DH doesn't think kids should do housework!

[Blurp]

We're in the process of moving house; the new house has 2 bedrooms with en-suite bathrooms and one without. DH and I were talking about which child to give the en-suite bedroom to. He reckons DD will appreciate it more, and I said "She might not appreciate it in a few years' time when she's in charge of cleaning it!".

DH was horrified at the thought of making her clean her bathroom (she's currently 3, so obviously I'm not talking about her doing it now), because he doesn't think kids should be expected to do that kind of housework. His logic is, the parents own the house, so they could clean it. Kids should keep their stuff tidy, but shouldn't have to clean.

I'm mystified by this attitude. I wasn't expected to do loads of housework growing up, but I had to do some. It seems obvious to me that everyone living in a house should do their bit to keep it clean.

DH says he and his sisters were given a cleaning rota a couple of times by their mum, but they just laughed and refused to do it.

Obviously this isn't an issue yet, but I can imagine that in a few years' time he'll think I'm awful for asking the kids to clean, and won't back me up.

FWIW, he does loads of cleaning round the house, so his upbringing hasn't made him lazy.

So, do you try to make your kids clean and do housework? Or do you think you should do it all?

Mine have done 'housework/chores' since they were about 3.

Its an important life skill that they should learn while young.

Yes everyone cleans their own crap. And communal crap is distributed out as chores.

My older two share a bathroom, they clean it.

Who is your DH expecting to clean up after the children if they’re not doing it themselves?

My 3yo does actually clean. He does enjoy it at the moment though. I’m sure that won’t last

My teen DC have to do some 'chores'
I do the majority because I'm currently not working and they are doing school work. But if I cook they have to wash and dry up (or load the dishwasher when its working again).
They do some of the laundry. Strip and make their own beds. Hoover/mop. And keep their own stuff tidy.

Does your DH share all the domestic drudgery equally with you when you're both at home together?

Or does he expect you to do the lion's share?

Forgot a sentence

*if I cook they wash/wipe up. If they dont want to do that they can cook for us all instead. They also cook sometimes anyway.

My mother had myself and my siblings doing all aspects of housework from a very young age. Exact timescales are sketchy but before I was nine (we moved out of a house at that age so a useful marker) I was tidying my own room, ironing, hanging out the washing to dry, chopping vegetables, baking, washing and drying dishes, hoovering, mowing the lawn and other gardening chores to name a few things that spring to mind. Not only did it take the strain of my mother but it equipped us all with essential life skills.

@morethanafortnight

Does your DH share all the domestic drudgery equally with you when you're both at home together?

Or does he expect you to do the lion's share?

He does his share. But he thinks the kids shouldn't have to do anything.

In fact, even now, if they spill a cup of milk (they're both preschoolers) he'll get a cloth and clean it, whereas I'll get a cloth and hand it to whoever spilled it to do the actual cleaning (and I'll go over it afterwards if it's not totally dry and is making the floor slippery).

@TooTrueToBeGood

My mother had myself and my siblings doing all aspects of housework from a very young age. Exact timescales are sketchy but before I was nine (we moved out of a house at that age so a useful marker) I was tidying my own room, ironing, hanging out the washing to dry, chopping vegetables, baking, washing and drying dishes, hoovering, mowing the lawn and other gardening chores to name a few things that spring to mind. Not only did it take the strain of my mother but it equipped us all with essential life skills.

We did similar. Not all the time, but we certainly contributed usefully!

I couldn't believe that DH and his sisters were given a rota and just laughed and ignored it! I'd never have done that! I might have complained, but I'd have done it!

Now I think about it, he does do a lot for the kids that I make them do themselves.

Eg if we're going out and DS has left his shoes upstairs, DH will automatically go and get them. I'd make DS get them himself.

Even little things, like if one of them asks for a cup of milk, DH will drop everything to go and get it; I'll tell them to wait until I've finished whatever I'm doing.

Get him some info on the montessori method, (which is what you're doing by giving them a cloth to wipe up after themselves) and show him how hes stunting their development by not letting them learn independence and life skills

It used to be my job to clean the bathroom as a teenager...I chose it to get out of ever having to wash dishes!

DS (4) helps tidy away his toys, puts his plates in the sink/dishwasher and his clothes in the wash basket when he takes them off.

Much better learning it all gradually than turning up to uni age 18 and having to ask your housemates how you cook oven pizza (a girl asked me).

I know it’s not the question you asked, but have you considered giving both children the rooms with en suites? Then they are each responsible for their own bathroom (when old enough) and you and DH use the main bathroom for yourselves.

All my DCs do chores and have done since they were at primary school. That way they they earn their pocket money and as a consequence appreciate it more, as well as learning important skills.

@Myneighboursnorlax

I know it’s not the question you asked, but have you considered giving both children the rooms with en suites? Then they are each responsible for their own bathroom (when old enough) and you and DH use the main bathroom for yourselves.

We thought about it, but the room without the en-suite is a good bit bigger and we think they'll enjoy the extra space to play. We don't really really need the extra space in our room. Also don't think DS will care where his bathroom is, as long as there's one handy!

I don't make my kids do housework and my mum didn't make us do it. Her theory, which I agree with, is that you have to do it your whole adult life. So enjoy childhood without it because it is rubbish. My mum had to iron for 7 people as her allocated job through her childhood. She now only irons for weddings, funerals and job interviews and I do the same. I really hate cleaning.

Well your kids won't suddenly know how to keep a house clean and how often to do whatever the second they turn 18. So you will have to teach them sometime. It takes time to see what needs to be done and get used to a cleaning rota. Plenty of us adults still need the help of mrs Hinch and The organised mum method to figure out what works for us. It's not an easy skill to develop so best start youngish.

I knew how to do it when I was 18 and went away to uni? Like it isn't that hard plus i had observed my parents even if i didn't have to help. I can't see the issue.

I don't feel the need to use a rota. I just clean bits when they are dirty. Works fine for me :-)

IMO cleaning and domestic work are essential skills and it’s poor parenting not to teach DC and give them plenty of practice before they reach an age when they will need to do it all for themselves.

I personally think it's pretty shit parenting not to teach your children basic housekeeping skills - that includes housework (cleaning, tidying, laundry), how to do a food shop and a cook a healthy meal, budgeting and how to live a healthy life - exercise, good sleep patterns etc.

My parents believed we shouldn’t do any housework - we had a weekly cleaner and they did everything else.

When I went to university I lived in halls where cleaners did the rooms.

When I graduated, got a job, and rented a flat I had absolutely no idea how to clean anything and quickly developed a mouse problem :(

It’s not good parenting to raise your kids to be unable to look after themselves.

Having said that a friend and her sister did absolutely all the housework between them while the parents did nothing, that’s not ok either!

I agree with your DH! In our house DC are expected to focus on school and studying, not cleaning bathrooms.

I am sure I can teach my.children how to clean and have other life skills by the time they are adults, without making them spend all their childhood years doing it.

Mine have always done stuff around the house. Started when they were toddlers and copying what others were doing.

Doing these things alongside being children hasn't stunted their education. If anything it has helped with their time management they now need as adults. Of course one likes to do it all last minute, but always on time!!