Never going to buy a house

[Juiceey]

Just that, really. I feel really sad about it.

Me and OH are in our mid thirties and forties and know it's realistically never going to happen for us. We live in Herts and pay a whopping £1500 a month for rent (for a 2 bed house >not envy) and simply can't afford to save for a deposit as well. On top of that we're in an expensive town anyway, a 2 bed house to buy is at least 400k.

It's sad, considering we both earn good money, to know we're in this position. I'm trying to stay positive about it- we're SUPER lucky after years of bad luck (moving every year thanks to landlords selling etc) to be in a secure lovely let- our house is owned by a charity, they will never sell or evict us, and is about 10 times nicer than anything we could ever dream of buying. It's just small but at least we can decorate as we wish and feel really happy here.

(We really can't move away somewhere cheaper. DC are at school, we live smack in the middle of both of our workplaces, I have a grandparent who relies on me etc, not to mention endless friends and family. We couldn't/wouldn't want to live away from our people)

So how do I get over the sadness?

We have a whole generation who own all the houses and the next generation who don't get a look in. It's not fair.

I don't think they own all of the houses, do they, what a ridiculous statement.

There definitely is a generation that own their own homes more than the young do just now.
My eldest is 28 and out of all his friends and colleagues only one of them has a mortgage ( moved away with his job to a cheaper area in order to buy one) and one had a place given to her by her Nan , Needs lots of work apparently , but they can live in it. (What the set up is regards money etc I'm not sure. )
All the others work , but live at home or rent.
By the age of 28 Dh and I had a mortgage and all our friends and work colleagues did too! Every single one. Houses were not dirt cheap but they were affordable and we only had normal jobs and incomes!
It's very sad I think that so many people struggle even ones who do earn ' good' money and I think obtaining a mortgage will just get harder and harder as the banks take a hit over Covid and so on.
The government probably just hope that parents will help them out or do the equity release scheme if they own a place. They don't seem too bothered about helping the young to buy anything and new places are even more expensive ( round here they are anyway)

Yes I can understand why are feeling a bit deflated. But it sounds like you are very lucky to have a charity as your landlord - as you say it's very unlikely they will sell. You have the stability which is why a lot of people purchase a property. What I would say, is that there is a lot of flexibility and freedom to renting, that home owners don't have. You don't have to pay for a new roof, you don't have to fix a leaking shower (plumber can come round when you're at work!), you don't have to buy a boiler every 10-15 years. Renting does have its perks. Also, if you want to move (sounds like you should stay put) you don't have to worry about stamp duty, interest rates on mortgages going up, neighbour disputes etc. Would you have to pay for new carpets / new bathroom etc? Or does your landlord do that? when owning, that cost is obviously on top of mortgage, so renting definitely has perks!

I can totally understand why you would want to own, but I do think we become a bit obsessed with owning a property in the UK and forget about all the costs. A lot of people do it so they can leave money to their children - but then the government take 40%

Please don't be too hard on yourself.

But yeah.. it's bloody ridiculous what we have to go through to buy a house!!!!

This! Figured out if we forgo holidays, days out, etc for the next 5 years I could buy. By which time I've missed out on having that time with the DC having fun and am then responsible for maintaining a house which will possibly end up sold to pay for care and DC won't get the benefit then either.

There definitely is a generation that own their own homes more than the young do just now

Dd at 18 bought her first place for cash. 22 year old carpet fitter who came round recently had his own flat and was celebrating that the mortgage rates had gone down.
A few of dds friends have bought with a mortgage.
So it is possible.
However none of them went to uni. Some started work at 16 and all had started work by 18 at the latest and they were very flexible in where they bought.

They bought in quite grotty areas but it cost them much less than renting.

By the age of 28 Dh and I had a mortgage and all our friends and work colleagues did too!

So did my DH and I, but we didn’t run a car, didn’t go on holidays and weekends away, most of our furniture was gifted from friends and relatives, we weren’t going on nights out, weren’t buying clothes - basically our lifestyle was pretty restricted to afford our first flat and again when we moved into a bigger house.

You can’t have it all.

@Jellycatspyjamas

By the age of 28 Dh and I had a mortgage and all our friends and work colleagues did too!

So did my DH and I, but we didn’t run a car, didn’t go on holidays and weekends away, most of our furniture was gifted from friends and relatives, we weren’t going on nights out, weren’t buying clothes - basically our lifestyle was pretty restricted to afford our first flat and again when we moved into a bigger house.

