So so angry with bil

[BallBallHeelHeel]

My sister's dh has recently thrown a grenade into their marriage, effectively wrecking it and they are going to have to start the process of separating. No children involved thank goodness. I'm her only confidant so far. I'm so so angry at him for dragging my sister into a massive drama (not an affair) and for hurting her. I am more angry than she is so I suppose I just wanted to vent a bit, get it out here so I can be a better support to her while she works through this, it's so complicated. I have just about held it back to reasonable levels to her face so far. I'm not a naturally angry person, but that's my sister... 😡

Has anyone else had murderous thoughts towards a bil or similar and can to teach me how to reign it in a bit!?

You need to get a grip and calm down. All your rage will accomplish is to make things harder for your sister. Keep your opinion of him to yourself and just be there to support her. Don't fan the flames of his betrayal. There has already been enough damage done.

It's difficult to comment without knowing anything, but I can understand how upset you are because he's done this to your sister.

Be careful op. They may decide to reconcile.

Thank you Aqua, that's what I need to hear. I have kept as absolutely calm as I can and I'm really not an angry person, but nothing has ever got to be in such a personal way before. It will subside I'm sure....

That is extremely unlikely mum ☹️

You're going to have to bite your tongue and let her vent to you. Then be guided by her.

But there is absolutely nothing wrong with imagining and devising the slowest and most painful end that could befall him. Such thoughts gave me great comfort when the ex walked🤣

I'm glad you found a good outlet Caffeine!!

Yeah, I get you op.
My fil.
The stuff over the years.
I cannot stand the man.
But none of my business, I just looked after dh & listened to mil. Poor woman.

Vent somewhere safe, away from your sister, @BallBallHeelHeel x maybe in here - so you can be calm for her when she needs it.

You need to find someone trusted to vent to OP. I completely empathise, my DB is separating at the moment in horrendous circumstances and I've been shocked by the pure anger I've felt. No point sharing it with him, so my DH has had to do a lot of handholding and sorting the cushions after I've punched shit out of them.

I'd love to lay the whole story bare for discussion/to vent SDT but it is identifying, I know I can't help but over share on here once I get started (sooo many name changes over the years 😆), and it would hurt her if she stumbled across this. And it would derail the thread completely and I'm trying to be calm and measured for her sake.
Still, I yet can't imagine a day I won't wanna kick his arse, but my I'm trying to put my sister before my own feelings. Unlike him.

My DH has been amazing and I vent to him. He's not angry in the same way but gets in v well with ds and is still v sad for the whole situation.

Sorry you're dealing with The Rage too Lonny ☹️

Sorry, @BallBallHeelHeel - I wasn’t clear. . What I meant was you could vent the feelings in here - get them off your chest so you can support your friend calmly.

Apologies for not being clear.

No worries SDT, I did get you, I'm not being clear either I'm sorry (wine may be being consumed).
Yes, this is why I turned to MN and carefully wrote my OP. I may yet name change and lay bare the basic story to vent on that front too to make myself feel better, but that's secondary to supporting my sister.
Ugh, how shit ☹️

I hear you. It's not the same but my mil used to take great pleasure in pointing out everything I as doing wrong with my dc, my job (which she knows absolutely zero about) and running the house.

I'm nc know but still fantasise about telling exactly where to go and how to get there!

Ugh, I'm sorry Hetty, that sounds tough. I hope you can move from nc to nc+complete indifference one day.