XH, children and dodgy electrics

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

XH and I have moments where we get on, but he's not one for being challenged, questioned or having issues or concerns raised by me.

After a fairly decent period of us getting along OK, I challenged him on something he had said (to one of the children) and now he's being snippy and won't speak to me. Anyway, the kids tell me that one of his stairs is dodgy and if they step on it, it trips the electrics for the entire house. This worries me - I'm not an expert, but this doesn't sound safe to me. In addition to this, he has no smoke alarms.

Now, I'd like to say something, but given his predisposition to histrionics, I'm not sure how this would go. Can I insist that it's sorted? Obviously, he accuses me of being dramatic, making things up, being a bitter ex etc - but I am genuinely worried about my children when they are in his care.

Thoughts? Advice? Suggestions?

Does he own the house or rent?

He owns it.

The smoke alarms I'd let go.

How old are the children and do they enjoy contact?

Are you in touch with his family members - if there's someone who would be equally concerned as you, I would find a way to mention it to them, as hopefully they would nag him about it enough to get it fixed.

I would have thought smoke alarms relevant because if a staircase (usually made of wood) is involved with tripping electrics that hints at quite a serious fire hazard and if there are no smoke alarms, if there ever was a fire they have pretty much lost any chance at getting out alive.

That would be a serious concern to me but I am quite anxious about fire safety.

Children are 15, 13, 11 and 9.

The youngest are happy to go, the older children not always, but have started going during the time that we were getting on reasonably well (i.e. I didn't question anything).

As for family members - he's done a nice job there, so I'm not their favourite or in contact. Though I am in touch with his step mum so maybe I can mention it to her.

What would you do though? Can I insist it's sorted? Report it to anyone? Would anyone care?

Also, he'd get out as his bedroom is downstairs but all children sleep upstairs.

I think since it's his house it's entirely his choice. It would probably invalidate his insurance if he did have a fire and the electrics were found to be not up to scratch but I don't know.

Maybe ask CAB for advice? I don't think you can realistically do anything though.

Could you frame it as you're worried about his safety/him losing everything and the kids losing their dad and 2nd home or would he see right through that?

Yeah - he'd see right through that, I think. Basically, if I suggest anything - he will do the exact opposite.

For instance, our DD has just been diagnosed as dairy intolerant. By the hospital and everything (not just me saying so), so he seems to only feed her food with dairy in.

When we were together, if we needed to hurry, he would walk slowly. Deliberately. You could actually see him slow down.

And it's just got worse. He's basically an almost 50 year old toddler. So if I mention the electrics, he definitely won't fix them.

Do they ever stop behaving like this?