You can’t have it all.

Not everyone that rents has all that either!!!

We do have a car because we live rural and DH job is rural, public transport is only good in major city centres!! The rest of us can’t rely on once hourly buses that go nowhere near where you need them to!

Don’t go on fancy holidays. Normally camping or staying with family etc. Our Big holiday we had last year was driving to a eurocamp which was the fanciest holiday we’ve ever had!!
Don’t go on weekends away.
Don’t go out on nights out/drinking in pubs/lunch out. Probably go on 2 nights out a year which is normally work Xmas dos!
Clothes are from Matalan clearance store and normally cost no more than £5! Kids clothes are from Asda/H&M at a push.
Our dining table is still the one FIL gave us from a house clearance 15 years ago, any new furniture is always only when something breaks and is always the cheapest thing in ikea.

Renting does have its perks, IF you’ve got a good landlord. I’ve lived in my rented house for several years and the carpets need replacing but the landlord isn’t interested. My kitchen is ancient with bits held together by tape. Again as it’s still functional, not interested. I’d much rather own my house even if it means saving up to get things replaced and fixed.

Renting often means you can’t decorate or have pets either and it’s never feels like yours, because it isn’t.

Could you do help to buy (not read all this thread). Some friends did this because they were good earners but no help from parents so were struggling to save & live.

Or buy somewhere else & rent that out until it suits you more to move too?

3 of my colleagues bought in their home towns & rent the properties out whilst house sharing in London. 2 are now moving back because they will be wfh 4 days a wk.

It’s not about paying rent -v- mortgage though, most people could service a mortgage month to month but don’t have a deposit (understandably getting 10/15% together is a huge amount of money). I agree the easiest time to save for a deposit is when you’re out of school/uni, have a job but no real commitments which is also the time you want to run a car, go on holiday, go out drinking etc. For most folk, doing both is beyond their means on a first wage.

In the OPs case, they’re on pretty much 6 figures - at that level buying a house isn’t remotely impossible, but it means unpalatable choices about lifestyle and where you live and what you live in.

I agree that dh and I didn't go out much and lived on beans for years in order to save up and pay a mortgage with 15 percent interest rates early 90s ( and move out to cheaper areas) but kids today save and don't go out etc and they can't buy anything much at all with low interest rates! That's the difference; no wonder some think ' sod it' and decide to just not bother saving or go on holiday : there is only so much you can take and the prices are eye watering!

It sounds like a really difficult situation, but as with everything over time your circumstances will change and I agree with PP that your best bet is looking towards the next phase of your life once the DC have left home. I have a friend on a similar combined income to you who just got a £175k mortgage in her late 50s with her DP as first time buyers. For various reasons they’d never been able to buy before and were able to take advantage of the help to buy scheme.

I appreciate there’s no way you can move now - caring for an elderly relative and needing to be near your DC’s father aren’t exactly lifestyle choices! - but perhaps consider where you may be able to look in 10-15 year’s time and save towards that. And, despite what PP say, cheap areas aren’t always cheap for a reason . Okay, it’s not exactly dirt cheap, but you could get a new build terrace in my very ‘naice’ northern market town for less than £200k, and a flat for under £150k.

I haven't read the whole thread yet but will with interest.

This was us a few years ago. We managed to save £10,000 over about 6 years and bought 2 years ago with a 5% deposit.

We didn't go in holiday for 7 years or longer and it just became normal not to.

We live in a maisonette bought for £200,000 in an incredibly expensive part of the country. We have our own private garden and parking near DDs school.

We feel really lucky despite not having a huge amount of space as work is nearby too.

I never thought it would happen though, it was so, so hard to save as we are on very average salaries. When we bought we were both in our 40s and could only get a 23 year mortgage.

Mortgage is more expensive than any rent we've ever paid though I guess cos our deposit was so small.

This is not helpful I know but I know how it feels to spend so much on rent and struggle to save.

PS we didn't have any financial support from family which can make it even more frustrating when you see friends buying with big deposits.

@Juiceey I know this isn’t what you want to hear but sometimes owning a house isn’t the be all and end all.

We just bought our house and it’s shit. we have so many regrets! we bought the shittest house in the nicest area as well.

We’re looking at moving back into rented ASAP

Can you save £6k per year and put it into a fund to buy a 1 bed apartment for around £120k when you retire? By then your children will have flown the nest and you can buy in a cheap, but pretty place in the UK or in Spain/Portugal/France.

