Children sharing rooms- having another child?

[lilo0]

We live in a 3 bedroom house and have two DC, DD who is 4 years old and DS who is 20 months, they have a bedroom each. We've been thinking about whether to have a third and both me and DH want to but he's not keen on having DC share a room. This is difficult because it's unlikely we'll able to afford a house any bigger. DH thinks it would be unfair, especially as they get older and need their own space which I understand but I wouldn't say it's absolutely necessary for children to have their own rooms and they might be fine with it

I'm sure it's workable but personally I wouldn't consciously enter a long term bedroom-share situation, especially as the older two are opposite sex.

It’s a very personal decision. We stuck at one child because I want to help support them with driving lessons, uni fees, house deposit etc. We couldn’t do that with 2. I do think it’s nice for them to have their own bedrooms too but that’s not as important (to me) as all of the above.

The plan would most likely be them to share with DD or DS depending on whether we have another girl or another boy. We've considered a lot of things when it comes to deciding to have another, I suppose we're at the point now where I would like to and think we're in a good enough position to but DH would agree if we had more space but unfortunately we don't

Would it be possible to split a room into two, or maybe do a loft conversation? Not necessarily now, if finances don't allow, but in time for them needing their own space (secondary school age?).

So, if the new baby was a girl, there would be a 5 year plus age gap. Different bedtimes, and as DD1 gets older, she will want to spend more time in her room, entertain herself and have privacy. By the time she goes to High school, she will want to chat to her friends, do her homework in peace etc. By this time she will be sharing with a 6 yr old with a much earlier bedtime than her.
I don't think it is fair to plan another child when you don't have enough bedrooms for them. We had a surprise 3rd leaving us in this situation temporarily. And ours are a lot closer in age. Subsequently, we have moved and DC now have their own rooms which, as teens, they hibernate in.

I grew up sharing a bedroom with my 2 sisters. As far as I am tell it hasn't resulted in any psychological damage. I have no memories of it being difficult. In fact I have some lovely memories of it. I even manage to hold down a job and don't scare the horses.

Sharing a bedroom is fine. Only on MN does the very though cause people so much stress.

I think it's fine. I shared a bedroom with my sister who is 6 years older than me and we had no problems. We had bunk beds and a fitted wardrobe each. She moved out at 25 and we shared up until then. She's 49 and I'm 43 now and we have always been so close . We both have such happy memories of our childhood. It can definitely work although I appreciate it strangely isn't the done thing now.

We have a 4 bedroom house and have our 5th kid on the way, it's absolutely fine for us but that's mainly because two of the kids only live her EOW, so the two older girls share (10 and 11), DSS5 has his own huge room which is also the playroom, DD1 is in the nursery. Depending on the sex of the new baby we will eventually have the two girls or two boys in bunkbeds in the playroom and the other one in the smaller room - their room will be tiny but they won't have to share so swings and roundabouts. If its dss sharing there will be a 6 year age gap which isn't ideal but for every other weekend it's doable. If its dd sharing the age gap is only 2 years which I think is great. That room is massive as well, miles bigger than mine and DHs room. And the girls have a big loft conversion with en suite which is their own little lair - they love sharing (again, probably only because its not all the time). And my oldest was an only child for a loooong time and had her own room plus a playroom and she prefers it now with a house full of siblings. So I wouldnt let sharing rooms put you off

The age gap, more than the sharing, might be the issue if the baby is a girl. I’ve got three DDs and all three shared a room - and they are now young adults. Mine are all about 18 months in age apart.

I agree that it's the age gap vs the actual sharing. 2 of my DC share out of choice but they're close in age so same toys, bedtime etc. I anticipate them wanting and needing their own room as they get older.

I think it's great sharing with a sibling, I have very happy childhood memories of being in a bunk bed and chatting away to my sister. Is your husband an only child.

My dds are 4.5 years apart and shared from when dd2 was a baby for 3 years. It was a bit crap tbh and the main reason we moved to a 4 bed (Ds in between the girls). Dd1 loved Lego, could never leave it out as dd2 would break it up and mess with it. Different bedtimes were awkward. Ds was jealous of them sharing so would often want to sleep in with them. Their room was a good size but no way to split it properly. So we moved. When we were in your position and deciding about dc3, I thought it wouldn’t matter that they had to share. But it did matter and didn’t really work for us.

I don’t know many dc who do share tbh. I know several families of 5, but most have 4 bed homes, I don’t know many dc who share. But I think that might be because 2 dc is the norm rather than going for a third?

