve done a factory reset on that phone too just to be sure.

I found a spy cam that he’d set up years ago and I wish I’d just gone to the police then and ended it. He’s such a prick.

It's apple. Everything is linked. I'd get rid of apple

Well if he’s set up a spy cam before he’s probably done that plus more again.

He’s dangerous, you need to stop him staying in your house.

www.quora.com/How-do-I-know-if-there-is-a-key-logger-on-my-computer

This will help you check your laptop for a keylogger.

If he's put a spy cam up before then I would definitely think he's done it again, especially with having weekend access to your home! You need to change that arrangement!