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Original poster

DD (14) and her friend approached by a stranger

66 replies

Rollergirl11 · 03/08/2020 23:05

today while they were out shopping a woman came over and asked them if they knew where she could buy some cigarettes and/or a lighter. DD replied that sorry she didn’t know and the woman kept trying to engage them in conversation, asking where the Tesco Express was. DD said that she wasn’t from the town and she doesn’t smoke so she couldn’t help and the woman reluctantly left them alone.

DD and friend definitely look their age so can’t think of any reason why someone would ask them about buying cigarettes in a busy city centre where there are undoubtedly more appropriate people to approach. My immediate thoughts were thar it sounded dodgy and the woman was a distraction in order to pick pocket or something like that but DD doesn’t go out with a bag and just uses Apple Pay on her phone which she was holding.

Maybe the lady was genuinely after cigarettes but just sounds dodgy to me. Has anybody ever experienced this? Do people think this woman was up to no good?

OP posts:
ReasonablyUnreasonable · 04/08/2020 12:23

As a teen I would get asked for directions; I took it as a compliment that they thought I looked approachable.

Having said that, there was definitely one guy who asked me what the time was and looked deflated when I checked my watch rather than taking my phone out my bag!

Hairthrowaway · 04/08/2020 12:28

I don’t think it’s necessarily a distraction scam. The woman was probably mentally ill, under the influence of drunk/drugs, or just generally weird as she was so persistent.

It’s a remarkable event for the girls because they’re only 14. Once they’re a bit older they’ll unfortunately get used to weirdos in public and won’t bat an eyelid over this.

AgentProvocateur · 04/08/2020 12:29

You’ve led a sheltered life, OP, if a middle-aged woman asking a teenager a question is worthy of a post on MN. Grin

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 04/08/2020 12:34

Oh for gods sake, she asked for directions. Even my 7 year old nephew, if asked, could tell you that the little shop sells cigarettes and that its down the hill and across the road on the right.

Precious much?

RedskyAtnight · 04/08/2020 12:49

Not particularly odd to me either. She basically asked where the shop was.

Not sure why pick-pocketing jumped to mind - would be unusual for a teen to have cash these days and presumably their phones were in their hands :)

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/08/2020 12:51

Why are people insisting it might have been a distraction scam? Nothing was stolen, nothing happened. So it either failed spectacularly or it was just what it looked like, someone asking for directions.

user1495884620 · 04/08/2020 12:58

@Hairthrowaway

I don’t think it’s necessarily a distraction scam. The woman was probably mentally ill, under the influence of drunk/drugs, or just generally weird as she was so persistent.

It’s a remarkable event for the girls because they’re only 14. Once they’re a bit older they’ll unfortunately get used to weirdos in public and won’t bat an eyelid over this.

This was pretty much my thought, that this woman is the neighbourhood "weirdo", a bit weird and inappropriate but ultimately harmless. You need to help your DD develop a strategy for dealing with people like this.
brastrapbroken · 04/08/2020 13:03

The woman was probably mentally ill, under the influence of drunk/drugs, or just generally weird as she was so persistent.

Or lost.

ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress · 04/08/2020 13:08
Confused Is all the trauma because it was fags? She was hardly asking where the nearest crackhouse was... Would it have been OK if she'd asked where she could buy a bun? Or would that still have been akin to plotting to kidnap the DD and keep her under the floorboards for 15 years? I despair.
ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress · 04/08/2020 13:09

Glad to see MN is so understanding of mental health issues though.
"Neighbourhood weirdo" etc. Hmm

ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress · 04/08/2020 13:12

"Can you tell me where I can buy cigarettes"
"No sorry"
"Well, (I know I can get them in a supermarket and hopefully you'll know where one of those is) what about the nearest Tesco?"

Baffling.

Hairthrowaway · 04/08/2020 13:19

@brastrapbroken

The woman was probably mentally ill, under the influence of drunk/drugs, or just generally weird as she was so persistent.

Or lost.

Most adults are self sufficient, so should be able to navigate being lost without asking teenagers about cigarettes (which isn’t age inappropriate). I would open my maps app to find my bearings and locate the nearest shop, or book a taxi to my destination. If she didn’t have a phone, there would be maps dotted around the city centre. Sourcing cigarettes wouldn’t be a priority for me if I was genuinely lost and didn’t have a phone.
Thisismytimetoshine · 04/08/2020 13:19

Why would you be presumed to be mentally ill because you asked directions to a shop selling cigarettes? Shock Or the "neighbourhood weirdo"?
The weird ones in this scenario are the 14 year olds who were so shocked at this encounter that they went home to tell their Mum, who reacts by posting on Mumsnet for support.

brastrapbroken · 04/08/2020 13:22

Most adults are self sufficient, so should be able to navigate being lost without asking teenagers about cigarettes (which isn’t age inappropriate). I would open my maps app to find my bearings and locate the nearest shop, or book a taxi to my destination. If she didn’t have a phone, there would be maps dotted around the city centre. Sourcing cigarettes wouldn’t be a priority for me if I was genuinely lost and didn’t have a phone.

