If you are loving your life, tell me why you feel this way

[Snog]

Looking for some life wisdom here....
If you are loving your life, what do you attribute this to?

Luck, mostly.

I'm content with what I have. From the outside, my life may be nothing to aspire to - single parent, having to rent in my late 40s, not much money. Fat! On the other hand, I see it as: I have a job that interests and challenges me, I live in an area I like in a house I love. I have wonderful friends and my dc is (teenage angst aside) is a complete joy and I love spending time with her. I spend my free time doing things that interest me. My life is good and although I have aspirations (places to visit, maybe seek a promotion, lose a stone or 2) my aspirations are about me, not about comparing my life with others and aspiring to what they may have. If everyone threw their lives, jobs, homes and families into the air, I would run to grab mine back.

Hey Venus, say more!

Apologies for excessive use of "aspire " in various forms...

@Commentutappelles - that seems like good life wisdom

Have you always loved your life?

Recovery from hard time. DH was ill for a long time (mental illness) and I had two under 2 in a small house, scraps of dead-end freelance jobs and constant anxiety he would lose his job because of his problems. I was his 24/7 therapist and carer. There were many times when I should have left for my own sanity.

We now live in a large detached house in a nicer area of the country and I start my new job next month after 150 applications and 30+ unsuccessful interviews. Never ever ever give up. I feel a sense of achievement and gratitude for things we never used to have, like a bedroom to myself, a lovely DH who can participate in family life in normal and totally boring ways (!), two happy healthy children and the next phase of my career about to start.
I think it's luck, building a life that fits what you want to get out of it, and a positive attitude to be grateful for what you have.

Sorry to be smug

I’m content. I’m healthy, all my family is healthy. We have a warm, dry, comfortable home that we’ve made beautiful. I have many bookshelves which makes me happy. DH is wonderful. DD is the light of my life and watching her learning and growing and enjoying her sense of humour is incredible.

We have a pretty simple life but lockdown has made me realise we need even less than I thought we did. I’m cooking a lot, that makes me happy. We’ve been able to catch up with friends in the last couple of weeks and we know some excellent people, I missed them but they’re even better in person than I’d remembered.

A lot of it is luck.

For me, in a nutshell, it mostly boils down to being a bit of a mess when younger and now being very grateful for the good life I have - lovely husband, 2 DC, nice house, good family relationships, health.

I only met my husband when I was 33 so the possibility of not having these things seemed very real and, tbh, if I hadn't been able to have children I'd have been devastated. We do also have a comfortable life and I've done lots of travelling & partying so I don't feel I've missed out on anything. So, yes, luck and being very grateful for what I have

Do you feel dissatisfied? Can you pinpoint specifics that you don't like about your life?

I wish more people would join in in this thread! Because I too am wondering what it's down to. From outside my life is pretty good and I am conscious of it but I'm definitely not saying- I'm loving life, I wish I would! Is it really down to your mindset, affirmation which seems to be so popular just now...

I have enough money to do the things I really want to do (live by the sea, enjoy a takeaway, ride a horse in the countryside) and I am very lucky to have lovely people around me to do those things with. I enjoy my job and it is relatively secure. I am grateful every day because life has not always been like this and it may not be this way for ever.

I can come at this from the other angle. I gave up everything I had worked for and built up for the sake of moving for my husband's career.
My husband then showed his true colours as an utter bastard. Looking back on the life I had, and lost, here is what made it good.

1. Having independence and personal agency through having my own money and career. I would absolutely say to any person that this is the single most important thing in life. It gives you choices and agency. Never be financially dependent on anyone else.
2. Having a sense of people and place. Nurture good friendships with good people. Appreciate the sense of place that comes from living somewhere you feel connected to through your simple living of a life you like in a place you like. I hate where I live now - I do not belong here and I don't have good friendships. I can't even begin to describe how anchorless, disconnected and desolate this makes you feel.
3. Only have friendships and relationships with people who can see and know you and help to build you up to achieve your ambitions. Never stay in any relationship where you are expected to sacrifice what is important to you, for what is important to them. No one who really sees you will ask you to do this.
4. never make you happiness dependent on any one other person. You always need to be able to walk away from people.
5. Find simple pleasures in life, have a variety of interests, find life and people interesting.

@Snog

Have you always loved your life?

No. I did, but then I went through a horrendous divorce, went from very well off to totally broke, death of several immediate family members and various other stresses. I felt very much that my life was over at 35. But, trite as they may seem, so many of the dreadful little quotes actually were created for a reason and I just papered the inside of my head with them: when you get to the bottom, the only way is up. If the tunnel is dark, go down it and put the light on. One I got from MN: Comparison is the thief of joy. I decided I was not going to let all of that fuck up my life and that I deserved to be happy. It was not that easy, that's a very condensed version, but I was not prepared to spend my life sad and bitter and wistful. So I don't. I'm aware that sounds very corny!!

I realise my good fortune, in short. No need to spell everything out here but I feel very lucky.

I have enough and I'm happy with that. I don't really have dreams, if I won the lottery, I can't imeadiately say what I'd change (although it would be a surprise, as I don't play).

