Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

DD (14) and her friend approached by a stranger

66 replies

Rollergirl11 · 03/08/2020 23:05

today while they were out shopping a woman came over and asked them if they knew where she could buy some cigarettes and/or a lighter. DD replied that sorry she didn’t know and the woman kept trying to engage them in conversation, asking where the Tesco Express was. DD said that she wasn’t from the town and she doesn’t smoke so she couldn’t help and the woman reluctantly left them alone.

DD and friend definitely look their age so can’t think of any reason why someone would ask them about buying cigarettes in a busy city centre where there are undoubtedly more appropriate people to approach. My immediate thoughts were thar it sounded dodgy and the woman was a distraction in order to pick pocket or something like that but DD doesn’t go out with a bag and just uses Apple Pay on her phone which she was holding.

Maybe the lady was genuinely after cigarettes but just sounds dodgy to me. Has anybody ever experienced this? Do people think this woman was up to no good?

OP posts:

Embracelife · 03/08/2020 23:07

Teach her to say "no,sorry" and move away if it doesn't seem right.

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/08/2020 23:10

Maybe she was genuinely asking for directions to a shop that sold cigarettes? 🤷🏻‍♀️ They were out shopping, after all.

brastrapbroken · 03/08/2020 23:13

Literally nothing happened. She was asking for help.

june2007 · 03/08/2020 23:18

Help someone asked me where tesco express was... Thats basically what your saying here.

ButteryPuffin · 03/08/2020 23:23

Call me cynical but I think you're right about her being a potential pick pocket. It doesn't make sense to ask teens for directions. Or she was hoping to keep them talking and eventually ask them for money. Agree with the 'no, sorry' advice.

Goingdownto · 03/08/2020 23:27

It wasn't an appropriate conversation to have with 14 year olds. The person may just have been inappropriate but of course it could be a technique to do something else.

ekidmxcl · 03/08/2020 23:28

Difficult to tell. I would have been suspicious that it was a distraction for a pickpocket.

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/08/2020 23:33

An inappropriate conversation? Is "where can I buy cigarettes?" code for something else?!

Goingdownto · 03/08/2020 23:56

I wouldn't ask someone under the age to buy something - I wouldn't ask a child where I could get alcohol either.
I am possibly more careful about what I'd say to children as I work with them.
I also think girls/women don't always need to be giving of their time and trusting of others. Being "nice" isn't always safe.

FourPlasticRings · 04/08/2020 00:01

Teach her not to stop moving for things like this. As pp said, 'No, sorry,' and never break your stride. It can be dangerous to stop. There are people who ask what the time is so they can nab your phone when you get it out to tell them and run off.

Original poster

Rollergirl11 · 04/08/2020 09:37

@FourPlasticRings

They were stationary at the time, leaning against a wall having a drink. DD said that she started off being polite to her but ended up being abrupt as she just kept talking to them. There was no harm done but it just seemed odd to me.

OP posts:

tiredanddangerous · 04/08/2020 09:39

I don't think it sounds odd at all

Thegereldine3000 · 04/08/2020 09:42

People ask for directions all the time

Original poster

Rollergirl11 · 04/08/2020 09:47

It’s not really asking for directions though is it? It’s asking teenagers who are clearly not legally able to purchase cigarettes where to buy cigarettes from.

OP posts:

ChubbyPigeon · 04/08/2020 09:54

It doesnt sound that dodgy

They probably just looked the most approachable. Maybe she thought being teens they would know somewhere to get cheap cigarettes? Maybe she was lonely and hoping for a chat, maybe she was drunk.

Equally 2 teens with no bags sitting down are not really a great target for pickpocketing. And she didnt pickpocket them so nothing actually happened

brastrapbroken · 04/08/2020 10:01

@Rollergirl11

It’s not really asking for directions though is it? It’s asking teenagers who are clearly not legally able to purchase cigarettes where to buy cigarettes from.

Oh for god sake, you are making a meal out of this. So what if they asked people who are not legally able to buy cigarettes where Tesco Express was. I don't suppose the person looking to buy fags bothered to ID the random people she was led for help to find Tesco

corythatwas · 04/08/2020 11:27

Your daughter is growing up and needs to learn to navigate a world where not everybody will know exactly what might be considered appropriate or not- or where there may even be perfectly valid different views about what is appropriate.

The woman may not have known exactly how old she was - and tbh unless she is planning to have sex with her she doesn't have to know: asking for direction of an underage person is perfectly legal. Once you are old enough to move around the city centre without supervision, you might quite reasonably be considered old enough to give directions to a shop selling something that is not illegal for the enquirer.

Yes, this actual individual may still have been dodgy and it is good that your daughter is wary. But that is a separate question and surely part of the reason you are giving her the freedom to venture out alone: so she can develop her instincts in a relatively safe environment.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 04/08/2020 11:43

Good lord. Mountain. Mole hill.

leftovercoffeecake · 04/08/2020 12:09

I don’t think you’re making a big deal out of it.

I remember when I was 17, I was walking home from college and a man in a car pulled right up besides me and asked me where the nearest bank was. I was spooked because there was no one around, and said I didn’t know. He kept following me in his car asking if I knew of a Tesco cash point etc. I went into a local corner shop to get away. He could’ve been an innocent person just asking for directions, but you don’t know.

I think as an adult, if you approach a teenager for help and they seem reluctant to talk to you, you need to drop it and walk away. In my opinion, the lady was wrong to keep trying to engage in conversation.

She could’ve been an innocent person asking for directions.
She could’ve been trying to distract your dd to grab her phone.
She could’ve had a friend near by who would’ve taken the phone, as your dd was distracted.
There’s no way to really know, but you hear a lot of horror stories, so it’s easy to see why you’d be suspicious. I always believe in trusting your gut.

Reader1984 · 04/08/2020 12:11

Sorry, but what's the point of this post?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 04/08/2020 12:11

Some lovely young people helped me and my partner when we were lost in a small town in an Eastern European country once. We were so grateful. If they had not helped us we'd have missed the last bus back to where we were staying.

QuacksInTheDark · 04/08/2020 12:13

Nothing happened, forget about it.

ProbablyFault · 04/08/2020 12:15

I think it's odd, and that it's good to teach your DD that she doesn't need to be nice / polite if something feels off to her.

ButteryPuffin · 04/08/2020 12:20

Great work those posters belittling OP for her concern about her teenage daughter's safety. How silly of her to give that any thought!

celestebellman · 04/08/2020 12:22

Sounds odd. Yes would have thought a distraction to steal something (got my laptop stolen in this way in pub in London!) Otherwise my experience of people who engage in inappropriate conversation and persist is that she may have had some mental health problems. I wouldn’t get too worried about it.

Flip

1 2 3