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Original poster

I hate him right now

68 replies

Iwishamillion · 02/08/2020 02:15

Today my oh went out to the pub to meet friends to watch the football. I was going to a friends a few hours later to have a few drinks. My friend has been shielding so this was her first meet up.
I got home just before midnight to find OH having an argument with our ds 18 and dd 16.
It just seemed to be a ridiculous scene with oh acting very unreasonably and making an argument about nothing.
He was clearly pretty drunk and the kids were kind of bemused and also annoyed at his constant insistence they were being rude to him ( they weren’t)
They both went to sit in Ds’s room to get away from him and he barged in and started unplugging the PlayStation and grabbed my Ds’s phone. The whole time he was shouting about disrespect.
I stood in between him and the kids as there was no way he was getting near them. This made him furious and he started calling me a drunken slut, an embarrassment and an ugly cunt.
The whole time I was trying to calm him down and get him out the room. He lunged at my son so I grabbed his sleeve and tried to pull him away. This resulted in him turning and slapping me several times on the back of the head and arm.
I managed to push him out the room and got him into our bedroom. He continued to rant at me that I was the cause of this and I started it.
Just awful, after a good long while of insults I’ve convinced him to go to bed.
I’m now sitting downstairs weeping. My kids are ok, they came next gave me a hug and have gone to bed.
I’m now sitting contemplating what the hell I do next. I hate him and just tried to get him to calm down as I can’t drive due to having some wine at my friends.
All I want to do it get my children and leave. I feel like a shit mum as they shouldn’t have had to witness that, i just need to vent to anyone that’s still awake.
I’m hoping things will be less horrendous in the morning.

OP posts:
wilynectarine · 02/08/2020 02:16

You are not a shit mum, he's a shit father. What plans can you put in place to leave him ?

Original poster
Iwishamillion · 02/08/2020 02:19

I honestly don’t know what to do, I want to kick him out but can’t imagine he’ll go.

OP posts:
MitziK · 02/08/2020 02:21

You could call the police and report his assault upon you? After all, there's another adult witness to his crime.

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Original poster
Iwishamillion · 02/08/2020 02:24

I can’t face calling the police tonight and causing another awful scene. I think he’s fallen asleep so would rather wait until morning before I did anything like that. More for my kids sake, I’ve told them I’m ok and they’ve gone to bed. I want them to have a sleep and chat to them in the morning about it.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 02/08/2020 02:34

I honestly don’t know what to do

Get some rest. Everyone is home and safe. And I know your head is probably melted with questions and fear. Just know tomorrow will come. And then go.

And you could do with some sleep/quiet time before you deal with it.

ArabSprings · 02/08/2020 02:36

I’m so sorry you’ve been through that OP, I suppose it doesn’t matter if he’s done this before or if it’s the first time, as you’re right no one should ever have to experience that and no children should ever have to witness it. I would sleep on it and consider your options in the morning, like getting finances in order, and do you and DCs have somewhere you could go first thing? Is he likely to sleep off his hangover and get up late? Perhaps pack some things now and then you’ll feel more confident about going in the morning. I think reporting the assault is also something that needs to be done. I hope you manage to get some rest. Virtual hugs being sent your way x

TellingTelephone · 02/08/2020 02:44

Oh god I'm so sorry this happened to you and your children saw too. If you're up to it make yourself a cup of tea/coffee and have a biscuit or something. It will help to be "doing" something. If I were you, and it will be upsetting, if you have any marks on you I'd take photos on your phone. Then try and get some rest, put the TV on low for company and just lie down on the sofa/floor with a blanket and let the noise drown out the other thoughts. In the morning you can speak properly to the children. Perhaps go out for a walk or breakfast to remove yourselves from the house.

hammie46i · 02/08/2020 02:48

You're right to hate him and I hope you can find the strength to leave, and report his assault to the police.

Thornhill58 · 02/08/2020 02:50

Nothing you can do for now. See what happens in the morning.

Northernsoullover · 02/08/2020 02:54

This is appalling but yes, the best thing you can do right now is try and get some rest (if he's asleep and its safe to do so).

Guiltypleasures001 · 02/08/2020 02:56

What's the housing situation op?
Is he their dad, are you married etc

So sorry this has happened to you Thanks

Greyblueeyes · 02/08/2020 03:01

You aren't a shit mum. You tired to defend your kids. Your husband is abusive. Drunk or not, his behavior isn't ok.

Greyblueeyes · 02/08/2020 03:03

Would you like to talk to us and maybe figure out your next steps? Not necessarily calling the police because I understand your reluctance to do that. But we could chat about your financial and housing situation, so you could be making plans on moving forward. I'm so sorry OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/08/2020 03:13

You poor thing. Thanks

Colouringaddict · 02/08/2020 03:23

Has he done this before? No excuse for violence at any time, but if it is a pattern of behaviour you could contact Women’s Aid in the morning?

AbsentmindedWoman · 02/08/2020 04:37

You are not a shit mum at all!

I am so sorry this happened to you. He is an arsehole.

JingsMahBucket · 02/08/2020 06:07

You’re right to hate him. Keep that anger come daylight because then you’ll be less likely to forgive him and sweep this under the rug. He’s a shit father. This isn’t your fault at all.

Contact Women’s Aid in the morning along with family and friends. Please don’t feel ashamed. This kind of abuse flourishes in secrecy. It’s okay to tell other people in order to get help, including his friends.

MinesAPintOfTea · 02/08/2020 06:12

Don't feel you need to talk to him before calling the police. You don't need his permission to report a crime he has committed. Nor do you need his permission to take the children somewhere else for a few days whilst everyone cools off.

If he's sleeping off a hangover you can use that time.

Weenurse · 02/08/2020 06:27

Report the assault so there is a record in case he goes off in the future.
Then talk to DC and decide what is the best for you all.
Then, ask him to go if needs be.

ArabSprings · 02/08/2020 09:35

How are things this morning OP, are you alright?

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 02/08/2020 09:38

Call the police. He assaulted you. Seems to me to be the easiest way to get him out.

Quartz2208 · 02/08/2020 09:41

he needs to go this morning once he is awake

If he wont go call the police

Original poster
Iwishamillion · 02/08/2020 10:58

He appeared this morning very sheepish and claims he can’t remember. He’s gone out a bike ride, I’m getting some things together and taking my dc’s to stay at my brothers. He doesn’t know I’m doing this. I feel sick at the memory of last night, I need some distance from the situation. Financially he has the much better job and covers the mortgage etc, I pay the utilities and food bills. To be honest I can’t even think about that right now, I just want to get out of this house.

OP posts:
Gilead · 02/08/2020 11:11

You’re doing the right thing, he assaulted you. I hope you can get away safely. 💐

Sexnotgender · 02/08/2020 11:15

He appeared this morning very sheepish and claims he can’t remember.

Neither here nor there, the important thing is you remember. Being drunk isn’t an excuse.

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