@2coffeesinbed out of interest what do you regret?

@EggsScrambled oooh I could write a nice long list but I’ll try and keep it short

1. our budget was so small we ended up in a tiny house. We could rent a house with an extra bedroom and extra reception room for the same as our mortgage (ideal now we’re working from home more often) but we felt the pressure to buy and thought we were doing the right thing!

2. the neighbours nearby are awful (somehow missed this despite viewing the house many times!) and we’re stuck with them. If we rented we could literally give notice and move elsewhere to get away from neighbours.

3. the nicest / safest street doesn’t equal a nice community really miss our old neighbours and their friendliness. 6 years of feeling safe at home but ditched it all just to be a homeowner.

4. circumstances change. People lose their jobs and you can get stuck with a hefty monthly mortgage repayment. Renting means you can say “ok I’ve been made redundant and this rent is too high. Let’s look at a cheaper / smaller place potentially nearer a new job”.

5. selling and buying is expensive

I think buying a house just before coronavirus has been a huge mistake for us. We couldn’t foresee homeschooling and working from home. Nor could we foresee redundancies The only way out is to find employment and relocate (and rent while selling up or become accidental landlords)

But anyway. I’m just feeling grumpy and bitter.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that home ownership doesn’t = happiness.

And renting doesn’t = happiness either.

Not everything is right for everybody x

Why have children before you've bought a house?

These threads always seem to become a bit of a race to the bottom, who struggled the most and lived on beans the longest to save for a house.

That is an impressive achievement to be so dedicated to something, and hats off - but the underlying cause is just so depressing. Being housed, even housed somewhere that you (God forbid) actually want to live, shouldn't necessitate a decade of deprivation. And we shouldn't be picking over each others spending and accusing each other of being profligate for daring to want both a house and the odd holiday or even takeaway coffee.

I know this isn't practically helpful, OP - the messed up housing market is what it is. But you seemed to be more after sympathy than advice and it is just shit and terribly unfair

Renting is fine till you can no longer pay.

Just be careful Juiceey that you haven’t made a gilded cage for yourself that in time will feel like a prison.

One friend thought all his prayers were answered when he became a sitting tenant renting a room for £60 per month and being a sitting tenant meant the landlord couldn’t kick him out..ever.

He is still living 42 years later in his £60 per month room.
It is a poisoned chalice.
He can’t see what his friends could see that he had stepped out of living a life once he got the tenancy.

He has never married he never had a family he became stuck in an old house where everyone around him was moving forward and he didn’t want to move because of having this wonderfully cheap tenancy.
It is really sad but in different scenarios I have seen this play out with other people too.

Yes the rented house is lovely and you never have to move but do you really want to be stuck trying to find £2000 + per month when you are both drawing your pension.

2coffeesinbed I don’t think you have given it enough time to feel settled in your new home.
I also think you are also looking at renting as something amazing

A lot of what you have written you can do whilst owning.
At least if you don’t like a place when you have bought you can sell immediately or rent out if you need to move very quickly.
If you have signed an AST then you have to wait at least 6 months.

And at least mortgage payments have an end date.
Renting doesn’t end it carries on for life and if you can’t pay when you become older then you are literally kicked out on the streets.
There isn’t a safety net or some wonderful housing officer with a nice flat waiting to house an old woman or man. You lose the roof over your head you are on the streets.

Colin - some people would never have kids if they waited till they could buy a house. Not everyone I in this fortunate position and as long as they can provide a home for their kids I dont see why they should miss out on parenthood!

Oliver's mum - I can't see the op ending up like your friend! I think his circumstances are probably down to more than cheap rent. The op is luck to have a secure tenancy imo.

The rest of your post I disagree with. 6 months is really nothing I you don't like a rental. That's not much of an argument. But buying a house then selling it costs thousands in fees.
Housing benefit also still exists, even for older people. It's a bit dramatic to suggest older people will just be thrown onto the streets willy nilly!

Why not get on the waiting list for a council House, it may take some time but once you get one every year you are there is money off if you exercise your right to buy. I've only been a tenant 10 years but would get 40% off if I bought mine now, plus it will be cheaper than private renting. I just treat the rent as if I was paying a mortgage, what I pay each year, I will in effect get part of it back in the discount I will get when I buy.

Either grandma stumps up to help you or you move.