I shared a room with my brother, we are 3 years apart. Like other PP's I don't remember any problems at all. We got our own rooms when I was 10 or 11. If you had a third, your younger two could share a room until your second were 10 and then consider upsizing?

I agree it's the age gap if you have a DD that's the issue really.

We live in a 3 bedroom and my two DS still share a room. We only had two bedrooms in our old property so they are used to it. We have the benefit of being able to move them if they want to when they are older. We only have a two year age gap, so go to bed together, play together and pretty much do everything together (unless they fight obviously!)

I got on well with my sister. We're a year apart in age. We had our share of arguments but it was mostly good.
However, I was thrilled when she moved out and I got a room to myself. We got on SO much better after that. I hated having to share!

My sons shared a room when they were very small but they wanted their own space from about 7-8 years old so we gave them a room each.

I wouldn't, personally. A five year age gap would be problematic.

Yeah they "Might" be fine with it. Or they might absolutely hate it. Completely depends on the child but if they do hate it you are in for ten plus years of constant fighting, bickering, tears, etc. What will you do about bedtimes/studying etc when they are 2/7, or 11/16.
Some people saying they loved sharing rooms are also probably reflecting on a time where kids moved out soon into adulthood, whereas now you could very easily have all three wanting to live with you well into their twenties.

All I can say is that I would have HATED sharing a room. I wasn't fussed about holidays abroad, fancy clothes/shoes, expensive hobbies etc. and would have happily exchanged all of those if the choice was random luxuries or a room of my own. I was an introverted child and would have gone mad having nowhere quiet to escape to on my own. On the other hand my sisters quite liked sharing for a while, but even they got sick of it when they got into their teens and they have a lot in common and were less than three years apart.

@Disfordarkchocolate

I grew up sharing a bedroom with my 2 sisters. As far as I am tell it hasn't resulted in any psychological damage. I have no memories of it being difficult. In fact I have some lovely memories of it. I even manage to hold down a job and don't scare the horses.

Sharing a bedroom is fine. Only on MN does the very though cause people so much stress.

I second this.

And my sisters were 8 and 11 years older than me. It was fine.

From personal experience I had to share a room (6 year age gap, and I’m the eldest) and I absolutely despised it. It caused real resentment. Although I’m now close with my sister, it really hasn’t helped by relationship with my parents at all

DH isn't an only child but didn't share a room as a child. I shared a room untill I was around 14/15, I had to admit I definetly preferred having my own room but when I did share we split the bedroom in two using furniture which worked quite well and doing something similar is an often for when theyre older, its a big enough room. The age gap if we have another girl may be a problem, it does feel like a risky decision as it could turn out fine or it could be a nightmare

Sharing rooms is fine, but it’s not my ideal choice. In fact, affording a home that has enough bedrooms is probably one of the smaller expenses I want to be sure to be able to cover for whatever children I choose to have.

I shared with a much younger (9 years) sibling for several years u til I left for university and when coming home for holidays til I was 22.

It was fine. Things like sleep overs etc weren't common so much where we lived back then, so that was never an issue. I still had friends come round and hang out in our room - but again everyone seemed to hang out it side back then, playing or hanging out in bedrooms seemed less common - it was outside all day, only coming back for your tea. I guess as sister was so much younger we didn't really Cross over in terms of friendship so much. By the time sister was starting to have friends to come and play after school I was leaving for university.

Whilst separate bedrooms is nice in many families when I grew up just didn't have that privilege at all. Maybe people just tended to have more children - many of my friends were one of three or four - so shared bedrooms was pretty much the norm.

Oh and I appear to have grown up pretty well adjusted despite sharing a bedroom, even with a big age gap.

It's really in MN that children sharing a bedroom is seen as verging on child cruelty tbh though.

What @Disfordarkchocolate said

I shared with two siblings for early years then one sister and it was fine. My own room would have been nice but not necessary - and that was in the days where we didn't have our own personal electronics either.

We have 4 dcs in a 4 bed house and currently we have 1 in his own room as he has ASD and really struggled with sharing, but the other three (from toddler to mid primary school age) are sharing because they specifically requested it! Their room is mostly just for sleeping, clothes storage and books, then we store toys for the older kids in the downstairs front room where they can shut out the toddler if they're making really complicated Lego or playing a board game, and the toddler's in the back big open living area, as he always wants to be where the rest of us are.

As they get older they will likely want to split out and that's fine too, though I'll be sad to lose the home office - but I do think that sharing can be really good for relationships.