Is looking after a 1 yr old easier than looking after a 6 month old?

[kallookallee]

I'm making plans for when I go back to work when my baby is 12 months old. My mum really wants to have her one or two days a week, and I'd really like that too, as it feels like it would be great for their relationship and also there's the bonus of saving on nursery fees!

But my mum and I are trying to figure out whether it's realistic, my mum is nearing 70 and on her own and although she loves looking after her granddaughter, at the moment she's only ever had her for 3-4 hours at a time and she finds it quite tiring. If she looks after her when I'm at work it would be a full day 8am-6pm. My daughter seems quite 'active', she's happiest being bounced around or rolled around or basically quite 'physically' played with most of the time.

If looking after her stays this physically demanding I'm not sure my mum will be able to cope with looking after her, and I'm worried about making commitments around childcare (eg nursery days) that I then wouldn't be able to increase. But I have no experience of children so I don't know whether they get less 'physically' demanding as they get older? My mum is great at (and really enjoys) singing to her, or reading her books, or playing with toys. I'd really like to make it work and my mum will be disappointed if I say I think I need to put her in nursery full time but I also don't want to go ahead with it and then it proves too much for my mum.

Of course a 1 yr old is much harder work than a 6 month old.

If your mother doesn't remember/know that she's probably not fit to look after a child.

Oh, and it will work much better for your mum to do full days in a few years time when your DD is at school. Save her energy /goodwill for that!

A 5 year old is much easier for a grandparent to look after than a toddler! And once they're at school you have all the holidays to cover - and it's really tiring for small children to be in summer camps for weeks on end. Much nicer for them to have days at home with family.

So much harder! My 13MO is an absolute whirlwind, jumping off the sofa, trying to break through the baby gate, tantruming because I won’t let her eat her shoes...I miss the baby days 😩

Toddlers are hard! My son has just turned 2 and he is starting to get a little easier now he can follow instructions and communicate better. My mum used to have him when he was a baby but he was too much. She could probably manage a couple of hours now he’s a little older

I'm going to go against the grain and say easier, but that's just my experience.

My 1 year old eats well and no faffing about with bottles and weaning. She is mobile but much happier to entertain herself, so you can let her get on with it to an extent as long as the room is baby proofed. Her naps are totally predictable and the afternoon one is a decent 2 hrs so you get a proper break.

My mum is 69 and would probably find her easier now and way more interesting, but only for 1 day a week max.

@2bazookas

Of course a 1 yr old is much harder work than a 6 month old.

If your mother doesn't remember/know that she's probably not fit to look after a child.

Ha bit extreme! It was 37 years ago I was a baby so quite a long time ago!

Thanks everyone else for the really useful perspectives. Also preparing myself for the whirlwind that will descend once she’s on the move!

It will depend on child.

However I would be happy for them to go one day if your mum is happy. For one day a week they can stay around at her house, play in garden, be taken for a walk in pram etc. No need for her to have to go 101 places.

I think children learn to act differently with certain people also. ie calmer for granny, menace for parents!

Depends, my kids were crawling by 6 months so already on the move. If your LO is not crawling or walking yet then yes it will be much harder at 12 months. I think from 12-30 months (1 year to 2 years 6 months) is the most physically demanding time. They want to climb, run, walk, explore, be bounced on knees and swung in the air. Or they tantrum, scream, shout, etc. They are less distractible and unlike at 6m when you can strap them in a buggy or car seat and get them to have a nap and have a break, if they don't want to be strapped in at 12 months they make a much bigger fuss! At 18m ish it's total tantumsville and toddler tornados. I don't know how nursery's etc. Manage groups of them! My parents are a fair bit younger than that, in good health, work long hours etc. And still would really struggle with days that long.

It totally depends.

DS2 was easier at 12m than 6m because he could roll himself, tumble himself, move to grab the things he wanted rather than want lifted and rolled. He was much more content because he was much less frustrated

In general once they could move it's harder because you have to be on the ball more. With him he needed physically lifted less so it was easier.

Harder, esp as they often drop the log nap around 18-24 months, so you don’t even get a rest. If your mum is keen to have her, you could possibly book an activity that they can go to every week, so give your mum the chance to sit while she gets on with whatever it is.

I think it depends on the child.

Both of mine were really difficult at six months. My first DS had very bad reflux and cried for hours on end no matter what you did. It was emotionally and physically exhausting. By the age of 1 it had settled and he was so much more content.

My second DS was born with a health condition that made feeding really challenging with a risk of choking. Weaning was high stress at six months. Again, this had settled by a year.

Give me a toddler over a baby any day!

In general yes a 1yr old is much more demanding. Depends on child really. One of mine was happy to toddle around after me and wasn’t too physically demanding. The other was a complete whirlwind into everything and I was absolutely exhausted with them.

Even the chilled our 1yr old is still more physically demanding though. They still need lifting and moving in out cars prams etc and are much heavier so it’s harder going. I know my mum found that part the hardest as I had wee chunky toddlers. She could run around with them playing chase them etc but lifting into swings car seats highchairs off the floor during tantrums was hard for her (she just babysat not regular childcare).

Ideally half day nursery half with granny would be good. Or else have full day nursery then granny for backup if little ones not feeling well or for normal babysitting.

