Is looking after a 1 yr old easier than looking after a 6 month old?

[kallookallee]

I'm making plans for when I go back to work when my baby is 12 months old. My mum really wants to have her one or two days a week, and I'd really like that too, as it feels like it would be great for their relationship and also there's the bonus of saving on nursery fees!

But my mum and I are trying to figure out whether it's realistic, my mum is nearing 70 and on her own and although she loves looking after her granddaughter, at the moment she's only ever had her for 3-4 hours at a time and she finds it quite tiring. If she looks after her when I'm at work it would be a full day 8am-6pm. My daughter seems quite 'active', she's happiest being bounced around or rolled around or basically quite 'physically' played with most of the time.

If looking after her stays this physically demanding I'm not sure my mum will be able to cope with looking after her, and I'm worried about making commitments around childcare (eg nursery days) that I then wouldn't be able to increase. But I have no experience of children so I don't know whether they get less 'physically' demanding as they get older? My mum is great at (and really enjoys) singing to her, or reading her books, or playing with toys. I'd really like to make it work and my mum will be disappointed if I say I think I need to put her in nursery full time but I also don't want to go ahead with it and then it proves too much for my mum.

Not really, probably harder in some ways.

One year olds are busy little things. Waking, running, getting into everything. They’re exhausting!

I'd say toddlers are much harder work than a 6 month old as they mobile. Having said that a fit nearly 70 year ild should be able to cope fine one day a week all day.

No! Once they're mobile they're much more challenging , more fun also , but definitely harder work.

Gosh yes, way harder. Crawling, toddling, walking, eyes in back of head stage. Which will continue for some time.

Everything is suddenly a danger, pulling themselves up, climbing, falling, jumping etc etc.

It's lovely your mum wants to be involved and I see your dilemma but it's hard work and exhausting. Perhaps short periods so you can catch up at home or could she pick up from nursery or drop off and have her a few hours before or after?

I'd say a 1 year old is harder. They're EVERYWHERE, you have to be on them 100% of the time. Depending on how active your mum is, maybe one day with her and the rest nursery or childminder.

Could your daughter do 1/2 day at nursery & half at your mum's? And see from there.
I'd say once LO is on the move, they are devils hard work. So it would depend on your mum's age and fitness id she is up to looking after a lively toddler.

Way harder in my experience. In fact I say 1-2yrs old was the hardest so far (my LO is only 3). But they are physically v active, no attention span, no communication, we had lots of quick jerky movements. Can you do half days? With your mum doing the other half (preferably the napping half)?

I think it depends on the child and the adult. For me and my dc, I thought the one year stage was far more physically demanding and tiring. At six months they nap a lot and can't really get away - perhaps roll away slowly but that's about it. At one year they are running away from you, trying to destroy the house and hurt themselves. You are on your feet all day chasing them and can't look away for a second. Books and games involving sitting still won't occupy them for long. Not to say it can't be done by a grandparent though.

I think a one year old is much more difficult than a 6 month old and I found it got even harder as my DC approached 2/3.
I think if your DM finds 3/4 hours tiresome now then unfortunately it's going to be too much for her.

Tiring. Sorry.

I'd say much harder - they are mobile but still a bit wobbly and with absolutely no sense of danger, you need to have an eye on them all the time, even to the point of taking them to the loo with you.

Many babies have settled into a good routine by that age though and will have a good two hour plus nap in the afternoon, which allows you to have a break and catch up on stuff.

Much harder at 1 than 6 months .

1 year olds definitely harder. They’re always moving and nothing is safe! You have to do a lot with them.
For some perspective my mum is 60, works full time and is also the main carer for my sisters children who are 4 and 7 (so essentially she’s still parenting small children full time at that age) and she’s said she couldn’t look after mine as toddlers for a whole day (there was no plan to, but it came up in conversation) it’s hard work.

Half days at nursery and half with your mum might be a good middle ground.

I think a 1yo is (usually) more physically tiring than a 6mo, but I also think it's partly a question of what you're used to. Your mum gets tired now because she's never had her for more than 3-4 hours.