I have a nice house in a fairly rough area but the people are "decent". I have a good job and have always lived well within my means, I don't want fancy cars, holidays or clothes so, apart from some spells of financial hardship when young, have always saved and never had money worries.

I have a few friends/acquaintances and an interest where I belong to a club so I have an active social life but not particularly close friends. No one I'm in touch with every day, but I'm happy with that.

I feel very lucky to have got my boys to teens without too much trauma and I'm still married to their dad, though I have financial independence. I know, eventually, I'd be "OK" without him should the worst happen

TBH, I think the biggest factor in my "contentment" is the security and self esteem given to me by my parents. I'm happy with my own company and don't feel the need to prove myself to anyone with showy possessions etc. It's also meant I've always felt secure in my relationship with DH and not overly dependent on him. He makes me happy but he's not responsible for my happiness.

Hard work
Good family relationships and nice friends
A sense of fulfilment and achievement
Altruism and a sense of responsibility for those around us who are less able to give
A strong moral conviction and less strong faith

Oh, and money matters a lot. Don't listen to people who say it isn't important - it makes achieving anything else that matters, or doing things you enjoy, so much easier. And, as I said, it gives you personal choice and independence. I am not talking about wanting uber-richness, but having enough money to do the things that make up the quality of an ordinary, comfortable life.

I married my soul mate from university who I love so much, I have two lovely happy healthy children, a lovely home ( 3 bed semi) that we have done up nicely to our tastes. I love my job in Regeneration for a local Council and I have lots of friends and family who are all ( touch wood) healthy. I have a fair amount of holidays and live within my means so don't worry about being in debt and not affording things. A friend once told me always be grateful for what you have, don't dwell on what you haven't ( for eg a bigger house , more well paid job etc) .

Winter2019 - it's not all about mindset IMO. It's hard to love life if you're scraping around for the rent or worried sick about a loved one's health.

Honestly... not having children. It was something we put a lot of thought into, but ultimately decided against. We have lovely lives and can focus on the stuff we really enjoy without the additional stress and financial burden.

I feel like I'm living the life I'm supposed to.

10 years ago I was married to someone different and living in another county. Ex-h was emotionally abusive and always pushing me to be his idea of perfect and he stopped me doing things that I enjoyed ( or was very disapproving) .
I eventually left and lost all most of my friends in the process.

I met someone who was completely different so I relocated and started again. DH loves me for me and is so supportive of everything I do....even if it's not his thing. My career has soared and I've made a zillion new friends- some of which I consider family. We live in a wonderful place and I feel very lucky.

The main reason I feel so happy is that im living a life where I get to be me and I'm not trying to live up to an unobtainable version of me.

I've got a husband I love, a beautiful baby boy, we're all lucky enough to be healthy as are the rest of our family, we want for nothing, we're warm in winter and always have food in our fridge. We have a beautiful house, some amazing friends and have a good work life balance. Some of that is down to luck and some to working hard. We are in our early 30's.

Purely a mindset for me, I often make a conscious choice to be in a good mood and try to live by a non AA non religious version of the serenity prayer.

I like the 5 ways to well being that the NHS uses. Connect, Be Active, Take Notice, Keep Learning, Give. I think people who have good mental health seem to do these things naturally.

I also like Mr Micawber's recipe for happiness: "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery." You don't need a lot of money but you do need to give comfortably within your means.

I'm a sahm. DH is the breadwinner. We have one car. We live in a council flat. It's not a fancy life and we live paycheque to paycheque. However, the flat is massive and looks out onto one of the most stunning views of SW Scottish countryside. As a SAHM I may not have a job or career but I get to devote my time to my three kids and to my big love of cooking. We may not have much but we have happiness. This house is loud with laughter all the time. I love to snuggle up with DH at every opportunity, We work as a team in all things. We go shopping together, fold laundry together (how easy are sheets when there's two of ya?!) and we even make the beds together. Chores are done together. One will hold the bin while the other pulls the bag out. While DH dumps it outside I'l put the fresh bag in. It's not much and we could easily do it by ourselves but it's simple, silly stuff like that where we appreciate having a second pair of hands. The children are the same. Always willing to work together to get a 10 minute job done in one.
We're not rich but can afford what we need and when times get really, really tough we don't worry because something ALWAYS comes along. Always.
Down to our last few quid and little food in? DH will find a food shopping voucher in a drawer that we got at Christmas!! Car breaks down and we can't afford the repair? The Hotpicks numbers will come up and we'll suddenly have £800!! (That's happened twice. One car repairs, other was when the bed frame snapped) Another time we didn't have a penny and dad came to visit and gave me £50 as a present even though we hadn't said a thing about being broke!
DH had become miserable at work a few years ago. An unwanted "promotion" meant he was doing at least 2-3 hours more at work each day just to get his boss's work done for a tiny wage increase (but the extra hours made him earn less hourly than he was on before) and he even had wages docked for the 6 minutes he was allowed to clock out early for our baby scan. Just as he was about to go get a doctor to sign him off with stress, he got a call from a company offering him a job that he'd always wanted to do. It was twice the salary and he would work for half the time!!

It's about a positive attitude for us. We see the joy in whatever we can. If you look for the good, you will find it.