Also don’t assume your 1yr old will have a lovely 2hr afternoon nap. I never had that. I spend hours and hours of my life pushing prams getting them to sleep (never slept in cots in daytime they refused no matter what I tried). It was soul destroying and physically demanding as well.

Definitely harder. When my twins were 6 months they were much easier - feeding and changing them was an endless task but they would stay where I put them 😂

Once they’re mobile it’s so much harder especially at the stage where they are mobile but not stable, start climbing sofas and falling off etc. I don’t know what it’s like having 1 (much easier I’m sure as you can be on top of them) but it’s definitely more tiring once they can move around.

Also, anyone saying that they are more independent - that comes for different kids at different ages. My twins are both autistic so I don’t know what it’s like having a NT toddler, but there are no guarantees that any child will be more independent by any point. At that age my two were quite interested in each other and various toys and would happily play in a play pen for a while. Then they hit 18 months and that all stopped. Obviously I’m not saying that your child will have any difficulties but you just can’t know.

If your mum struggles with short periods now I would say it’s not going to work for full days at a trickier age

I found 1yr much easier than 6 months - napped reliably, ate reliably, could be sat up to play with toys for a bit longer.

I agree with others - half day at nursery, grandparent collects and settles them down for a nap, bit of play and maybe dinner after.

It does depend a bit on the baby - I found DS harder work in every way, including physically, before he was mobile because he constantly wanted to be carried and jiggled around and he was generally quite miserable, whereas once he could move he was much happier and would crawl/walk around by himself. We had good baby proofing so that was actually more relaxing for me! I think he just hated being a baby. But, as this thread shows, I think it's unusual to find them easier when they're mobile and I also think there was an element of getting used to it that your mum won't have - for instance, I can't believe I used to find DS heavy to carry as a five month old given that I lug around two stone of toddler all the time now, but I must have got stronger because I really did.

Would your mum be on her own? My parents and in-laws each have DS fortnightly but I think it makes a big difference that in both cases there's two of them to one of him.

I'd say a one year old is harder as they are on the move and into everything!

@2bazookas

Of course a 1 yr old is much harder work than a 6 month old.

If your mother doesn't remember/know that she's probably not fit to look after a child.

What a nasty post.

Plus not actually correct. Not everyone finds 1 yo more work & not every 1yo is harder than they were at 6 months.

But your post is just unnecessarily nasty.

Nope, once they are mobile it is a lot harder.

As an ex nanny and childminder I would strongly recommend you don't rely on your mum for childcare in this instance.

A 6 month old who is fairly limited mobility wise is FAR less tiring than a walking, active 1+ year old!

Bet she's never had baby 2 days in a row either?

A regular role would quickly become exhausting and less pleasurable for her and worrying for you.

Plus would this be happening in her home? Which is very likely NOT toddler friendly?

Just to note - it's much easier to drop days at most nurseries than to add them, and it's also much nicer psychologically to prepare for the more expensive option! If I were you I'd book her in for the full number of nursery days you'd need without your mum now - you can always re-evaluate later but you don't want to find yourself in the situation where you don't think your mum can realistically do it but you haven't got any other option.

I found it harder once they were on the move. This thread is interesting though, because it seems the majority agree with me, in real life I find that most people say it gets easier the older they are! I seem to remember 4-12 months was the easiest bit, then 1-2 years the hardest, and it was noticeably easier from age 3. That may have just been mine though, they're all different!

I'd say easier, but mine was mobile at six months (crawling up the stairs). At 12 months he'd been walking for a month and he had more sense so I didn't need to chase after him all the time. He was on the go non-stop from six to 18 months, from 18 months he was MUCH easier as he would sit with a toy or book or puzzle.

If dc isn’t walking then it might be manageable. My mum who is 68 but with health issues looked after DD 1 day a week from 12 months old until lockdown with no issues. Since then DD started walking and my mum has been honest and said she’d really struggle to manage a full day every week until DD is older. DD is an easy child generally but is constantly climbing and my mum would struggle to take her anywhere as she just runs off and does not follow any instructions but refuses the pushchair. She also still puts everything in her mouth but she’s knows not to which is why she does it! My mum has said once DD starts listening and stays still a bit more she’ll go back to having her

My DS walked at 10 months. And ran the next day and has never stopped since. He’s 5 now. I was utterly exhausted until he was about 3 and could be mostly trusted not to just run into traffic or throw himself off something every second I turned my back. My fit and healthy 60 year old parents and in-laws struggled having him for a day. And there were 2 of them. You really had to have eyes in the back of your head.

My DD on the other hand is just much calmer. She never runs off and is much less agile so isn’t much of a climber. Shes also much more cautious, will cry to be lifted down off high things rather than trying herself. Physically she’s way less demanding

So yes it does really depend on the child. But in general toddlers are more physical work than babies!

If it's feasible I would ask her either to drop the little one off in the morning or pick her up and give her tea.

It also depends on your relationship with her... if your Mum is looking after her for the full day, will she feed her the way you want etc? Can be tricky. Our parents are of such a different generation when it comes to weaning etc. I know my Mum would have been giving mine chocolate buttons every 10 mins.