If your mum is a reasonably healthy active woman in her late 60s, I'd be surprised if she couldn't cope with a 1yo for 1 day a week. It would be too much for my mum now though (at 78).

Harder. Could your dd do half days in nursery? I found days I could go to toddler group easy at that age if that’s an option. Obviously you still have to look after them but it’s a safe environment with lots of toys and engagement then home for lunch and a nap and before you know it it’s 3 o’clock

At six months I could leave my son on his playmat and go to the toilet and when I got back he'd be roughly where I left him.

By 1 he was much heavier but needed to be lifted just as much. He never stayed where I left him and he'd started toddling and therefore falling headfirst at anything that could hurt him (or at least it felt like he was aiming for sharp corners) he'd also dropped down to one nap a day.

Thanks everyone, it's really helpful to get a sense of what the reality of looking after her at that age will be like! I don't think the nursery I've been looking at do half days, but that could be a good option if they do, I'll check with them.

I'd say they're physically more active and into everything so you can't take your eyes off them (especially if not baby proofed home).
My dad had my dt half days - so I'd drop off at nursery and dad would pick up at lunch time dt would have a nap for him then spent a few hours playing /tea and I'd pick them up. Meant they could all have quality time together without it becoming a chore /too much.

Well I'm going to swim upstream!!

In some ways I find them easier as they're more independent and physically able. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In your situation I'd start with 1 day, see how your mum goes because she might be shattered but love it anyway, one day a week! or she might get used to it & be totally fine (and one day would be easy enough to find help for if it really is too much for her). There are loads of things you/she can do to make it easier and unless she has some serious underlying health issues one day would be fine She's only 70.

But each 79yo is different & each 1 yo - so is just give it a go for one day and see how it goes. Just make sure your mum realised that it's her choice, that you can afford nursery if necessary. That you'd love her to have her, but only if it's genuinely not too much.

My Great Aunt is an absolute star, she still has her youngest Grandson regularly. He's just turned 2 and she's 92! They have a fabulous time. She finds him easier now as he doesn't need picking up all the time.

They have things sorted between them, it's lovely.

😂 oh gosh 1 year olds are much harder than 6mo. And they get harder and harder emotionally and physically until 1)they're able to communicate effectively which reduces the sudden tantrums and 2) they don't constantly try and get into danger every minute of the day!
Also they don't sleep as much during the day so you don't get time to sit down and have a breather.
How about nursery for a morning, your mum picks up after lunch, hopefully baby will then sleep a few hours and then it's only a few hours of chasing the baby around x

It's much harder the older and more mobile they are. Having said that lots of grandparents care for little ones . They get into a routine and the children learn what is expected of them . It can be very successful. My DM looked after small children well into her 80s and if she was tired would read a story or watch them with duplo or Lego and while she was feeling lovely would fiddle in the garden or kitchen or go to the park . It was very successful. When I was a child we had a series of very elderly care givers which also worked well, they bring wisdom and experience after all
I think it is none of those things that you have to give a trial of to see if it will work from everyone'a point of view and then assess.

I meant one day a week, not just one day! 🙄

I have an 11 month old. I'm exhausted. He sleeps less than he did and he has so much energy and never sits still. I've been trying to read the same magazine for 6 weeks and I've managed 3 pages in that time because I'm constantly on the move after him.

Whilst it won't help with nursery costs, could you book your DD into the nursery full-time, but still arrange for your mum to have her say 2 afternoons a week? Less tiring for your mum, and also means she isn't tied to the childcare - ie if she wants to go on holiday, or is feeling under the weather, that doesn't cause a problem (make sure the nursery confirms that since you're paying for the time you can have it if you need it. 5 full-days doesn't usually cost much more than 4). From what I understand, having to be available 52 weeks /year is one of the big disadvantages of family care.

Your mum might be a bit disappointed, wanting to help you out by taking on a whole day and save nursery cost. But giving her DGD dedicated time each week is a wonderful, amazing thing to do - which your DD will get so much from - regardless of nursery savings. The grandparent/grandchild relationship is a truly wonderful one. Help her to see that you value the time she's offering for the joy it brings even more than practical childcare.