DD (14) and her friend approached by a stranger

[Rollergirl11]

today while they were out shopping a woman came over and asked them if they knew where she could buy some cigarettes and/or a lighter. DD replied that sorry she didn’t know and the woman kept trying to engage them in conversation, asking where the Tesco Express was. DD said that she wasn’t from the town and she doesn’t smoke so she couldn’t help and the woman reluctantly left them alone.

DD and friend definitely look their age so can’t think of any reason why someone would ask them about buying cigarettes in a busy city centre where there are undoubtedly more appropriate people to approach. My immediate thoughts were thar it sounded dodgy and the woman was a distraction in order to pick pocket or something like that but DD doesn’t go out with a bag and just uses Apple Pay on her phone which she was holding.

Maybe the lady was genuinely after cigarettes but just sounds dodgy to me. Has anybody ever experienced this? Do people think this woman was up to no good?

Steady on brastrapbroken 😄

Most adults are self sufficient, so should be able to navigate being lost without asking teenagers about cigarettes

• it's easier to ask a passerby then look it up in Google maps
• Google maps doesn't always tell you the safest/best walking route to places
• not everyone has a smartphone/credit/sufficient internet savvy
• it's actually pretty rare to find printed maps outside of main city centres. And they may be currently switched off if touchscreens.

I get asked for directions all the time. In some cases, the person is a long way away from where they want to go and heading in the wrong direction.

And for those saying "why ask 2 14 year olds?" - it sounds like they were stood about whereas others would be more purposefully walking.

and most people don't have a clue how old teenagers are. Particularly girls where you can't judge by height as much as you can for boys.

Surely what was wrong was that when they said they didn't know, she didn't just say thanks anyway and walk away.

op look up self defense classes for teenage girls. They usually teach situational awareness how to be aware how to trust yourself

Ever heard of human trafficking, folks? In this day and age mobile phones are so common that I find it dodgy a grown ass adult asks teenagers for directions unless they're out on a hike rurally without mobile network coverage

Ever heard of human trafficking, folks?
Is that a serious post? I can't quite tell.

Just from the point of being a shop worker -

could it have been that the lady was one of those 'secret shoppers' who try to catch shops up that sell cigarettes and alcohol to underage kids?

If the girls had said yes, they knew where she could get cigarettes and a lighter (why OR a lighter? She either needed to smoke or she didn't, they two aren't interchangeable items) - then she may have asked further questions to ascertain whether they may be worth investigating (by sending in someone clearly underage to try to purchase cigarettes).

That's the sanest explanation on the thread, Zaphod
White slavers, on the other hand...

Oh! So now we are telling young girls not have any boundaries, that a grown up can ask them whatveer they want and all they have to do is be polite?

If your DD felt something was odd then she was right - for her something about the exchange made her feel uncomfortable and she can just assume the woman was weird and she dealt with it well!

Anyone saying she needs to get a grip needs to remember that she is of an age when she is learning how to do just that. Sneering at her juvenile version of setting her own boundaries, saying no to an adult, must have a very short memory. We all went through it.. and yes, a feeling of empowerment, self actualisation, independent actions is what it is.

Whether the woman was lost, lonely, looking for shops that sell cigarettes to young teens (they don't pick them up on street corners by the way), or just odd, it doesn't matter. OPs DD did nothing wrong and all OP has to do is tell her that!

I wasn't suggesting that she picked up the girls to get them to try to buy cigarettes - she may have been picking up the 'word on the street' about shops that were liable to sell to underage customers.

Yes, sure, if you feel uncomfortable in a situation you should listen to your gut and it’s good that the girls did that. But it seems a bit OTT to then start a thread asking people to speculate about what this woman was up to.

@EKGEMS she didn’t initially ask them for directions though; she asked them if they knew where the closest place was to buy cigarettes? Which is a perfectly reasonable question to ask, I don’t think that any 14 year olds are so sheltered that they can’t hear the word cigarette.

I don’t tend to ask anyone for directions, but I would be completely confused if someone considered me ‘dodgy’ for asking teenagers for directions or where the nearest shop was in a place I was unfamiliar with. I would pick someone who looked like they might be local and didn’t look busy!

Your daughter was quite right to end the conversation if she felt uncomfortable, regardless of who she was talking to. But I don’t think there’s anything to worry about, and I don’t think the woman did anything wrong.

Referring to the neighbourhood weirdo maybe impolite, but as adults we learn to manage interactions with people who have different social boundaries to us.

Teens need to acquire the skills to navigate these encounters too. It's usually OK to be polite but firm as your DD was by the sound of things.

@Zaphodsotherhead

Just from the point of being a shop worker -

could it have been that the lady was one of those 'secret shoppers' who try to catch shops up that sell cigarettes and alcohol to underage kids?

If the girls had said yes, they knew where she could get cigarettes and a lighter (why OR a lighter? She either needed to smoke or she didn't, they two aren't interchangeable items) - then she may have asked further questions to ascertain whether they may be worth investigating (by sending in someone clearly underage to try to purchase cigarettes).

You have got to be joking?

My ten year old can tell you Tesco sell cigarettes for fucks sake, that's no reason to investigate Tesco.

Of all the theories on this thread I think yours is the silliest.

Thank you. I've gone from being one of the sanest suggestions on the thread to one of the silliest.

That's going some, even for me!