DH doesn't think kids should do housework!

[Blurp]

We're in the process of moving house; the new house has 2 bedrooms with en-suite bathrooms and one without. DH and I were talking about which child to give the en-suite bedroom to. He reckons DD will appreciate it more, and I said "She might not appreciate it in a few years' time when she's in charge of cleaning it!".

DH was horrified at the thought of making her clean her bathroom (she's currently 3, so obviously I'm not talking about her doing it now), because he doesn't think kids should be expected to do that kind of housework. His logic is, the parents own the house, so they could clean it. Kids should keep their stuff tidy, but shouldn't have to clean.

I'm mystified by this attitude. I wasn't expected to do loads of housework growing up, but I had to do some. It seems obvious to me that everyone living in a house should do their bit to keep it clean.

DH says he and his sisters were given a cleaning rota a couple of times by their mum, but they just laughed and refused to do it.

Obviously this isn't an issue yet, but I can imagine that in a few years' time he'll think I'm awful for asking the kids to clean, and won't back me up.

FWIW, he does loads of cleaning round the house, so his upbringing hasn't made him lazy.

So, do you try to make your kids clean and do housework? Or do you think you should do it all?

@Dozer

The old “not very good at it” / “needs training” chestnut

He doesn't use "You're better at it" as an excuse to not do it. He thinks he's perfectly fine at it. But he looks at me in wonder when I show him something like taking the dials off the hob to clean underneath them.

So if you go along with him and your children don’t learn to look after themselves while they’re young they’ll likely end up like him - a bit lazy and incompetent.

Why did he think they bothered to put different little pictures on the washing machine if they don’t mean anything? Fair enough about fabric softener, I don’t use it, but not cleaning the fridge?

Your updates paint a different picture to your OP, I wonder if he does even less than you think he does. If he’s doing very little and wants your kids to do nothing life is looking pretty drudge-filled for you.

I make my kids help with housework partly because there is so much stuff they want me to do with them, it speeds it up if they help out. They have jobs they prefer, and I'm ok with them doing mostly those and just clearing up behind themselves.
If you want me to help you with variously, sewing, watch you do a show, walk you to the pokestop, give you a piano lesson, and download a podcast onto my phone for you, yeah, you can help clear up after tea and put some washing away. It won't ruin their childhood.
I'm another one who chose bathroom cleaning as a youngster, as I hated hoovering. Tastes change, or perhaps vacuum cleaners have got lighter!

That's why I'd be very blunt with him when explaining the idiocy of his thinking. Asking him if he isn't at all embarrassed that he needs to be taught these basics. Doesn't he want better for his own children. He's a grown ass adult and shouldn't need to be shown how to clean, cook etc.

It's not hard to work out the basics from watching. Once you get stuck in doing your share, it's not hard to grasp. Just look at how quickly children learn how to do the basics.

And cannot cook? For centuries, step by step recipes have been written in books, on bits of paper etc. Passed down from generation to generation in some cases. In later years schools were created to help. educate the poor and throughout the years, cooking or food tech was added to the lessons. Ok they aren't the greatest, but at least teach the fundamentals of following a recipe, boiling a kettle, boiling something in a pan etc.

Other great things happened with sharing recipes and learning how to cook. People popped up on your tv screen and taught you how to cook. Ok helped when video came along so at least you could pause it. Still have them now, whole channels dedicated to cooking. Not everyone has live tv, I don't, and found this wonderful creation called the web and now recipes, learning how to cook, and even how to change a tap washer are at your fingertips.

I really don't know why people put up with this crap for years. Can hold down a job, shouldn't be hard to learn the above within a weekend at most.

Ex inlaws despised me

Does he cook OP?

Coming from the perspective of someone who’s parents doted on them and never had to lift a finger...I think you’re doing your children a favour OP 😁 Going to university and learning to fend for myself was a massive culture shock that I’m still learning to get the hang of 20 years later.
I have horses and know how to keep stables, fields and the yard immaculate due to a very strict horse riding instructor...my house, not so much 😂

DH says he and his sisters were given a cleaning rota a couple of times by their mum, but they just laughed and refused to do it.

Obviously this isn't an issue yet, but I can imagine that in a few years' time he'll think I'm awful for asking the kids to clean, and won't back me up.

It will become an issue if you wait on them hand and foot when they are 3 years old though. The going to get his shoes is a fine example.

You'd be doing your dc a real disservice if you let them grow up thinking food magically appears without being prepared, that houses are somehow cleaned by fairies when you are sleeping, that clothes magically appear all fresh a couple of days after you took them off having worn them. It isn't only about housework, but is part of all contributing to society - that 'entitlement' you see in some people, wherever you are.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Does he cook OP?

He does the majority of the cooking (I used to have an eating disorder and still find it difficult and stressful to cook). He cooks 4/5 nights out of 7.

How on earth will they learn any responsibility or realise how stuff gets done around a normal household?

All 3 of mine absolutely do household chores. They each do their own things theyre responsible for. Admittedly they do the ones that usually conform to their gender but thats by the by.

I think a child should be cleaning her own bathroom when she reaches an age to be able to do it. She might want to, some youngsters really value their privacy.

Other than that I wouldn't make kids do housework. You might be able to afford a cleaner later on anyway and then the situation won't arise.

And what is it with young children especially that love hoovering and sweeping? One of my odd children asked for their own hand held hoovers, circled the ones he wanted in an Argos catalogue. I don’t think we would have survived Christmas Day if he didn’t get his one coveted gift 🤣

Thought he would have grown out of it but alas he’s a teen now and still owns his own vac. Well he’s the only one that uses the vac, I prefer sweeping.

Your husband has no concept of how messyvthey get as they grow older. You are completly in the right, as they grow they should be doing some of the cleaning. Of course parents still do the lion's share, but kids need to participate more and more as they grow.

Oh, I worked as a cleaner for a while some of the teenage bedrooms I've had to clean made me retch. I'm talking mouldy stuff under beds, undies with bloody sanitary pads stuffed behind heaters, stuff with jizz on them shoved undr beds etc.

@canigooutyet

I remember being in a shop and over hearing a mum doing an oh so reasonable “no Charlie, we can’t get another hoover! We’ve got 3 at home, remember? We got you one, granny got the red one and grandad got the grey one, we don’t have space for anymore” And a small voice replying “muuuuumy, hooder, hooder”.

OP, that’s great. He can teach them how to cook and you can teach them how to clean. They’ll be fine

I make my kids clean even the youngest age 5. Tidy a room, then the eldest can whizz a Hoover through. Dust with a damp cloth. I do the proper cleaning of bathrooms etc. Otherwise I'm some sort of house elf constantly picking up behind them. A quick blast at the end of the school day and its done. It's a bit like teaching them to cook. Start them young and its second nature.