Well done. You are fabulous. Maybe though, just maybe, we are not all the same. Some people just do things differently.

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/08/2020 13:24

Jesus, booking taxis to your destination, maps apps... It was directions to the nearest Tesco Express 🤦‍♀️

user1495884620 · 04/08/2020 13:25

It's strange. Mumsnet is usually very insistent that you shouldn't ignore your instincts. These girls were obviously concerned enough about this encounter to tell their parents but they do need to know how to close down situations that make them uncomfortable.

Hairthrowaway · 04/08/2020 13:34

@brastrapbroken

Most adults are self sufficient, so should be able to navigate being lost without asking teenagers about cigarettes (which isn’t age inappropriate). I would open my maps app to find my bearings and locate the nearest shop, or book a taxi to my destination. If she didn’t have a phone, there would be maps dotted around the city centre. Sourcing cigarettes wouldn’t be a priority for me if I was genuinely lost and didn’t have a phone.

Well done. You are fabulous. Maybe though, just maybe, we are not all the same. Some people just do things differently.

Thanks xoxo

Handling it differently shouldn’t involve making teenagers feel uncomfortable. From the moment they initially said they couldn’t help, she should have left them alone and asked someone else instead of continuing to engage.

And to the other poster, yes google maps and Uber are a thing! Welcome to 2020.

Eyesofdisarray · 04/08/2020 13:35

Adult smokers know where to buy cigarettes; I don't believe this woman
needed to ask a couple of teens where to buy them. Wonder if this woman asked an adult?????
I would tell DD if someone makes her uncomfortable, not to engage.
She doesn't owe strangers anything and doesn't need to feel awkward.

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/08/2020 13:37

And to the other poster, yes google maps and Uber are a thing! Welcome to 2020.
Are you serious? 🤣🤣🤣

brastrapbroken · 04/08/2020 13:40

This thread has just highlighted how fucking ridiculous people really are. Nothing happened. Actually nothing. Not a single thing.

ProbablyFault · 04/08/2020 13:43

No, nothing happened, and that's great.

The point is slightly more subtle than that though - girls and women should feel empowered to remove themselves from situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

leftovercoffeecake · 04/08/2020 13:48

What makes it weird is the fact the woman persisted when the girls said they didn’t know. Had the lady have just said “Ah, thanks anyway.” and walked away, there wouldn’t have been a problem. She was reluctant to leave them alone.

Yes nothing happened, but we don’t know what could’ve played out if had they stood around talking to her. It could’ve just been a missed opportunity.

Just because nothing happened, it doesn’t invalidate their feelings of concern. We should be teaching teens that it’s okay to back off if someone is making you uncomfortable.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 04/08/2020 13:55

For all those saying it’s normal, if you wanted to buy cigarettes and didn’t know where to go, would you really think,
‘I know, I’ll ask 2 girls who look 14 because they are definitely the people most likely to know the answer of where to buy cigarettes and a lighter?’

Presuming I wasn’t dodgy and there were other people to ask, I’d have chosen other people who were adults. She may have just been clueless and didn’t understand what’s appropriate but I don’t think OP is wrong to think it was a bit strange and may have been dodgy.

OP, your dd and friend are ok so just put it out of your head. It sounds like they dealt with it well.

brastrapbroken · 04/08/2020 13:59

The point is slightly more subtle than that though - girls and women should feel empowered to remove themselves from situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

Empowered? Get a grip. Nobody needs empowerment to be able to handle a situation like this. Common sense maybe, and a bit of input from parents growing up, but it's not about bloody empowerment. What a lot of shit.

Nousernameforme · 04/08/2020 14:06

If something feels off then that's enough to get away from the situation. I am not on about shouting fire and calling the police but just to be firm rude if needed and extract yourself.

I remember once when I was DS who was about 9 got a bit ahead of me on a street in town. It wasn't busy and I could see him but it wasn't evident he was with anybody iyswim. When a man and a woman approached him and asked him if he knew the name of the road he said yes and pointed at the sign I hurried up at this point and they smiled at me and walked away.

Now this could have been completely innocent or they could have been a couple of predators who knows but it felt off. And if it feels wrong you should always trust yourself and get out of the situation. At worst a stranger thinks you've been rude.