If you had the option, would you wait till your DC was 3 before sending to nursery?

[LadyPrigsbottom]

Excuse the long title!

My DC is 2 and a half. We also have a 5yo DC1, who is at school. We planned for DC2 to start nursery in September, when I was going to start looking for work.

A few things have made me have second thoughts:

1. the nursery we were planning to use is also the one DC1 attended. Although it was good and DC1 loved it there, I am not totally in love with it for a few, I think quite rational, reasons. I have been looking at other nurseries in the area, but none are quite right.

2. I struggled to find a job before CV had ruined everything. I have a degree from a good university and bits and pieces of experience, (mainly admin). But I was struggling before I felt pregnant with dc2 and that was when the job market was less competitive.

3. if we wait till DC2 is 3, we could potentially get a place at the preschool attached to DC1's primary. I think this would be nice for them both and DC2 would be able to settle there and hopefully stay there for primary*.

But then, I've been dying to get back to work and you never know if I might get lucky and I have no idea what the hell DC2 and I will be able to do together in September if not nursery, as all the groups, soft plays, swimming pools etc are off limits and even if not totally off limits by then, like everything else, let's face it, it's going to be weird isn't it? Or is it just me who thinks that? Aaaanyway, on the other hand, it's only a few (seven to be precise) months.

One other consideration is that if we book in to nursery and then there's another lockdown or whatever, we'll be out a lot of money.

*We have no reason to think DC2 wouldn't get a place at the primary. However, as they are an academy with slightly different criteria, so there is a chance DC2 wouldn't go to primary there, but we certainly hope so!

Bumping, as I know this board moves quite quickly

In normal times I would definitely send at 2 but since it's a pandemic I'd probably keep him home until 3.
I think this year is going to be quite disrupted so I'd prob give it a miss.

Yes I think my LO thrives in nursery, let’s her mingle with peers. In the winter months, with soft plays etc closed it’s so hard to entertain day in day out.

Can you afford a bit of nursery with only one of you working? If so, yes, I'd get started. I put my youngest in nursery before I had a job to go back to, which was a good thing, because I got offered one a month later and we never would have gotten a place if we'd left it.

Mine were all very much ready for it by 2.5 years old.

My DS loves nursery and has gone back now they have reopened. The socialisation aspect is incredibly valuable especially at the moment with no other groups, soft play etc. IMO it would also be better to have them settled in nursery before you get a job if that’s an option, if they are settled it’s one less thing for you to worry about when you start work and potentially will give you some ‘you’ time before we welcome you back to the world of working mum!

I'd probably wait until you see how the Autumn pans out with school closures/ self isolation for colds etc before trying to get a job.

I'm in a similar position but DS is coming up to 2...

My DS isn't starting nursery until next September when he gets 3yo funding.

My Dd never went at all.

My Dd went the term after her 3rd birthday.

Can’t say it’s made much of a difference to either of them really. Ds is nearly 18.

*ds never went

Neither of mine went until they got the 15 hours funding at 3? 3.5? They did afternoon sessions at the nursery attached to what became their primary school.
They are 15 and 13 now and seem to be fine

Yes, we can afford it, but obviously, if we didn't have that outgoing, it would be more preferable, UNLESS I can find a reasonably lucrative admin (or similar) job... but that is a huge "unless".

Similarly, if I could train while dcs at school / nursery and not make anything, but then be fairly sure I'd find it reasonably easy to find a fairly lucrative job, we would also do it. However, that's a big "if".

The thing is, it's only 7 months to wait for a preschool where I know and like the school. Granted, I haven't been to the preschool specifically, but you know. Whereas, any of the available options from September, I'm just not sure about...

If you can afford it and really want to get employment asap I would put them in nursery maybe just two days a week or something. I think it would be good to have them happily settled somewhere prior to you starting work especially if you have to up the time they are there when you're in a job. And it could take you ages to find work at the moment (sorry - it's just a shit time) and you would have a lot more options if you already have some childcare. Nurseries can often have waiting lists. If you already have childcare you could do work with short-notice start dates, or temp work, etc so will make you much more likely to find suitable employment I think.

I don't need to work and nursery would wipe out any potential earnings. But, if I could find a training scheme or a job with some potential, we would suck that up.

But if we wait, dc2 will get the free 15 hours at preschool, which would give us a good boost towards fees if not necessarily cover it all.

Financially, it definitely makes more sense to wait I think?

If I had the option, I would be working. In my dreams, I'd be working towards a proper career. Then, losing the money in nursery fees initially would feel worth it.

However, if we send DC2 to a nursery, which I'm not even 100% sure of, with all the covid stuff happening, and then I can't find a job, I will feel silly. If we wait till the preschool attached to DC1's primary will take DC2, then we won't actually be losing any money while I look for work..? And although, we can afford it and we can survive on one salary even with dc2 at nursery for a couple of days a week, we are not rolling in it either. So it would feel pretty stupid to throw this much money at my potential career, unless we saw a return in terms of extra income or general happiness. But again, there's that "unless" which it all hinges on.

It's annoying, as we had initially wanted DC2 to start earlier this year and I was planning to look for work, but Covid has put a massive spanner in the works there.

Oh, if working can wait awhile in the sense that you're not desperate to get a job and you don't need to financially, then I would definitely wait. In fact the more you post it seems to me that you feel this way too?

I am definitely leaning more towards waiting now. It's only seven months...

If I could wave a magic wand and be doing my dream job immediately and not lose too much in nursery fees at the same time, then I would take that option. But, being realistic, my dream job isn't going to land in my lap any time soon and sending DC2 to a less nice nursery just so that I can start job hunting...in the middle of a pandemic and a crap economy...seems a bit unnecessary.

It's just a pity that being a SAHM is going to be a bit less fun this year too! But that's life for everyone at the mo.

@LadyPrigsbottom

I am definitely leaning more towards waiting now. It's only seven months...

If I could wave a magic wand and be doing my dream job immediately and not lose too much in nursery fees at the same time, then I would take that option. But, being realistic, my dream job isn't going to land in my lap any time soon and sending DC2 to a less nice nursery just so that I can start job hunting...in the middle of a pandemic and a crap economy...seems a bit unnecessary.

It's just a pity that being a SAHM is going to be a bit less fun this year too! But that's life for everyone at the mo.

And by "losing nursery fees", I don't mean don't have any fees to pay or that I expect to be in a job immediately where i can easily cover nursery fees. I just mean I don't want to be paying for nursery for a long time with no income whatsoever.

It's so tricky, as I would never have planned to be a SAHM, but I got made redundant on mat leave with dc1 and haven't made it back into work since. Now I do think, well, if I take a job where i am earning zero in real terms, after tax and childcare, then it needs to have serious potential.

Oh and thank you everyone for posts .

If you want to be working and building a career I would personally be moving heaven and earth to make that happen. I would put DC in nursery and treat their nursery hours like your working hours, and your job is job hunting. If you’re not 100% on board with the prospect of being a SAHM and perhaps dabbling with low paid admin work then for goodness sake make what you want happen, before it’s too late. Life passes fast and these boards are riddled with women so full of regret that they didn’t build or maintain a career.

What would your financial situation be if your marriage fell apart? Have you discussed your return to work with your partner and are they aware of the implications for them i.e. nursery and school runs? These are all things to seriously address because if you try and get any kind of ‘career’ job you can’t be responsible for all childcare and collections and you won’t just be able to work school hours. Have you considered all of this?

Now I do think, well, if I take a job where i am earning zero in real terms, after tax and childcare, then it needs to have serious potential.

Not necessarily. Just being back in the workplace is step one to building a career, even if that particular job doesn’t offer direct progression opportunities. It’s a stepping stone and the next job which may offer more potential will be a lot easier to get if you already have one. You would also be building up a pension, establishing a new normal at home where you’re not responsible for all things children...there are many reasons why a job that results in no net increase in household finances at first would be a good move.

It seems to me, OP, that on one hand “if I had the option, I would be working“ but then on the other hand “[you] haven't made it back into work since [DC1]”. I think you need to be very honest with yourself about how you want your life to look in 2, 5 and 10 years’ time and make your decisions off the back of that. As you say, your dream job won’t land in your lap- especially if you’re at home and not looking for it. But it may take time to get there, even if you do start now. Make a longer term plan, including a clear stance on the importance of your financial independence to you, and go from there.

If your near Leicester op, my workplace are recruiting en mass. Pm me if your interested.

One of mine was ready at 2.5, the other did go at 2.5 but 3 would have been better for her in hindsight.

@Rainycloudyday

Now I do think, well, if I take a job where i am earning zero in real terms, after tax and childcare, then it needs to have serious potential.

Not necessarily. Just being back in the workplace is step one to building a career, even if that particular job doesn’t offer direct progression opportunities. It’s a stepping stone and the next job which may offer more potential will be a lot easier to get if you already have one. You would also be building up a pension, establishing a new normal at home where you’re not responsible for all things children...there are many reasons why a job that results in no net increase in household finances at first would be a good move.

Definitely agree! But, if it is the choice between paying for nursery in September while I job hunt, or wait another seven months and start then, when 15 hours or more will be free?

I'm definitely not against paying for nursery in order to restart my career and tbh, staying at home with dc2 while nothing is open, will probably be harder than working for me personally. But, thinking logically waiting makes more sense?

Emotionally, I can see the pros and cons of both, so it does come down to brutally rational questions about finances and whether it will be worth it to start in September (which will cost a reasonable amount of money), or summer term 2021, when it will be free...

Happy to take comments on either, as, I can see the advantages of each option, for the family and me emotionally. I am very on the fence.

The quality of childcare does make a difference though, but I can't even tour nurseries at the mo to compare.

Very tricky I think.